Why are nurses such back-stabbers?

teeituptom, BSN, RN · Dec 25, 2006

I am as passive aggressive as anyone in the worl if not more so

However at work I am quiet, I dont interact with my peers, I dont socialize with my peers, I hardly talk to my peers, If it doesnt concern patient care then my peers dont even exist to me. I dont gossip, I dont backstab, though I did get an A Plus in Backstabbing 101. I go to work, for 1 reason, and that is to work and take care of patients. Well maybe a second reason is so I can afford to golf. I dont eat the young nurses though they are tasty when you use Jalapeno Mustard. If you come to me with a non patient care issue, then Dont tell me, I dont want to hear it. If your spouse is an odd one, dont tell me, I wont acknowledge your existence on this planet.

Think about it, I work only to care of patients, not my co workers. A novel approach. But anyhting else is a distraction that wastes my time and energym which could be directed at patient care or golf.

chadash · Dec 26, 2006

I am as passive aggressive as anyone in the worl if not more so
However at work I am quiet, I dont interact with my peers, I dont socialize with my peers, I hardly talk to my peers, If it doesnt concern patient care then my peers dont even exist to me. I dont gossip, I dont backstab, though I did get an A Plus in Backstabbing 101. I go to work, for 1 reason, and that is to work and take care of patients. Well maybe a second reason is so I can afford to golf. I dont eat the young nurses though they are tasty when you use Jalapeno Mustard. If you come to me with a non patient care issue, then Dont tell me, I dont want to hear it. If your spouse is an odd one, dont tell me, I wont acknowledge your existence on this planet.
Think about it, I work only to care of patients, not my co workers. A novel approach. But anyhting else is a distraction that wastes my time and energym which could be directed at patient care or golf.

I hear what you are saying, but would like to suggest something for your consideration. It is commendable that your focus, your total focus, is on the quality of patient care. But you can not give that care alone. Relating to other at work in a positive way many times goes beyond the bounds of "just the facts, mame". Having a positive and supportive relationship with your coworkers does impact patient care. Teamwork is a focus on a common goal (that you do all required to get the most positive outcome for your patient) but cannot totally ignore the fact that you and your coworkers are complex human beings.

I do aggree that gossip is an absolute no no. Nothing can sabotage teamwork faster!

lorster · Dec 26, 2006

I would gladly leave this profession if I could find another in which I didn't have to worry about losing everything that I've ever worked for because some catty little brat took my words out of context and blew them out of proportion to my boss.
Do people not realize that their words have power? That those words can literally destroy lives?
I make a great target because I don't join in on the gossip. And if there's one thing I've learned, if you're not right in there with them, you get targeted.
Give them no ammo?
I'd love to, but it's a bit unrealistic. Coworkers follow each other and critique each others' every move throughout the day.
This last job, I thought everyone was so nice. Then one night, I'm sitting in the back doing my charting and I hear every single one of them ripping the absent ones to absolute shreds. It was disgusting. I just wanted to walk out right then and there, and I completely lost my respect for these otherwise excellent nurses.
I'm tired of it and I'm glad I'll be getting out soon.

I'm with you on this one. I keep my nose to the grind. I have been at my place of employment for long enough to observe those that are tattling to the boss. And it is many of them. I would get out of this profession in a heartbeat if I could make as much elsewhere.

lorster · Dec 26, 2006

I hear what you are saying, but would like to suggest something for your consideration. It is commendable that your focus, your total focus, is on the quality of patient care. But you can not give that care alone. Relating to other at work in a positive way many times goes beyond the bounds of "just the facts, mame". Having a positive and supportive relationship with your coworkers does impact patient care. Teamwork is a focus on a common goal (that you do all required to get the most positive outcome for your patient) but cannot totally ignore the fact that you and your coworkers are complex human beings.
I do aggree that gossip is an absolute no no. Nothing can sabotage teamwork faster!

I beg to differ. The minute you bring anything personal into anything at work, it is subject to gossip. It has happened to me time and time again. It always gets back to me no matter what. I focus on the patient. You can accomplish good patient care and have a professional working relationship with your peers, period. It goes no further than that. I also do not want to hear about anyones personal life at work, that should stay at home.The less my coworkers know about me, the better. I do my job completely and try not to leave a mess for the next shift and I expect the same in return. If more nurses did this, it would make for a more pleasant place to work.

EmerNurse, BSN, RN · Dec 26, 2006

I can see where Tom's going with this. I'm always friendly at work and get along very well with my co-workers. We do chit-chat here and there, but it IS chit-chat. More along the lines of "hey, did ya see that XXX won the championship?" general stuff, rather than "guess who Susie went out with Last night?" type of things. My co-workers know I'm married and have 4 kids and am expecting a grandbaby soon. And when I think about it, that's about ALL they know about me. And I like it that way. I don't bring my personal problems to work and I really don't need to hear the details of my co-workers' relationship woes (which I do hear, and often).

I don't gossip and save any opinions I have on anything for my spouse who listens with a rapt expression on his face and says "yes dear" in just the right tone to let me think he cares LOL.

So yeah, I can understand Tom's idea of focusing on patient care and not getting "too friendly" at work. I also presume that if I mentioned to Tom that "hey That guy Tiger Whatshisname won that tournament, didn't he?" that Tom would do more than bark out when the next Tropo's due in 227-1.

PS - love Putt Putt -anything else's too much walking

chadash · Dec 27, 2006

I beg to differ. The minute you bring anything personal into anything at work, it is subject to gossip. It has happened to me time and time again. It always gets back to me no matter what. I focus on the patient. You can accomplish good patient care and have a professional working relationship with your peers, period. It goes no further than that. I also do not want to hear about anyones personal life at work, that should stay at home.The less my coworkers know about me, the better. I do my job completely and try not to leave a mess for the next shift and I expect the same in return. If more nurses did this, it would make for a more pleasant place to work.

Thanks for the warning. I think I will be more careful.

wincha · Dec 27, 2006

Why do nurses feel the need to "tattle" on colleagues to the boss for petty things? Behavior like this does nothing to elevate our profession and everything to keep us down. Why are there some nurses who feel superior when they tell on someone to the manager? This recently happened to me and I thought I had a good rapport with my co-workers yet one of them ratted me out to the boss on an off-the-cuff remark that I made. Why does this happen? Is it because the majority of nurses are women and women are catty individuals. I'm a woman btw. From now on though, I am just going to do my work, and only talk to the other nurses/aides about clinically relevant stuff only. Other than that, I'll keep my nose in a book. Actually, I won't be working at this current place much longer. There are staffing issues that put my license in jeoprady so I am starting a job hunt after the holidays.
So, why do we do this to eachother?

I have no idea. Its so unprofessional and have been a RN for over 20 years. My recent job I was asked to "tell" on people and I told another manager I feel comfortable talking to that I tell my children not to tell on people unless something is dangerous and I find it unprofessional to be asked to do this(minor things). It doesn't help bring your team together either. I do my job and don't want to be into anyone elses biz.

Barb101 · Dec 27, 2006

Its sounds like a lot of social islands coming to gether for only 1 purpose Hmmm wouldnt it be great if we could diversify, Then perhaps team work will actually work. I dont mean we need to know deep and meaningful personal stuff.

Then only thing wrong with nursing is people LOL that would be like no more work :/

chadash · Dec 29, 2006

Any advice for those only just beginning nursing school next fall to help us keep above the fray? I just want to do my job and school well and keep a low profile...or will that work against me? I'm not a game player!!

I am not a nurse, I am an aide, but the enviroment is the same. Right now I am working with a great bunch of coworkers, that have taught me alot more than how to do my job, but have been wonderful examples of how to cope on my job.

Alot of us who go into this kind of work really like people. I personally get the biggest kick out of being with people all day. But I also want to do my very best for my patients, and that is difficult with the time constraints and the endless needs. So I get tense, and am not always wise in who I trust.

I have learned to watch the other nursing assistants and nurses who really are copers, seem to be able to stay out of the line of fire without being hermits. One thing I have seen is they have the ability to evaluate who is "safe" and who is not. They also seem to know when to lay low. Nursing is a real character builder. I am so impressed with how some of my co workers remain unruffled by the bad behavoir of others. They are not detached from there patients or others who are sincere, but exhibit detachment in the presence of difficult people.

Green turtle · Dec 29, 2006

I have worked with some unbelieveably talented nurses who gave excellent patient care. BUT if things got slow they gossiped and connived and their bad behavior almost outshadowed the good.

The best environments I've worked in had a good mix of male and female. The women don't act like cats with men around, and the men don't act like dogs if there are enough women. It's funny how we bring out the best in each other. The last two hospitals I've been at have had no male staff nurses in my area. It was not pretty.

Seems like the other thing that makes nurses act back-stabbing and snotty is the idea that they have to claw and be ruthless to get ahead. There are plenty of nursing jobs around. If you hate the one you have you can have another in two weeks!

chadash · Dec 30, 2006

One comment about the attitudes some take toward nursing assistants. Again, most, if not almost all, of the nurses I work with give nursing assistants respect and treat them with dignity.

But, frankly, that is not always true. There is a tendency for those in higher positions in the organization to not just speak to NAs as someone whose job is less skilled (we are less skilled), but to deal with us as children (we are not children).

fuzzie · Jan 20, 2007

Hi to all who have contributed to this topic --
Here's the thing; having talked this over with a psychologist, it was put to me this way: IF you, as a conscientious, ethical, worker do all you can in a given day to provide the best possible care within the scope of your responsibilities, then you set an example of doing the right thing. Often, others notice that you are doing what they themselves are not, whether that includes taking an extra few seconds to calm someone in pain, or listen to a concerned family member, it only highlights to the observing co-worker the things they realize they should also be doing. Perhaps they've remarked to you that 'patient so-and-so is very difficult' but then see said patient respond warmly to you because of your extra effort and little bit of attention. That sets up some uncomfortable feelings in the co-worker; it requires reassessment of their own skills and abilities.
Face it, none of us like to look in the mirror and see warts. So what is easier? Instead of making changes internally, striking out by way of high-school type behavior is a tried and true defense mechanism that frankly, quite a few people resort to. It isn't an answer, it isn't mature, and it usually sets up an uncomfortable environment for all involved; sometimes (in the case of a LTC setting) even patients get involved in these mini-dramas. This is only an explanation as to the why of it; how to 'change' how nurses and other health-care professions treat each other belongs to each and every one, it comes from within. Recognizing that others may feel threatened by someone modeling behavior in a higher standard goes a long way to diffusing a sense of "What's their problem?".
Their 'problem' is just that; THEIR problem.

BINGO. That's what I've been thinking as I read these posts. People feel threatened for one reason or another.

I work as a flight attendant currently, dominated with a female workforce. The funny thing is...I RARELY see this type of behavior among the women I work with. There is always a mix of male and female...about 4 to 1 on overseas trips. On domestic, I usually am the only male. But I don't see the problem in my profession. We work as a team and get the job done. What threatens one of us, threatens all of us.

The larger problem with us is my company...United...it is really a sucky dysfunctional organization.