This is the season of gratitude and giving. As nurses you may feel like you can't do another thing for anyone else. Then take this time and give to yourself. Be grateful for what is working in your life. A regular practice of gratitude is known to shift perspective, change attitudes and rejuvenate.
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Numerous studies have been done to reflect the significant changes in mood, attitude and even trips to the physician as a result of a regular practice of gratitude. A $6 million dollar research project was undertaken by The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley along with the University of California, Davis, to explore the science of gratitude. This massive effort resulted in numerous grants being given to explore everything from the changes in gene expression to the changes in relationships to neuroscience to heart disease and more as a result of a regular practice of gratitude.
So if gratitude is so great, why is it only talked about at Thanksgiving? Do we really need a holiday to remind ourselves to be grateful? Evidently we do. The problem is that it comes too late in the year and by the time the day rolls around most people are too tired to really make this practice of gratitude part of their day.
That is what happened to me. Instead of being grateful, early in my nursing career I lived off of caffeine and the adrenaline rush that came from working in critical care. I loved the technology and the heroic effort required to do my job. That is until one day I had to wait for furniture to be delivered.
I thought I would go crazy. I did not have a computer or smart phone. Believe it or not it was before they came out. I had to just wait. I was given a window of 4 hours and of course the delivery came at the end of 4 hours. During that time I realized I was hooked on the fast pace of work and desperately needed to reboot myself so I could learn to live life.
This AHA moment helped me to realize that I was missing out on so much of my life because I was always looking forward to the next thing. Anything that happened in the moment was missed. I did not experience the many moments in the day when someone said, "Thank you" for what I did, nor did I recognize those times when someone needed me to just listen.
In the whirlwind of saving the world and feeling so important, I lost the ability to be grateful and present. Instead I felt cynical. Sarcastic and a believer in Murphy 's Law that nothing ever turned out OK, I went through each day expecting problems until I had to stop and just be with myself. I did not like being with myself.
I am grateful today for hitting this wall and recognizing that life is not best lived at 100 mph. I am grateful to nursing for the holistic framework in which I can view life. It has been decades since I have worked in a clinical setting however in private practice I have considered myself a nurse and love the opportunity to continue to serve others. This is what nursing offers, the opportunity to serve and in doing so to feel a part of something bigger. Before burnout, it was all about me and what I was doing. Having come face to face with the ugly truth of what I had become, I can now say I am grateful for burning out. It was at that point I had the chance to reclaim that part of me I lost along the way.
