I'd been - up until now - thinking that I want to go into Labor and Delivery. I've posted before about what it took for my wife and I to finally have our son. 10 years of infertility battles, then 3 miscarriages, then full term stillbirth of our first son, then finally our true miracle boy (who will be 4 in February) and then 4 more miscarriages since him. So, having been through the worst, and the best, I want to be there for those who are going through what I've gone through.
But then I started thinking about my emotional fortitude. What if every time I see a happy outcome, a family getting to take home their new bundle of joy, I hurt inside because I so wanted to give our boy a sibling and we cant. And what if when someone does go through the worst, and I'm there for them, and doing what I know helped my wife and I when it was our time. What if that just totally wrecks me? Part of me thinks it will help me grow, and it will help me feel gratified in what I will be doing. But part of me thinks it will hurt too much.
Or, in terms someone not in my situation might understand: If you'd lost someone to cancer, could you work in oncology and feel like you were going to be OK, that you'd be doing something for the greater good, something that makes it ok for someone else, or would it hurt you too much?
I did get the opportunity to transfer for next semester to the section that will be going to OB clincals at the hospital we delivered our boys, where I'd thought I wanted to work. And now that I'm faced with it, I'm wondering if I'm going to be able to deal with it.
