When a patient dies

[Michelle123]

I am a new grad who has just spent the last 20 weeks rotating in a medical ward where we have a portion of palliative care patients.

We have had patients die before. But there was this one patient who I had been nursing for a while, she was in hospital for a long time and we had all grown fond of her. She had ca of the pancreas. She had a surgical consult and was told there was nothing that could be done, after that she just sort of gave up and wouldn't take calls or anything.

Anyway she died the other day, I was working the evening that she began to deteriorate, and then then morning that she died. we knew it was coming.

I had been sad before when patients died, but not like this.

I know that this is something that is going to happen throughout my career, how do you more experienced nurses cope with it?

[Hospice Nurse LPN, BSN, RN]

IMHO, I think being sad when a pt dies is part of being a human being. I've been a hospice nurse for over 10 years and sometimes a pt really touches me. They may have been on service for a while or a very short time. I always meet with the MSW after one of my pts die and sort out my feelings. Was it a "good" death? Did I do everything I could to make them comfortable? A doctor told me a long time ago that if I ever got hardened to death it would be time for me to hang up my stetoscope. I still believe that. That's about my .

[leslie :-D]

michelle, i'm not aware of any 'coping' mechanism.

i allow myself the sadness that typically accompanies loss.

depending on one's personality, some just plow forward, others become contemplative, philosophical, and spiritual.

some will beat a pillow, pick a fight, or even pretend they're ok.

i would advise you to recognize and allow what you're feeling.

often, these feelings have no words, and so, talking about it can be an exercise in futility.

but i have found that treating every pt as if it were their last day on earth, has helped me tremendously in being able to sleep at noc.

your pt died and i'm sorry.

but you'll be ok.

i promise.

leslie

[annacnatorn]

Michelle123,

leslie said it all in a nut shell.

I try to learn something from each one of my patients. Something about them specifically, to remember them fondly. Each person will touch your life, you will mourn, but you will be ok.

I also try to get away bymyself when someone dies, that helps me get it together. I go to the beach (My Fav Place!) with my Bible in tow!

[ErinS, BSN, RN]

I allow myself to cry if I am touched to that extent. I also say lots of prayers. Talking about the death with someone else who was involved can help also.

[1sodagirl2]

I cope by remembering this "The fingerprints dont fade from the lives we touch" Believe that, as it is SO true. And if death didn't bother you, its time you found a different profession. I feel better knowing I gave my patient someone they could open up to, I provided them with dignity and comfort and they knew I was only a pager away if something really wasn't right. Thats more than most family members offer. Be true to yourself and remember "our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch."

[akRN68]

wow!! I am faced with this right now so I"m so glad I found this post. I have a pt who is declining rapidly. My heart breaks for him but i"m happy for him at the same time. We have had so many talks about death. My pt is precious. Most amazing, loving, compassionate and passionate. My pt has verbalized a desire to die. "I'm ready. I'm so tired. How long will this take?" These questions have haunted me for sometime. Friday evening I was at the bedside and it is close. I can smell "that" smell and I know that the chances of him seeing another two days even will be a sort of miracle.

I left on Friday and pulled into a parking lot and allowed myself to cry. I know that this is what my pt wants. No regrets and he has done so much work internally to prepare. I think knowing his wishes brings me some peace. I will be there when the time comes no matter if I'm on call or not. My wonderful nurses that I work with know to call me. There seems to always be one that gets to you someway.

Cope? Well, I just feel what I feel. Find someone involved to vent to and smile knowing we did exactly what that pt needed. Comfort, support, love and dignity. To our patients and their families.

Hang in there!

AK

[nrcnurse]

I cope by knowing that birth and death are natural parts of life. Life is energy. Energy cannot be destroyed; it just changes form.

[PoetOfMyHeart]

What a beautiful statement nrcnurse! Knowing that fact will definitely help me in the future...thank u!

[catlvr]

Hi Michelle, I work in LTC/subacute 3-11, and am probably pretty inappropriate with my last rounds - I tell all of my residents that I love them, and if they are open to it, I give them a kiss on the forehead. If you think about it, that's probably something that they did with their kids. Like Leslie, I treat each day as if it may be their last, or my last for that matter. One of our long term ladies passed away at night last week, and I was comforted by knowing that SHE knew that she was loved, even though nobody ever came to visit her.

I try to go to everyone's funeral, because I've seen family member's faces light up when I walk in - they know that their family member was loved by staff, and that means so much to them. And, of course, it helps me with closure.

I've had people who were "supposed" to die, and those who were not "supposed" to die. I've gotta say that those subacute folks who had plans to go back home, when they pass in our facility, it is a real heartbreaker. I feel guilty that I didn't see it coming and intervene, but that kind of thinking will make you nuts quickly. Allow yourself some time in the linen closet to get your composure. If you didn't care, you wouldn't be the nurse that you are.

e