Working with a difficult nurse

brandy1017, ASN, RN · Jul 28, 2011

If your nurse manager states the nurse is known for being difficult, why doesn't she just assign you to a different preceptor. Problem solved!

Where I work I think they choose preceptors who are younger figuring they will mesh easier. Also there is an official preceptor program which wasn't available back in the day. I think new RN's have alot more support than used to be the case.

Can't you just ask for a different preceptor. Is there someone else you get along with who is not good friends or part of the clique this nurse hangs with? Would be my suggestion.

Delorem · Jul 28, 2011

The problem is, that despite being told not to "buddy" me up with her (she does this of her own accord) it's generally happening on weekends where as a senior nurse she is often "in charge" and there is no one else around to question her decision making.

I have asked our NUM to please not roster me on with her on future shifts where she is in charge and shes agreed to do this where possible, however, I think this is a bandaid fix and not the best outcome for our team. I understand that I'm never going to be able to get along with everyone all of the time, but its the absolute lack of professional courtesy she displays that leaves me feeling like I'm constantly walking a tightrope :confused:

brandy1017, ASN, RN · Jul 28, 2011

I don't think you can change her. Does she treat her other coworkers this way or just you? Its probably a way for her to show off!

Anyone else have any suggestions.

2bmejor · Jul 28, 2011

Hi Delorem, It seems like she has a grandiose personality as well and you are the perfect person for her "quick fix" I got sick and tire of this type of behavior and me being the target... now I fight back "I nip it in the butt" the first time it happens and I am not afraid to point out their behavior even in front of others so they can also get a little be of their own medicine, It works like magic, and yes we all want to be "nice, professional, well-like, christian like, yes we try to look the other way, give our cheek for people to keep slapping it, pray on it, put it in God's hands, talk to managers, the dog, the cat, talk to ourselves in the car in our way back home... and you know what? they will continue to mess with you because you allow it. Sometimes you have to mirror their behavior back to them! because believe it or not they also have feelings, even if they seem thick skin. I am sorry but this is what works for me, also I have observed how this bullies pick and choose their victims they do know who is going to give them a run for their money and who is going to become their pet! One disclaimer I am not telling you that you need to be aggressive, I am far from that but you must be super, super FIRM so they know you are not the one!!!

netglow, ASN, RN · Jul 28, 2011

I think it's a form of hiding. She tags along on your patient load to appear as if she HAS to help you. I think she is FOS and avoiding actual work.

ceddlemon · Jul 28, 2011

Hello Delorem: I must agree with 2bmejor. I, too, have the same problem at work. Have been there about 1-1/2 years now and I'm just now getting the hang of "holding my own". Of course, within the first six months my prescriptions went from my one and only Rx QD to needing blood pressure meds and antianxiety meds. WOW - huh? (I've always been called hardheaded) BUT, I have always wanted to be a nurse and I was determined "they" were not going to run me off. I have found that those who bully, attempt intimidation, and generally show off their seniority are not liked by to many people. Some others at my work place, reached out to me. I took "a-hold" of those helping hands. I steadfastly kept my personality in tact !! I love people and helping people and I enjoy being nice to others. Heck, there are times I'm even nice to the mean ones and I'm the one who gets the giggle. I'm a product of the 60's and 70's. PEACE MAN : ) And I DO NOT like to fight. However, it is true, that you must STAND UP to the aggressor ASAP or it will continue until you do stand up. I'm not saying lower yourself to their level; one can win the showdown by using "class", "style", especially use who YOU are. Nursing is a caring field. The bulliness is a contradiction to Nursing. To stand up to the bully is like getting your scrubs all dirty before you even "help" the first patient. Thus far, those on my team that are the lazy ones and bullies have started being a bit more kind in their words and fun-teasing. The end is no where close to what I would like to see because "they" feel like if they are in a bad mood, so should everyone else be. You have to dig deep to shrug it off. I don't think there is any one perfect place to work and there will always be "one of them". Be true to yourself, look for that helping hand, keep smiling and stand tall.

nola1202 · Jul 28, 2011

Hello all, I'm looking to share my story and hopefully grab some advice from some veterans in working with a difficult colleague.
A bit about myself, I am an endorsed enrolled nurse who is just about finished my studied to become an RN. I have worked in many community settings outside of hospitals over the last few years as I found the "politics and hierarchy" that seems to permeate hospital wards fairly intolerable.
I have recently found myself working back in a hospital as I feel I've missed out on many basic nursing skills that you just don't get to see in a community setting and also because of the stability afforded to those working in a public hospital setting.
One of the benefits of working in a private community setting is the high standard of professional behaviour that I grew very accustomed to and while I'm the first to admit I can be very thin skinned, I wasn't as prepared as I thought I would be for encountering some interesting to say the least personality types from other nurses on the ward I am currently working in.
Most of the staff have been incredibly helpful including our NUM, CNE and CNS, however 1 RN in particular has me pretty stressed out. She constantly micromanages me in an incredibly passive agressive and often condescending manner - it also usually during weekend or afternoon shifts when the management arn't there to deal with it, she constantly "buddies" me up with her effectively removing my pt workload and only requests I step in to help when there are "dirty jobs" required to be done - I take no issue with getting up to my elbows in the dirty jobs and would do it gladly were it asked by anyone but herself in the manner that she does.
She will step in so that I can't take a handover from another nurse regarding a patient and she will step in to give her own handover of patients I may have been looking after on a shift. She berates me for things I may have overlooked in front of other staff members and has even gone as far to do the same during handover prior to a shift in front of the other staff on for that shift.
I have spoken about the issue with my NUM who was quite annoyed and pressed me to please not take it personally and that this RN was well known for being difficult with other nurses as well as patients and that she would speak to her about it.
The next time I worked with the RN, she made a huge deal out of the fact that she had been "spoken too" in front of many other staff members and insisted that whatever she had done had not been intentional. I just nodded and smiled and replied as politely as possible that I'm happy to go with the flow of whatever will work best with the ward and that as the newest addition to the staff, I'd be happy to take on board any advice she could give me into giving better patient care. Sounded like a bit of a kiss ass - however I just wanted to diffuse the situation as quickly and as gracefully as I could. She proceeded to spend the rest of the afternoon checking in on me (she'd buddied me up with her again despite "allowing" me to do the medications for our patients) and spent any one on one contact we had declaring she had no idea what I was allowed to do and listed of a number of things she believes I was "not" allowed to do. I politely corrected her where possible on my scope as a health professional and that should I come across something I was not allowed to do or something I was unsure about, I'd come straight to her with it. I believe she is a bully in a very carefully calculated way. Her passive agressive manner allows her to say and do alot of things which are undermining and hurtful and she is able to step away from it and declare her innocence from her own behaviour.
At the end of the day, being at work is so stressfull and its a huge stress that I come home with knowing that on pinpointed days throughout my roster I'm going to be working with her again. I'm trying as hard as I can to just toughen up and suck it up, but I'm having trouble letting it go in my own head. I understand that there are people like this in every work area and despite her callousness, I honestly love my job.
Sorry for such a huge wall of text in this thread, but I was hoping some of you could advise on tips on how to diffuse the situation, on how to maintain my professionalism while not feeling so stressed out on my days off and how to adress this woman when she continues to beat me down every opportunity she gets.
Thankyou in advance
One very stressed out nurse.

yowsa..that one's a real piece of work isn't she...how about relating to the NUM the response her "being spoken to" elicited. Especially the part about her relating it in front of other staff, request to have your own assignment or not be buddied up with her again...perhaps it could be phrased "I believe I would benefit from being exposed to a larger variety of Nursing styles."

Good luck...sorry u have to deal with this, be happy she's not a family member!