Why are Nurses so mean to each other?

[Dixon, future NP]

I can't quite understand it. Nursing students, pre-nursing students and Nurses come here for support and advice but unfortunately they are greeted with a bunch of negativity and discouraged by fellow Nurses. We are professionals. I know it makes it easy to say negative things because you're hiding behind your computer but this is childish behavior.

I understand this behavior is not everyone. I would like to thank those who have been supportive of myself and others.

[HM-8404, BSN, RN]

I still stand by what I said and remember it's my definition of mean. Most people aren't aware that what they are saying is mean otherwise they wouldn't say. Few people are purposefully mean. Though maybe mean isn't the word. Arrogant and purposefully offensive. I decided against posting examples because that IS purposefully devise. I could PM you but I doubt you'd be receptive.

Being compared to a senator isn't such a bad thing especially since he's the senate majority leader and I'm a democrat. Win Win. (Though some might call that mean. Republicans for example)

By all means PM me with any of my posts that you consider mean.

[HM-8404, BSN, RN]

If someone is stressed out about their job, why do they necessarily have to rethink their entire career? Nursing is luckily such a broad field that it offers limitless options for specialization. If a person is too stressed in a high paced environment like ER for example, they might find that a job as a case worker or in a medical office to be a better fit.

As for the military being the closest thing to legalized slavery?? Seriously..? I don't want to be one of these so-called "mean nurses" and say how absurd that statement is lol, but what the heck... REALLY?!? Going into the military is a choice & provides compensation, slavery is not chosen or rewarded. Military represents honor, slavery is degrading & inhumane. In the military you absolutely have the choice as to what job you will do, first with which branch of service you want, what specialty training/education (mechanic, flight, medical), and whether you choose to advance your career to higher ranking positions, slavery offers no choices.

I apologize if it seems I'm veering off subject w/my post, just couldn't go without responding to that poor choice for comparison, even though I'm usually the last person to be defending most military practices lol.

In response to the original topic, I too am tired of all the posts about "old vs young nurses, icu vs ER, fired for no reason b/c I made 20 med errors, pretty or fat nurses are mean" etc. But this problem isnt specific to nursing, its wherever you work, and first starts in school with cliques. Do I think that our society has changed significantly in the last 20yrs or so? Of course! Our culture has become very ego-centric, self serving, hypersensitive to criticism, and less caring of others, hence patient care now takes less priority and customer service is #1. Years ago, people had manners, were considerate, and polite. Nowadays it isn't unheard of for a patient to scream, cuss, and insult a nurse because they can't get food 20min after coming to the ER, or when the doctor doesn't order dilaudid for their toothache.

At 27 I have had the misfortune of having to grow up in a society with this modern way of thinking, but was thankfully brought up with a sense of respect, consideration of others, manners, and integrity. Because of that I will always respect and appreciate the information and opinions of more experienced nurses whether they are old, young, fat, thin, pretty, or ugly. And when they offer their criticism of my practice (even with my 4yrs experience), I will take consideration and know that they just might know better than I do, and not start whining that they're picking on me or being mean.

Unfortunately my values & morals are not shared by the majority, thus we are going to continue this debate for years to come. Some older nurses MIGHT be unfriendly towards younger nurses, maybe because they are frustrated at the frequent lack of accountability and defensive attitudes. Maybe the ugly nurses DO get annoyed with prettier ones... Maybe b/c male physicians are less respectful when speaking to her than the prettier nurses. Those are completely fictional examples of the perceptions that fuel this debate, & were not meant to fuel the fire but make us take pause, and to try understanding the feeling behind another's behavior toward ourselves before we assume they are just bullies out to get us.

First of all I didn't say the military is slavery, I said it is the closest you can get in the US.

Not so much in how you get there but what happens after you have raised your right hand. As a member of the US military you lose many of your civil rights. Including your 1st Amendment right to free speech.

[Cold Stethoscope]

Thank you. I know I am old and Alzheimer's is probably right around the corner, but I didn't think I had posted anything that could realistically be considered "mean."

I guess some people make accusations without any proof. Makes me wonder if Harry Reid is a member of Allnurses.

Are you or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party? That would be hard to disprove, but you could release your taxes (as your father did) if I accused you of not paying taxes and definitively settle the matter.

You pretty much said that if you don't like the heat, get out of the kitchen. In other words, if you're not willing to put up with unlimited abuse, you're not qualified to perform the job of a nurse. So, then what? Anyone who ever complains about their working conditions is a communist agitator? Is the employer ever wrong, or is it always a matter of getting the right, compliant workforce?

HM, you are a sarcastic, in-your-face person, at least on this forum. That is fine with me, but let's not call a spade a junebug.

[Stephalump]

Thank you. I know I am old and Alzheimer's is probably right around the corner, but I didn't think I had posted anything that could realistically be considered "mean."

I guess some people make accusations without any proof. Makes me wonder if Harry Reid is a member of Allnurses.

Well, "meanness" is clearly in the eye d the beholder. Sarcastic, blunt, or not, I don't equate those things with being "mean" unless there is a clear intent to degrade someone.

The Internet is a terrible mode of communication for me. I don't have a froo-froo style of writing and it makes me seem far more severe than I would ever come off in real life.

Not that I'm a nun in any venue. I have a sharp tongue and, unfortunately, a propensity toward words that could make a sailor blush. BUT, I do my darnedest (see that self-editing?) to control it. But the internet makes it more difficult to gauge your audience, sometimes things slip through if I'm rubbed the wrong way, and some people just aren't comfortable with any kind of bluntness, edited or not.

It's the nature of the game.

[HM-8404, BSN, RN]

Are you or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party? That would be hard to disprove, but you could release your taxes (as your father did) if I accused you of not paying taxes and definitively settle the matter.

Are you or have you ever been a member of the Communist Party? Say what? I posted that? I didn't think so.

You pretty much said that if you don't like the heat, get out of the kitchen. In other words, if you're not willing to put up with unlimited abuse, you're not qualified to perform the job of a nurse. So, then what? Anyone who ever complains about their working conditions is a communist agitator? Is the employer ever wrong, or is it always a matter of getting the right, compliant workforce?

I pretty much said? No. I exactly said that not everyone can handle stress. If someone's job stresses them out that much maybe they should make a career change for their own health and well being. You claim to be a nurse, what are the results of excessive stress on the human body and psyche? There are many good people that don't handle stress well.

HM, you are a sarcastic, in-your-face person, at least on this forum. That is fine with me, but let's not call a spade a junebug.

I can be the most sarcastic, in your face person you will run across when it is warranted. On the other hand, I am rarely cruel or unkind. I am a realist and try to give realistic advice. If someone struggles with math I would tell them they probably don't need a career in engineering. If a nurse can't handle large amounts of stress stay out of the ED, chose another "less glamorous" unit. If that makes you think I am mean, then I guess I am just a mean SOB.

People need to recognize their own shortcomings. For quite some time I thought I wanted to be a PT. After some self reflection I realized I do not have a cheerleader type personality, so I would not be successful nor happy in that career.

[Cold Stethoscope]

I can be the most sarcastic, in your face person you will run across when it is warranted.

That is clear here, whatever your working definition of "warranted" is.

On the other hand, I am rarely cruel or unkind.

From your location inside your head, how can you know that? Anyone who tells you otherwise is discounted because you are "a realist and try to give realistic advice."

If someone struggles with math I would tell them they probably don't need a career in engineering. If a nurse can't handle large amounts of stress stay out of the ED, chose another "less glamorous" unit. If that makes you think I am mean, then I guess I am just a mean SOB.

Those are very nice straw men, but go back and read the original posts.

People need to recognize their own shortcomings. For quite some time I thought I wanted to be a PT. After some self reflection I realized I do not have a cheerleader type personality, so I would not be successful nor happy in that career.

Any time someone has an issue at their job, it does not automatically mean that they were not cut out for the job. Sure, there are people who aspire to things they are not cut out for, but a stressing over hostile work environment, for instance, does not make one unqualified for their job.

I wonder if there is ever a reason to consider the benefits of a union contract to all involved (especially the patients), or it that just commie hoo-ha. Naw, it's the fault of those nurses who won't just stand there and be cr*pped on as their employer makes record profits, and as their CEO makes a huge bonus. Those pinko nurses need to fall in line.

[Cold Stethoscope]

May 29th...

After reading many threads on here I would say one attribute is after you get the hang of your job you have to learn how to torment new nurses on your floor. You must learn how to make everyday they come to work completely miserable. Make sure you get in the right click or your days will be filled with misery.

As you have not started nursing school.....I want you to remember that here....many come to vent. Nursing is humanity in all its intensity and ugliness. Some Days it just gets to you. But after 34 years of nursing there is NOTHING I'd rather be doing.

[tothepointeLVN, LVN]

I can be the most sarcastic, in your face person you will run across when it is warranted. On the other hand, I am rarely cruel or unkind. I am a realist and try to give realistic advice. If someone struggles with math I would tell them they probably don't need a career in engineering. If a nurse can't handle large amounts of stress stay out of the ED, chose another "less glamorous" unit. If that makes you think I am mean, then I guess I am just a mean SOB.

Look you provided your own examples. I used to word mean because it fits into the title of the thread. I used to feel the same way as you did that I was a forthright person and if people didn't like it well that was because they couldn't handle the truth. That wasn't the case I was just plain being mean and sometimes still am.

Oh and not everything from your previous life ports over the nursing.

[metal_m0nk, BSN, RN]

I hear you. Just know that you risk being dinged with a "posting to be divisive only" warning if someone really doesn't like what you're saying. Too many of those and you are disappeared from the site.

That sounds a bit like a veiled threat. Odd.

Do you have the authority to make such a threat?

[HM-8404, BSN, RN]

That is clear here, whatever your working definition of "warranted" is.

From your location inside your head, how can you know that? Anyone who tells you otherwise is discounted because you are "a realist and try to give realistic advice."

I know the difference between being cruel or unkind, and giving sound realistic advice because I am not a moron.

Any time someone has an issue at their job, it does not automatically mean that they were not cut out for the job. Sure, there are people who aspire to things they are not cut out for, but a stressing over hostile work environment, for instance, does not make one unqualified for their job.

There is a big difference in not being suited for a job and not being qualified to do that job.

I wonder if there is ever a reason to consider the benefits of a union contract to all involved (especially the patients), or it that just commie hoo-ha. Naw, it's the fault of those nurses who won't just stand there and be cr*pped on as their employer makes record profits, and as their CEO makes a huge bonus. Those pinko nurses need to fall in line.

If you think a union contract takes the stress out of a job then I say you have never worked a union job.

[HM-8404, BSN, RN]

May 29th...

Anyone that reads the vast numbers of posts by new grads, and not so new, would come to pretty much the same conclusion.

I'm not going to count them but I would bet there are far more posts on Allnurses by people complaining about their jobs than those talking about how much they love it.

What other conclusion would you think someone would come to?

Quote from HM-8404

After reading many threads on here I would say one attribute is after you get the hang of your job you have to learn how to torment new nurses on your floor. You must learn how to make everyday they come to work completely miserable. Make sure you get in the right click or your days will be filled with misery.

[tothepointeLVN, LVN]

If you get into the other parts of the site other than General Nursing and the student section you'll start to find a lot more positive threads. Besides do I need to blow off steam in a thread by how rewarding my job is. It is btw and you'll seldom see me venting about it on here.