Wife Doesnt Want Like the Idea

Nurses Men


Hey guys,

I am thinking of going in to the nursing field. I have been married to my lovely wife for just over 7yr now. When we got married she was finishing her degree in graphic design and I was supporting us. During this time I was taking night classes and working full time. Something I have recently gone back to doing. I have moved up in my career to a point where I am making good money, but since I'm in the construction field, I don't see the gravy train rolling much further and will be out with no degree and skill set that only applies to a dying industry. I quit school for a while when my career started getting more demanding. My wife understands that side of it, but wants me to finish in the business/accounting field. I dont want this to sound like some sort of midlife crisis thing, but I just cant see myself being even remotly happy sitting behind a computer crunching numbers all day. I have wanted to get into nursing for a while now because I want to be in a field where the work is a split between physical and mental. But more than that, I want to be in a field that actually means something. And I understand it isnt going to be all lollypops and rainbows everyday, but I think that the good will make up for the bad 10x. She says she doesnt think I will like it, and she does know me better than anyone. But I think she's wrong on this. Also, she keeps telling me that I will basically have to clean up feces and vomit all day. I know that isn't the case. The weird thing is that her mother is a radiologist and several of her auts are nurses, so I would think there would be more support from her. So Im kinda stuck on this. I want to go into nursing, but I dont think I can do it if I have a nay sayer in my ear constantly. My main concern is having every time I have a bad day it will be met with an "I told you so".

So now that you have way more background than you ever wanted, I'm wondering if any of the other guys on here have had this same issue with their significant other not wanting them to go into this field? (BTW, She's not the type to think Im not going to be manly or some other ridiculous tripe)

Also, can you guys give me a better idea of what the duties of an ER nurse would be. Thats the field I think I would be good at, mainly just because I know from administering first aid after a few accidents that I can react to stressfull situations well.

And as far as the vomit and feces thing, seriously, how much would a RN actually have to deal with that part of the job.

Thanks for any help you guys can give me. (BTW, I mean "guys" in the sense of a collective group of individuals, I would love to hear from the females the group as well).

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).


Wow. I can really appreciate your situation: Wanting to work in a field which holds your interests. Verses not having the support of your Significant Other. It's a conundrum.

Well, you've come to the right place. And I'm sure you're gonna get some answers both you and your wife will find worthy of consideration.

Okay. Here's my input: I'm supportive, of course, of going into Nursing. The field is wide open and the possibilities are endless.

With an Associates Degree, I personally have done things which I never could have imagined. And the money's great. I have felt tired and burned out at times. But I have never regretted my decision to become a Nurse.

With that said, the best to you in your endeavors, Luke123.


Specializes in ER, ICU.

That seems to be the biggest question from nurse wannabees (don't mean that to be derogatory, just can't think of a better word right now). The frequency of vomit and poop depends entirely on what your specialty is. It's a small part of the job. How you deal depends on your personality. I get satisfaction in helping people who are sick and can't help themselves. And real men do tough jobs with a smile :) Back to your point... My (now exwife) did not support me in getting my nursing degree. She just doesn't have the same ethic of bettering oneself and she just didn't get it. That said, she didn't get in my way either. Thank God I went with my gut because we divorced two years later and I needed that career to get me through. I hope that doesn't happen to you bro. But, I think you need to be true to yourself and follow your heart, and your spouse should support you unless you want to do something that will seriously put your family in jeopardy. It's hard to describe ER nursing to a non nurse, but it is nursing that gets things done sometimes quick and dirty. I like ER for the variety in the work flow, it is one of the least routine of nursing jobs. OCD types love ICU for the detail and attention to minutiae, people who deal with chaos do better in the ER. Nursing has more jobs and environments than just about any other career so you can find a place that suits you. If you are a thinker and love a challenge I would say it would be a good fit. Good luck.

Specializes in LTC.

Im not a male nurse but I can relate to what you are saying. When I wanted started nursing school my husband HATED ithe idea. He was always like why are you doing that? wouldnt you just be cleaning up poop all day? and being the way i am lol, I went to nursing school to prove him wrong (and because I wanted to go anyways). lol well let me tell you what he sees it totally different now, he likes the fact Im doing what I enjoy doing and make a pretty good amount of pay. and no I havent wiped a butt since school, it really all depends on what your specialty is.

If you want to do it, then do it. You dont want to look back years later and say 'what if?'

just because your wife doesnt like nursing (her right) doesnt mean that you shouldnt either, shes prob scared at the thought of not having the income she is use to, many people are afraid of change exspecially financal.

you two should talk more about it, just let her know you two can make it work.

good luck and let us know what you decided to do

Thanks for the feedback guys. I appreciate you guys taking the time to reply, especially since I'm just a "wannabe nurse" :D (no harm in telling it like it is Nurse2033). The whole vomit/poop thing isnt really that big a deal to me as long as it isn't a daily thing. I grew up on a chicken farm, so compared to that, the rest is roses. You also make a good point 2033 because she doesnt have the same ethic as I do when it comes to helping others. But she isnt completely heartless either. I am thinking she is worried about me jumping into something I will regret. And Purple10, you also make a good point on the financial aspect of it. I could make a whole lot more as an accountant, but I think the real problem may be that I have a whole lot stronger stomach when it comes to taking risks. I think it goes back to something I didnt mention in my earlier post. About 2 years after getting married, I got laid off and we had to sell our house and go back to renting for a while. I'm glad you mentioned that, because I haven't talked to her about that side of it. And DaveyDo, you mentioned you have an associates. Do you ever wish you had gone for the bachelors? From what I have read, the only real difference is rank once in the job field. in other words, if you want to take on any managment responsibility, then a bachelors is needed, otherwise, an associates will be the same. Is that true?

Thanks again for all the feedback.

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
And DaveyDo, you mentioned you have an associates. Do you ever wish you had gone for the bachelors? From what I have read, the only real difference is rank once in the job field. in other words, if you want to take on any managment responsibility, then a bachelors is needed, otherwise, an associates will be the same. Is that true?

One of the reasons, among many, that I chose to go after a career in Nursing, was the choice of a non-lengthy educational process. As you see in my heading, I became an LPN as my first Nursing career choice. I figured, if I like it, I can always advance to the next level. If it wasn't the right career choice, I merely used up a year. It was the right career choice, so I advanced to RN.

I am quite happy with my current educational status. I have had two positions working as an Administrator. I was a Nursing Supervisor for a Home Health Agency. I also Supervised Medical Sevices and the Methadone Clinic at a Mental Health Clinic.

In the Facilities that I have dealt with, an RN with 2 years experience caries a lot of clout. At the last Mental Health Clinic I worked at, my RN carried the same status as a Master's Level Social Worker. Plus, I could perform other duties that an MSW couldn't, such as take Doctor orders, administer meds, etc.


Good to know Davey, The reason I asked was that if I stay on the business accounting track I have 2 years left. If I go for a bachelors in nursing, Im looking at about 3 years. My plan as of now (always subject to change) is to get my associates, take the NCLEX-RN exam and work for a year or two in the field and see if the BSN is something I will need to get where I want to go. Fortunately, the colleges in my area offer accelerated RN to BSN programs. But I think it was John Lennon that said "Life is what happens when you're busy making plans". So who knows. Thanks again for taking time to answer my questions

I'll second something that one of the earlier responders mentioned and that is the variety in nursing. This was one of the biggest reasons I chose it as a career. I'd seen too many folks who had trained and invested in education for a career that only allowed them to do one thing. And then, after a few years found that they really didn't like doing that one thing but felt like they had too much investment to change. With the same RN degree and license you can do incredibly varied work and find something that suits you, especially if you are willing to take a little risk to make a change. You can get jobs that involve patient education, where all your work is talking to people and you can get jobs in surgery where you rarely see anyone who's conscious. Some jobs are super technical, others more touchy-feely humanistic. Some are good for the ultra-organized, others are highly chaotic. You can make drastic changes in the nature of your work without having to go back to school and start over.

now the joke on me, having said all that, is that I found a job I loved soon after school and have stayed in it nearly 30 years now - so I chose nursing partly for the variety and then never took advantage of that aspect of it.

Oh: and one more thing to mention: I was a late starter in nursing school, starting at around 30. I was making a pretty practical, hard-headed decision. I hadn't grown up dreaming of being a nurse or anything. But once I was in the field there gradually grew on me a genuine sense of mission, of vocation in the old fashioned sense of the word. And now, at this time in my life I feel the specialness of our profession very deeply and a strong commitment to the history and role of nursing, not just as a job, but as a service. YMMV

I quit school for a while when my career started getting more demanding. My wife understands that side of it, but wants me to finish in the business/accounting field.

Here is the part of your post that I can't help but think to myself: "Who the hell does she (your wife) think she is (basically) telling you what field she wants you to be employed in?" That being said, you have to find a job/profession that makes YOU happy, not your wife. Instinct tells me she seems very controlling.

If she loves you, she will support every decision that you make; with the exception, of course, of those that may cause you, her or your children harm.

You want to be a nurse, go for it. If she's still your wife at your pinning ceremony so be it, if not, you were better off from jump street without her.

Harsh as I may sound, life is rough, nursing is even rougher; why be with someone that doesn't want to see you become what/who you want to become in life?

Support is everything in one's inner circle of family/friends/significant others. But support can be found from within as well.

Go for it, prove the world wrong and do what makes YOU happy.

You get but one life to live man, don't settle for what others (wife etc.) are willing (or not) to give you to help you succeed.

Never in my life would I stop myself from reaching a goal I set out to achieve. Women come and women go in one's life. You must maintain your dignity and self respect.

Great success I wish you.

Specializes in ED.

Purple10, how do you specialize in geriatrics and wound care and not wipe butt since school???

just curious

Specializes in Psych (25 years), Medical (15 years).
Purple10, how do you specialize in geriatrics and wound care and not wipe butt since school???

just curious

Perhaps, badphish, it's all a matter of perspective and sintax. You know, I don't "wipe butts". That sounds somewhat demeanining and like grunt work. I prefer to say that I provide hygienic measures for those who are incotinent of stool. I take pride in the job that I do. I can make those buns shine like a bumper on a new Buick!


Specializes in LTC.

DaveyDo, lol I like the way you put it 'hygenic measures'...yes 'hygenic measures' I have done.

when someone says askes a nurse if all they do all day is "wipe butts" its irritating. If the average person only knew what all nursing included, then they would know that 'wiping butts' is a very tiny part of the job, people dont come up to nurses that often and say 'thanks for saving a life today or thanks for taking great care of my father while he was here'...no they are worried about the 'dirty' part of the job the blood, urine, and feces part...like everyday is something out a horror movie.

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