any words of wisdom?

[brownbook]

Several years ago in Nursing 20?? (don't know what year) a nurse wrote in asking how she could even think to complain about her own problems when she dealt with patients who had obviously much more serious problems than hers. I can't remember what the exact answer was but it was very insightful and somehow made ok for this nurse to not feel guilty in acknowledging her own problems.

Anyone have any thoughts about this? A simple quick saying, fable, story, to let a friend, co-worker, patient, know that even though they may acknowledge that their own problems are really minor in the whole scheme of things, it is still ok to acknowledge that they exist.

[sirI, MSN, APRN, NP]

Excellent question, brownbook.

[roser13, ASN, RN]

TI don't have a quick saying or fable to demonstrate how I deal with this issue. But I will go ahead and share....I feel that God is in my corner, so to speak, with my life. For whatever reason, that comforts me and leads me to realize that....

I'm not the first one to deal with (fill in the blank). I will likely survive (whatever).

Even though I personally am dealing with (fill in the blank), there will always be others who are dealing with more serious/life-threatening/unhealthy issues. If they can deal, so can I. Time truly does heal everything, in one way or another.

My husband happens to have a chronic genetic health issue. While I learned early on in my nursing education to NOT give too much of myself in interactions with patients, I also quickly learned that a suffering patient is often calmed by the knowledge that others face similar challenges. I have chosen at times to share more than I likely should in order to help a patient avoid a feeling of "why me?"

Trite but true.....At any time, any one of us could be hit by a bus and die tomorrow. Anything other than that is a blessing and will no doubt become a non-issue over time.

[Michael141]

Let god answer your questions.

[mamamerlee, LPN]

Everyone has difficult times/issues to deal with. And each person's issues are momemtarily unique to them. As was stated in 'Desiridata' 'do not compare yourself to others - there will always be those who are lesser and greater than you. You will become vain and bitter.'

My husband has cerebral palsy, I have diabetes and CAD. Can we compare them? No, but we can commiserate with each other.

So what am I saying? It's okay to vent. Somedays you get the bear, and somedays the bear gets you.

Best wishes, and feek free to vent anytime you need to.

[CHAVNY]

Someone once told me: "Just because people are starving in other countries, doesn't mean we don't get hungry."

The intensity or gravity of our problems may pale by comparision to our patients, but that doesn't mean what we face is not real or challenging or even heartbreaking. We aren't always comparing, sometimes we are looking our problems straight in the eye and dealing with them--and that can be overwhelming.

But we have the benefit of being given a different perspective.

I work in Trauma and Critical Care, and most days go home thinking: "I have no problems." I see how life can change, or even end, in a split second. That awareness throws a bit of gratitude in the mix. That perspective gives me a different scale to weigh out what is mine. It helps me remember that what is so daunting to me, can be eased by the gratitude that it is all I carry. In addition, there is gratitude for the people that help me carry these loads. And gratitude that my career includes a chance to help someone carry the things I would never want to face alone.

But my burdens still has to be carried and dealt with, and felt. --and sometimes I hurt, and cry, and maybe even complain & whine because thats part of coping.

[brownbook]

Thanks to you all. Your replies were from the heart and very helpful. Hopefully now I will remember the gist of them when I need to!

[Finallydidit]

I work in LTC and I see so many elderly residents come in and just literally give up and die. These people at one point in their lives were at the top of their game. Earning a great living, owning fine homes, nice cars, boats, etc. I have heard them say over and over, "I would have never imagined that I would end up in one of these places" or "After all I have done and seen this is where it ends or this is what I end up with"

These people honestly break my heart, because I know what they are saying is true, at the "end" of their lives they are forced to start a "new" life thrown in with strangers to provide care for them in their weakest moments, all of their pride and dignaty stripped away. Back to wearing diapers, being bathed, and being fed, sometimes the family visit, most times they don't.

These people are all unique, all have their own personal stories, and diagnosis, and when they start declining due to the shear fact of "defeat" I always try to let them know in some way that they can relate to, that I may not be able "help" them change their situation, but perhaps they were put into my life to "help" me in some way.

They all usually do in some way. They have all taught me that life is too short, and to not put off doing, feeling, loving or living. In the end all we are left with are the MEMORIES.

[tbrd450]

Patients and nurses are each given unique gifts corresponding to the unique perspectives they each bring to the condition of human frailty. The nurse is granted the gift, the honor, of opportunity. This is an opportunity to tend to people in need at crucial times in their lives. For some patients receiving this, this is the most significant moment and experience they have and/or will ever face. For many, finding and embracing the necessary courage to face their circumstances means facing, with a smile, certain uncertainty in the unknown. Patients do this differently, often in uniquely personal ways. Nurses don't have to understand the individual processes as much as they just need to recognize that a process does exist.

Without a formal invite, nurses are ushered in to what is often highly emotional, vulnerable and psychologically intimate moments of life-altering patient impact. The gift to the nurse is one that most careers can never offer. In fact, its magnitude is such that it transcends the meaning of "career" to the extent that the word no longer does it justice. It's one's life work. It's one's calling. The gift is opportunity. This is an opportunity to enter the sacred patient space, offer and deliver genuine care, support and relief. Ultimately, it is more than just an algorithmic series of patient interventions outlined in a nursing manual. It is a person helping a person. Anybody that has ever taken care of a dying loved one knows the potential boundless beauty in this gift of opportunity.

Yes, of course, patients are not viewed through the same lens as are dying loved ones; however, the difference is a matter of degree and not substantive principle.

Really think about it. This is an incredible life to choose.

In return the nurse is rightfully held to a very high standard. This understanding is universally accepted in civilized society, and that is the only "price" for this gift. As long as one doesn't abuse the opportunity, the power and the authority it extends (present but far less than explicitly so), then personal reward is real and exponential. It can ripple through one's very soul expanding personal horizons of depth and growth. It is permanent. Often, without realizing it, nurses enter this patient space of vulnerability and get a glimpse of their own past and future. In one sense, they actually ride Einstein's speeding light beam as the world slows around them. This is their opportunity to transcend self-centered confinement.

While everybody faces these personal, colossal moments of impact if they live long enough, it is mostly only ever medical providers such as nurses and doctors who get to de-polarize the experiences through merged personal perspective. For them, experiencing the hospital from various angles faciliates serious wisdom on serious levels. It delivers a perspective that is greater than the sum of its parts.

The patient is given the gift of opportunity as well. He/she is given an opportunity to discover his/her true depth of awareness, identity, strength, resolve and character. While this belongs exclusively to him/her, the medical provider can take the journey with the patient. The patient is given an opportunity to willingly expose his/her vulnerabilities, fears, perceived weaknesses, and ultimately trust others -- to reach across everyday walls and accept help. To allow care is, in a real way, a gift to oneself. It is an opportunity to receive help and partake in, and identify with, the best of us on a platform of mutual hope. The patient is presented an opportunity to invite elevation beyond the trapped confinement of limited everyday consciousness. He/she is given an opportunity to refresh his/her appreciation for the myriad of love flowing in unnoticed channels of his/her life.

Some "career" uh?

Most human experience and social interaction can't possibly offer this opportunity, and certainly not do so in such an immediate and abrupt manner. One minute a person is driving to work and then the next he/she is on an emergency room table surrounded by strangers all trying to save his/her life.

For patients, it is a unique opportunity to recognize the divine spark within themselves and others. It is an opportunity to recognize clearly that we all share a common journey. It is perspective as well. As a patient, it is an opportunity to view those caring for you (doctors and nurses) through an unobstructed lens of decency and integrity -- to see ourselves at our best, so to speak. This is a powerful platform that offers significant opportunity to break down common constructs and barriers between people. It is an opportunity to see, feel and wholly experience the results of others' empathatic care and consideration; and to not have to do so through the typical, everyday, filter of gender, race, religion or culture. It is about experiencing care through a kaleidoscope of strangers all sharing a common goal predicated on your human dignity as their patient.

(And, that is why when abusive or negligent medical care is delivered it is insidious. It robs the patient of this opportunity -- for some, it is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity lost)

For dying patients, these opportunities are the ultimate test of human resolve, perserverance and integrity. For them, it is absolute. For patients only facing an altered after-care version of themselves, it is an apex opportunity to genuinely reinvent character, and even recognize and/or deeply bond with their dreams.

Everybody has problems -- those riding the highest waves and those drowning in the deepest troughs. Everybody feels guilty from time to time. Everybody makes mistakes. When we embrace our sameness on these truths we can be free to accept our individual impact on the "grand scheme of things." Feeling guilt is universally human. It is not so much about feeling that as it is dealing with that.

If one absolutely needs a phrase, fable or story to balance the nursing day, let me instead offer a solid substitute. Let me offer the beginning to William Blake's well-known poem Auguries of Innocence:

To see a world in a grain of sand,

And a heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,

And eternity in an hour