Why Do Nurses Eat Their Own?

As current times have shown, we're short staffed. Administration wants to make money. So cuts are made to equipment and man power. Who has your back? Who can you rely on? Your fellow nurses? I'm not so sure anymore. Why do we as nurses eat our own when we should be teaching them and guarding them as our own. The fact is as we age our young nurses are going to be taking care of us, but there are those all too eager beavers who will in fact burn you. This is my experience.

This is my own personal experience as to why nurses eat their own? I have been in nursing for 20+ years. I've watched a lot of nurses come and go and some trying to move up that corporate food chain leaving a path of destruction a mile wide in their path. It's a very sad thing to have witnessed nursing go from a caring environment to a volatile, stressful, "me" environment.

I personally have never thrown anyone under the bus but I have been thrown under the bus by a nurse trying to move up. I was shocked, not to be naive but how callus and calculating this nurse had become in such a short period of time. She was a new grad. I took her under my wing, taught her in a specialty area just to be told shortly thereafter that there were going to be cuts in this area, and I was one of the people being cut along with approximately 20 more nurses. I then found out that my underling I had taught was at the helm of helping administration make these cuts based on who had been there longest, made the most per hour and new grads or new hires would be cheaper. So it was done and my underling moved up to an office of ease while the rest of us were dispersed throughout the facility or some even let go destroying lives and careers.

Once moved to another area of the facility I witnessed a male nurse dating several other female nurses turning them against each other and ending up dating a charge nurse that was best friends with the manager of that department, so they were allowed to cuddle up at the nurses' station and pretty much did nothing else other than sneak outside. Yes all of this was reported by others than myself, however administration didn't care, bottom line was man hours not pt care.

I've since left that facility after many years. I am now at a new facility and have already picked up on the "eager" young nurses more than willing to talk behind other nurses' backs. This is disappointing. The nursing school and instructors of old that I had the privilege of going to and being taught by would be appalled and would not have tolerated for one moment. Is loyalty, character and earning your title without harming something taught in nursing schools? Should certain psychiatric characters be red flags for school administrators be implemented to prevent cannibalism within nursing?

I feel as if those great women who pioneered nursing to care for the sick, indigent and wounded would be so saddened by the "General Hospital", "Grays Anatomy"; "high school acting" nurses of today. On that note I don't want to diminish the fact that nurses have to be go-getters, usually type A, hungry for knowledge; however there's a professional line where we should have each other's back.

Nurses go to college to achieve a degree of higher learning along with all the nursing classes. You're professionals, intellectuals. Would you compromise your name, integrity and reputation for a easier schedule, a desk job, an office? All you have to do is help relocate or terminate 20 to 25 fellow nurses?

I am curious to the opinions of others, so please post. BTW this underling was moved back down the food chain and eventually out the door and with no friends or references to rely on now.

Before going down this road ask yourself. Why did I become a nurse? To help others who need it or to eat my young? If you answer or turn into the later, I fear you may be in the wrong profession...

Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
nursel56 said:
I guess my problem with the headline situation is that I feel, they contain false premises most often leading to a rousing, rancorous nurse-on-nurse throwdown. We had the "do BSN's save lives?" headline and the "you've been lied to" headline which I would put in that category. I'm sorry, but it really bothers me. Maybe I should voice this someplace else on the site, but there you have it nevertheless.

nrsgofold-- seems you've had a string of jobs not working out, the jockeying for position and betrayals just suck no matter what you call it.

Hope you finally find an employer who values your experience and teaching talents.

Sorry, but you guys assume way too much...Doesmit matter to you at all that the way we treat each other has changed...No one seems to want to hear that part...just offense taken, offense taken...does the shoe fit?

Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
Been there,done that said:
Florence would like me!

There is the occasional nurse that is so frustrated with their situation, that they take it out on the kids. Most of the oldy moldys just want to mentor and guide.

Thank you...but "am I an oldy moldy?

Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
mindlor said:
Replies like this highlight the ops point....mean spirited and nasty....and reading on through many nasty posts continue....why even bother to reply with a snarky negative post....wait I know.....you are nurses....attempting to make yourselves look like you are all that while trying to minimize the credibility of the OP....Unreal

Can I like what you just said 5000 times?

Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
calivianya said:
I suspect it's unique to nursing.

I worked a variety of customer service jobs prior to nursing and ran into lots of people stepping on each other. We'd all complain about the worst offenders, but it's not like it surprised or horrified us in some moral way. It was just human nature and not surprising at all. I have also been trained for customer service jobs by people who didn't particularly want to train me and/or weren't particularly nice, but I wasn't morally offended and screaming, "Customer service people eat their young!!!" either - once again, human nature.

I don't know what it is about nursing that makes us such drama queens about this topic.

Drama queens? Are you kidding me? I feel as though those who don't get this are missing the point. Nurses used to support one another much like fire fighters, police officers, military folks... And don't get me started in the abuses of all that. Nurses have registered high on the lists for the most trusted professions for good reason.

Do you really think that us "oldy moldys" as you call us don't realize that there are mean people all over the place? Do you really think we are not aware of human behavior? No you cannot get beyond your perceived offense that you miss the whole point.

The profession changed dramatically in the past 10-15 or so years...at least. It's not just about the one jerk who takes advantage. There will always be some of those. How many times I have been in meetings called by administrators to tell us they are making some change, adding one more thing to our already over-loaded plates etc...where I was the only one raising my hand to diplomatically and professionally voice concern about whatever the new, one more thing being added to our plates was about and the impact it will have and have no one else speak up? Then after the meeting 5 people come to me to say..." Oh you are so right. What they are doing is so wrong." And then...complain, complain, complain, but No back up. No one standing up in fear they will be thought of unfavorably by administration. Then, feeling disenfranchised, burned out, and pissed off because of the business practices, they know are wrong, they do nothing to try to change it. "Im not going to stick my neck out.". I'll just save my own neck. In the mean time, this "oldy moldy" is the only one looking like she has a problem. Failure to adapt, (to borrow a military term).

I'll say it again..."We used to support one another.". And, in spite of all the changes, I am still here, and I will continue to do my damndest to support you! Thanks.

Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
Mom To 4, DNP-FNP said:
The truth is people at work aren't your friends. They are acquaintances that you work with for 12 hours. When you go home they don't come with you. Co-workers are supposed to be team members during that 12 hour shift working together to provide better patient care. They aren't there to have your back or ensure that you love your job. People place too much weight on what a co-worker is. As long as they take care of their patients, help when they are able, & show up at a code who cares how quickly they move up? I don't because I'm there to pay my bills not worry about how someone else pays theirs. Karma always catches up. It's only a matter of time before that nurse feels like she can trust the wrong co-worker. Then she will be the one talking about the knife in her back. Keep work at work and your life outside of that.

Your main point is well-taken. However, for me, it's not about moving up. I'm the first to applaud your accomplishment. It's about the over-all change of attitude that appears to prevail these days. For example, the numbers of Nurses who get "run out" of the profession because for example, they had a different learning style than the "one" teaching style their preceptor was prepared to use. The ones whose preceptor is/was not interested in precepting, but was one of the few who had enough experience to take on the role (and I know it is a lot more work piled onto an already very challenging work load). I remember "differences" being acknowledged and adaptations made in an effort to try to ensure that the new person was successful. I'm talking about caring if the new person was successful and making more than the absolute minimum effort to try to help them be successful. I just don't see that any longer...just one example.

Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
RNdynamic said:
The topic post of this thread contains anecdotes, whose salience is implicitly in question. As many stories you can come up with of lazy young nurses who have thrown you under the bus or snuck out of the building to make out with each other, I can come up with just as many stories of gossiping, lazy, and overweight 40 and 50 something year olds who are "assignment dumping" on younger nurses and "type A" personalities talking about their "vast experience" ad nauseam. They would just as meaningless as the examples in the OP.

It's not so much about the generational issues of thinking, although I have done my fair of haranguing on the subject...it more about the changing priority of values in society as whole...

Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
JimmyDurham9 said:
See, now, you ticked me off with your use of the word "whining." No one is whining at you, and you are not expected to control the behavior of your coworkers. You are just expected to exhibit basic common respectful manners we all were taught at home. That includes not tolerating rude and bullying behavior designed to break down co workers rather than coach them and be a team player. The tides are turning. Individuals not in the habit of behaving civilly in the workplace are no longer being tolerated. There are no places for ugly, rude, and difficult coworkers.

Agree, but...they are tolerated, hence their existence.

Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
hillbillienurse said:
Any job, where illogical and often dangerous pressure/and work is placed on a crew by everyone else up the chain of command will do one thing for sure: It will cause the crew to lash out the only way they feel safe to release pressure, and that is at each other. Folks have job fear, so won't lash UP (the ladder where the problems are coming from) so the pressure valve blasts sideways.

in other words, 95% of nursing stress begins at the very top and is pressured thru your bosses in whatever form works: bonuses...threats...both...etc.

i have mostly worked in rehabs and long-term care. i was fortunate enough to have also served many years in the US military. I bring 2 things to my nursing: strong camaraderie and a strong worth ethic. For instance, the last day I worked last week, i brought in fancy iced coffee and treats. one for the nurse i was taking shift from as well as her coworker. "I know your day was stressful, here is a little decompression treat!"

IF we don't take care of one-another, we can be sure that no one else will.

NO other profession can literally get away with slave labor, like nursing. it wasn't as bad as its getting and i fear will get worse.

I am not sure how hospitals are but, where I work, we do NOT stop for the entire 12 hr shift. No hyperbole there. Dont take lunch because we cant spare those precious minutes. We have way to many acute care, pysch, ALL admissions while we attend a no less than 4-6 hr medpass (depends on emergency(ies). We do MDS' work as well as clean up after pts whose physical habits are horrendous, if you are reading twixt the lines here... work a full shift, collapse into bed with another shift coming up..only to get a call @ 2 hrs into sleep because you missed sonething as you were doing your job plus MDS plus Admissions and told to get your tail into work to fix it. And yes, you still cone in for your night shift. Tired? That, like your license -- is your problem. Even the secretaries get to play "kick the nurse." With all the foreign nurses being shipped in at cheaper pay, attitude has changed too. The prevailing attitude is "If you don't like it - quit"

Suffice it to say if males were nurses, there is NO WAY they would be expected to be subjected to this. Jobs which are traditionally female treat us like errant children...there are good places to be sure but the pile on effect has really been changing these past few years. Not 10 years ago, i worked along 2 more awesome nurses and CNAs (they are still awesome!) and we ran the building at night. we were expected to be the professionals and we WERE what was expected.

Now? We cant send anyone else until the Admin (not a nurse) approves. Millionaire owners want more and more $$$ and we have all watched someone pay for that greed.

Used to be , by word of mouth, you found out where the more nurse-friendly places were.

I should hush...lol. anyhooo, I love my residents! i love my co-workers. i love nursing. but, at 56, i can still easily handle the pressure of 10 years ago...but i am looking to do something else. i have already seen 2 good nurses be destroyed. It nearly tore my heart from my chest. didnt used to believe in unions but i do now. just wish we could get more in the South. God Bless you, my sisters. Lets get our Nightingale on!!! ?

Someone who understands me....Hugs and more hugs to you.

Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
Eastern RN said:
I also have worked with such wonderful groups of people since I graduated in 1982. And - the climbers can go right ahead - I also will gladly step aside - because I like bedside care. BUT - I did get thrown under the bus last August and they backed up and went over me again to make sure I was unable to work. And the driver of the bus was a climber.

I am still working with Union and HR to get back to work. In an occupation that is supposed to be caring and supportive - it might have been at one time - but it sure saddens me to see what it has become. At least in my little part of the world. I can't speak for everyone.

Same here. I'd love to find other nurses who have been thrown under the bus like myself. Seems like we must be out there, but no one will talk about it, and Im about to just spill my beans and tell the story. I am one dof those all but destroyed nurses. Meaning, I haven't given up yet, but after 34 years I'm getting close...so damned tired.

Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
SpookyCat said:
I'm sorry but I cannot read a discussion like this and keep silent.

It's okay nrsgofold. There are a lot of snarky people out there. In my darkest moment while in nursing school, I made the mistake of asking for advice on allnurses. I was poked at, chewed up, spit out, and charged with THE HIGHEST TREASON to the profession. I had made a mistake in clinicals. I already felt horrible. The comments on here had me bawling like a baby for 3 days. HEAVEN FORBID WE BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN PERFECT.... Sorry. I'll save that rant for another thread.

One would think that nurses would show a little more comraderie toward one another. When I was a newbie floor nurse I would have been foaming at the mouth for a more seasoned RN to take me under her wing. Then once I made my own way I would have gone out of my way to help her if she ever needed it.

Why are nurses so judgemental and critical of one another? I don't care how stressed I was. I NEVER belittled anyone. I was always the one taking that co-worker, who is having a bad day, aside to make sure he/she's ok.

Why can't nurses accept that fact that we are all human beings and all inherently flawed? No one is perfect. You try your absolute "Type-A Personality" best but you can't be perfect in everything.

Perfect examples of of how wonderful nurses have treated me over time starting with nursing school:

1). They stole our charts/MAR's and hid them so that we couldn't properly take care of our patients, while in nursing school. They just didn't want to deal with us.

2). They watched in silence as my nursing instructor ripped me up one side and down the other for not "paying attention" during report. In reality, I felt rude sitting in a room full of women while they bashed a coworker behind her back. They hadn't even started report yet. They were gossiping (as usual).

3). They say to your face, "how could you be so stupid?" Oh I can never ever forget the wonderful time when someone said, "You are such a disappointment." --- where is the constructiveness in that criticism?

4). I once had a patient fall because he vasovagaled in the bathroom. I was standing beside him, grabbed him under the axilla, (I'm 5'6" and he's 6'2"). Needless to say, his butt hit ground (very gently but because it did I had to write an incident report. No one spoke to me or even looked at me for 2 hours and I was made to feel like the incident was entirely my fault. Turns out, they were Withholding assistance on purpose.

5). I once went to someone I thought was a mentor to ask advice. I got a little watery eyed because it was very serious in nature. She told me that I was being unprofessional and so on and so on.

6). I learned to 'shut up and color' real quick. I was forced to turn very introverted and I used to be quite the opposite. There a lot of strong personalities in nursing. So after being criticized and ridiculed or just plain ignored when trying to make small talk at the nurses station/break room, I just withered away in the background.

7.) I made the mistake of going into the OR. I did love surgeries.... I didn't love the drama. I was constantly ridiculed and compared to another nurse who started a month just before me. I wasn't catching on nearly as quickly as she did. I couldn't understand it either. I was usually pretty good at learning things that I had a drive for... And I wanted to be an OR Nurse BAD.

Long story short I was diagnosed with MS (hence, the difficulty learning with memory loss). There was a staff meeting and my name came up because the housekeepers were asking how my orientation was going. The housekeepers shouldn't know anything unless people are openly gossiping about me!! That other new OR nurse didn't help and would often throw me under the bus as well because it made her look so much more golden!

I loved helping people but Nursing broke my spirit. I see my diagnosis as an open window to a brighter world than I've known in nursing. I'm applying for Grad School to start a Master in Social Work program in the fall. No job is perfect but Maybe there I'll be allowed to be a little bit more myself.

My heart breaks for you. THIS is what I have talked about. THIS and more...

Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
ErraticThinkerRN said:
Nurses eat their own because it's how they're acculturated in too many settings. There's tons of sociology literature on behaviors of oppressed groups and how it relates to nursing, so I won't bore you all with that. Except that I will say that the younger nurses everyone loves to complain about are molded by the exact culture nurses also love to complain about that they seem to foster and carry forward. There is this insecurity that exists within nursing that is so sad in that any accomplishment or perception of someone "moving up" is seen in a negative light, like a relatively new nurse being picked for a management role, or a nurse that has graduated with a bachelors degree in an area that is composed of mostly diploma or associates degree nurses.

I've experienced this time and again as a 32 year old nurse that's been a bedside nurse for ten years. When I finished my masters degree, there were snarky comments that I was trying to "move on up" and "leave the rest behind." The comments have grown more fervent since I'm now a PhD candidate in Nursing.

Let's be honest with ourselves for a minute and admit that there's a reason younger nurses want to move into management so soon, or want to become advanced practitioners. It's generally not out of laziness, or thinking they are better than anyone, but really it's just that the culture sucks. Being a bedside nurse isn't the draining part half the time. Dealing with bedside nurses is draining. And, again, I say this as an experienced ICU nurse that's still at the bedside. My main point here is that this discussion continues and seems to go nowhere because of a fundamental reality that nothing will change until the culture changes. If you want to be treated like a professional, then act like one, and support your nursing colleagues in whatever goals they have. Want to know the main difference between Nursing and Medicine as professions? When there's a problem for physicians, they circle the wagons and back each other up. Nurses throw each other out and fend for themselves. That's why Nursing doesn't get ahead, and we continue to have the same discussion about nurses eating their own.

And THIS is also whatbI have been saying for years. My current issue is how things have changed...it didn't used to be this way. We used to support one another....not always perfectly, but a heck of a lot more than today. I have also commented on how doctors take care of each other. You NEVER hear them talk about one another the way nurse do....even the really poor physicians...they just don't.

Specializes in PICU, Pediatrics, Trauma.
April1abbott said:
Yes! Point and validity of topic by these snotty caddy comments. Author has proved a point. Nice work!

Are you being sarcastic or do you really mean she did a good job?