Why did I do this to myself?

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Specializes in ER/ICU, CCL, EP.

I graduated in December 07. I got a job in a SICU with med overflow.

My orientation is horrible. They keep yanking me off the floor to do classes as soon as I get slightly comfortable in the unit. By the time I get back to the unit, I have forgotten half of what I learned. I am so anxious that I actually asked for the week before my boards OFF. I couldn't think at all! (Boards on Mar 12!)

My preceptor on Days was awesome. I am going to nights next week, and I am terrified....because there are no in-house docs at night! (I am hired as straight nights) I will have to call and wake doctors up all night when my patients have problems! How stressful is that? These guys act like I am bothering them when I ask them a completely appropriate question when they are on-site during the day! :uhoh3:

I am starting to think that I made the wrong decision. I wanted to be an ICU nurse so badly, but I do not feel like I will be able to give safe and effective care by myself in 2 months! I am thinking about asking for a transfer to stepdown or a m/s floor. I don't feel like I know nearly enough to do this. Maybe that year of m/s was a good idea.

I actually have physical symptoms of anxiety every single time I go to work. Am I going to look like a complete idiot if I ask for a transfer? Do I have to stick with this for a year? I am almost completely sure that it is not for me.

:hngon:

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how long was your orientation, 8 wks?

around here, new grads get minimum of 12 wk orientation for icu.

plus, i'm thinking you're even more stressed because of your boards on the 12th.

if your orientation was only 8 wks, you could consider asking for another 4:

or just telling them you do not feel prepared in starting your reg shift.

as for calling docs during the noc...eventually you'll become more confident.

just always anticipate all data they will need about the pt...vs, presentation, chief c/o, labs.

and tough cookies for them.

it's their pt and this is what doctors do.

you'll learn how to deal w/the bullies.

don't worry about more than you have to.

one crisis at a time, sweetie.

first year is just sooooo darned tough.

much, much learning and new experiences.

talk to your nm about extending your orientation.

and get through your nclex exam.

wishing you a wondrous journey, and much success.

leslie

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Specializes in ER/ICU, CCL, EP.

My orientation is actually 16 weeks, but I have 8 weeks left. Its just that half of that time has been spent in classes.

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Specializes in SICU.

I graduated in December 2006 and started my first job on a very fast-paced intermediate care Trauma/Emergency General Surgery floor in January of 2007. I had two different preceptors, neither of which were good matches for me and left me feeling incompetent and afraid to ask questions. There was a time, probably exactly around 1 year ago, when I was really struggling and considering quitting my job. Just one year later, I cannot imagine leaving this job. I just started precepting a new grad 3 weeks ago, after I am done precepting my manager wants me to do start doing charge, and I absolutely love most of the people I work with. Last year, if someone had told me I would be doing all this and actually having fun at my job, I would never have believed it. The difference that even 6 months and then 1 year at the same job makes is amazing. Please don't give up just yet, give yourself a little more time before you make any decisions about leaving your current job. Starting in the ICU as a new grad is a huge learning curve but I have personally known many new grads who have done it and loved it. You can get through it!

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Specializes in ED/trauma.
I am starting to think that I made the wrong decision...

I actually have physical symptoms of anxiety every single time I go to work...I am almost completely sure that it is not for me.

:hngon:

Me too... and I'm definitely hanging on by a thread... :sniff:

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Specializes in Rural Health.

I agree with Leslie, one crisis at a time.

NCLEX is done and over.....so now....

Concentrate on getting the most out of orientation.

The first year is just plain nuts. I wish there was a magic pill or wand that would make it easier, but there isn't. You are going to be thrown around from shift to shift, preceptor to preceptor and you just have to make the best of it.

A year from now you'll be totally amazed at how far you have come. You'll read this post and you'll think....wow...I can't believe I ever felt that way. Getting to that point though is really scarey and really hard. We all know, we've all been there.

As for nights - I have a feeling you'll be suprised. Nights is a whole other world and co-workers tend to be more team oriented. Your preceptor and more experienced staff on nights will help you deal with the ugly doctors and they'll help you to devise ways you never thought possible when dealing with things.

Give it all a chance to work itself out and give yourself some time to learn.

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Best of luck on passing the boards. Hope you hear good news soon. Agree with the others who say that you shouldn't give up so soon. When you are about to call a doctor, get a piece of paper and write down the info you want to tell him and have the chart ready. Open your ears and listen when other nurses call the doc and listen to what they say, so it sounds more familiar to you. You will get the hang of it. It just takes time. And remember to only concentrate on one shift at a time. Don't overwhelm yourself with negative thoughts. Good luck to you.

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Specializes in CRNA.

Believe me, things WILL get easier! I am a December 2006 grad, and went right away into a general ICU. I was miserable during my orientation and asked for an extra couple of weeks because my confidence was next to nothing! I was seriously considering quitting during my first few months. I too was hired onto straight nights and I can tell you that there is a lot of teamwork and I did not have problems w/calling docs @ noc (hey, this is why they earn the big $$!) I always thought that some of them would give me crap for calling, but none ever did (all in the name of safety for their patient!) Now that it's been over a year @ my job, I can say that I am not nervous anymore, I love my co-workers, I don't have that dreaded feeling before going in....most of this just takes time and then you get used to your routine and flow of the unit. If ICU is what you want to do, stick it out! trust me! :)

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Specializes in ER/ICU, CCL, EP.

I did pass boards, found out this morning. :yeah:

I am going to try to stick it out, and see if I can take it. I am just pretty overwhelmed.

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Congratulations!!! Now take a little time to bask in your achievement! You deserve it!!!:balloons::balloons::balloons:

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Specializes in Trauma/Burn ICU, Neuro ICU.

Congratulations on passing the boards. Hey......maybe think about changing your screen name? You are NOT a silly girl.

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Specializes in ER/ICU, CCL, EP.
Congratulations on passing the boards. Hey......maybe think about changing your screen name? You are NOT a silly girl.

LOL...ok, so I am going to explain the screen name ;)

SillyStudent came to be because it was somewhat silly for me to become a student. I will never make as much money, or have as 'cushy' a job as I had in my former career. I worked full time for 10 bucks an hour as a tech while I went to school, after I resigned from my perfectly good job. :banghead:

I wanted to help people.... I was the Exec. Director of a non-profit. Prior to that, I managed a portfolio of low income housing. ;) All I ever wanted to be was a Nurse. :nurse:

I will be a SillyStudent for a long time. I want a Masters, and I am not sure if I will pursue a career as an APN or as an educator...later, after I learn to be a nurse.

Today was a great day for me, the most fulfilling day in my professional life. Passing the NCLEX and becoming an RN was extremely emotional for me. I am in my mid thirties, and I have a chronic pain disorder. I am the first person in my family to ever go to college. My Mother cried her eyes out today. :)

Thanks for the grats :)

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