When nursing students are mean to each other...

[lovethepeople]

Hi folks,

I have a situation that has been super hard for me and wanted to know what other people think or have experienced. FIRST, know it's gonna be a long post!

I am just finishing up my first year of a BSN program in one week. This year, as you all know, as been a lot about adjusting, etc. I made friends with two people whom I also carpooled with to classes and clinicals. In the course of getting to know each other, I mentioned my girlfriend of 5 and a half years casually, just like anybody says their husband or boyfriend. One of them acted strangely at first (I guess he didn't expect a gay girl to be so feminine?) but in the end it was okay.

Me and the other girl had a slight falling out with him so things have been weird since last quarter.

So, this quarter he became friends with one of the many cliques in our program. I was happy that he found folks to connect with. It has never been the same with us though and that's sad. I tried to talk to him about it but it doesn't seem to work.

Anyhow, the people he hangs out with and me are cool. I have always had a good rapport with everybody actually. I am really dedicated to working together and looking out for each other so I think I put out positive vibes.

Suddenly, 2 or 3 weeks ago, people started acting strangely toward me. Like one girl who used to joke around with me a lot just ignores me and says hi to who i am standing with but not me. Other incidents too, like inviting everybody in clinical out but me and then slipping about it in front of me and saying things like, "Oh, I wasn't supposed to say anything". I thought I was being paranoid but my friend said she's noticed it too.

So now I feel awful. Did he tell them I am gay and they judge me? Did he tell them about our falling out and they judge me? I can't know really, it's true. But it's just a terrible feeling that people may be judging me because of who i love. And even worse since we are nursing students and should be working on our prejudices!

My question: Do I just let it bounce off me and keep being nice like I always am? Do I ask him or anyone else anything? Or do I just work it out in therapy? I try to be strong about it but it really sucks. I act like everyone else, sharing my life as it comes up in conversation and I don't want to stop because people might be mean to me. Anybody have stories to share? You can send me a message too, if you want.

Thanks for reading all this.

[icuwant2rn]

"Suddenly, 2 or 3 weeks ago, people started acting strangely toward me. Like one girl who used to joke around with me a lot just ignores me and says hi to who i am standing with but not me. Other incidents too, like inviting everybody in clinical out but me and then slipping about it in front of me and saying things like, "Oh, I wasn't supposed to say anything". I thought I was being paranoid but my friend said she's noticed it too. "

I agree that something has apparently been said about you. However, I doubt that it has anything to do with your sexual orientation. I say this b/c I find it unlikely that your entire class is prejudice. The only way to clear this up is... ASK! Pull aside someone that is still friendlier than most and say something like "Can you help me with something? I've noticed over the last few weeks that people are treating me differently/ acting strange towards me. Have I done or said something that has offended everyone?"

It might surprise you to find out what it is! However, if it is merely a case of soandso said you said, stay out of the fray and be the bigger person. They will eventually figure out it is a lie and you can feel good knowing you didn't participate in the high schoolish drama.

[WDWpixieRN, RN]

I also wondered if he had spread some other kind of rumor like you talking about other classmates....it would be amazing to me that a classful of people are homophobic and would treat another person this way. I'm assuming you are much younger than I (51)....my kids' generation seems much more open to gay people than even mine was (I'm originally a So. CA girl) with both of my daughters having openly gay male friends, so I guess I just don't get that this would be ALL of these peoples' problem with you...

I think the poster who mentions pulling someone aside has a great idea....beyond that, I think you'll just have to wait it out and be glad it'll be over before you know it....

It'll be interesting if the fact that you're gay is the problem they're all having....in my short time in clincals, I've already had one gal who was openly gay as a patient and another patient whose daughter and partner came to visit. I also recently was working for a Forbes 500 company in IT where I personally knew 3 gay males in very committed relationships.

I say, what goes around, comes around....hang in there and ignore it as much as possible as Daytonite mentions -- do not reward their stupid, childish, ignorant behavior -- whatever their supposed reason might be.

[lovethepeople]

thanks all for your responses (and for reminding folks that i wasn't wearing a bright rainbow and yelling slogans about my sexuality but simply mentioning my life as others do)!

i really appreciate everyone's words. i know deep inside that i need to let it roll off my back and get myself through nursing school. i think i needed to hear it from other nursing folks.

as far as other reasons folks might be treating me strangely...i can't think of why else. i know we need to be self-reflective and i do my part but it was just all so strange. and it isn't my whole class, just a handful of people in my clinical rotation this quarter (sorry if i made it sound like a ton of folks).

and thanks for all the bits of wisdom and reminders. they aren't my friends, and as fierce as i can be, i can get too trusting. or idealistic really. oops-- won't work for nursing school i see!

hope you are all taking care of yourselves!

[tutored]

I mean to begin my post with "I disagree with Daytonite....", not, "I agree". Sorry:smackingf

[Eirene, ASN, RN]

argh! i hate cattiness. for some reason, i seems to be rampant among nursing students. i'm so glad i'm older and bigger than most of the hoochie-mommas, so i don't get messed with too much. :)

anyway. you did nothing wrong. i speak of my husband (and it's not all good!) to my friends in the program. it's just a shame that this kind of prejudice is still going on. hold your head high and be proud of the good student and person you are. it terrifies me that this kind of behavior goes on between nursing students, future nurses who are going to be healing the hurting.

being the person who i am, i'd be more blunt and get them all together and ask what in the heck their problem is. put it out on the table. then you can correct all of the nasty hear-say. but, i'm more aggressive than passive, so this may not be the best thing for your situation. spending another 3 years with these people sounds horrifying if you don't nip it in the bud now.

sending hugs your way, sweetie.

[pongtipRN]

it's so sad that these people are judging you and they are going into a profession where each patient should be treated EQUALLY and should be given quality care, no matter what race, gender or sexual orientation. i suggest you just leave them alone and ignore it. it will be hard, but u cannot make that the center of your attention. remember what you are there for---your success and your education, not for them.

[RosesrReder, BSN, MSN, RN]

I am so sorry as well. Sounds like High School. People sure can be mean that is why I am a loner per say and do my own thing in nrsg school.

[firstyearstudent]

Ignore all of it and smile. Just keep being your own sweet self and the good ones will come around. And the bad ones, well, who cares...

[luvmy3kids]

lovethepeople:

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. I say the heck with em. If you decide to ask what is going on... let us know what they say. I'd be interested to hear their response...

Take care! Keep your chin up and concentrate on that nursing degree!!!

Good luck!

Jennifer

[SoulShine75]

This sounds like high school games. He said, she said, blah blah. You can't help who you are or who you love and shouldn't for one minute feel guilty or ashamed (not that you do, but DON'T!) Unfortunately, people can be closed minded. That is the world we live in. They also love gossip, it makes them feel important somehow.

We had a similar incident in our class. A male is/was suspected for being gay and a few ppl in class thought it a good idea to test the theory by getting other girls to ask him out and gauge his reactions. Not cool...an instructor was told about this by someone who overheard and she had a big speech for the whole class the next day. According to our student handbook, discrimination is against school code and one can be expelled because of it...and for good reason IMO.

Be yourself and don't let others get you down. Soon they will move onto more vulnerable prey. Don't get caught in their web. GL!

[lovethepeople]

thanks again to everyone for their encouragement and support! there certainly are better things to focus on, like brushing up on pharm this summer and sitting in the sun as much as possible (spf will be involved of course)!

by the way, i received an email from one of the students who was acting funny to me today. she thanked me for helping her with some lecture notes. so, i think ya'll are right. keep at my way of being kind and the good ones will learn, the bad ones will fall away...

much respect for all your wisdom folks! i truly love nursing. i will remember all the support when the catiness gets going- and it goes!

have a great summer and good luck with all you are doing.

g