A few years after I graduated from college, a friend of mine invited me to be one of her supporters at her first birth. Her husband and a few other family members were there, of course. I was flattered. Neither one of us are nurses, but my mother is a pediatric nurse, so I did a little bit of reading about labor and delivery. I viewed my role as a friend and supporter, nothing more.
Although the birth was considered normal and non-eventful by the professionals who competently attended her, both the mother and I later agreed it was one of the worst experiences of our lives. (She never had another child.) Not only have I never forgotten it, I had nightmares about it for months. The process alone was horrible, and just watching the pain she experienced literally made me vomit when I finally was able to leave and get in my car. (I threw up in a McDonald's bag I neglected to toss out. So glad I was a garbage bum that night!)
Fast forward to today. I am nearly 40 and finally engaged. I've been meticulous about birth control and avoided pregnancy all these years. My boyfriend and I are planning to get married in about a year, maybe less--not a big, expensive shindig.
My problem is my mother. I never told her that I decided right then and there, that night, that I would never have a baby. Truly, it was a significantly traumatizing experience, and there is not a chance I am putting myself through that kind of pain. It makes no sense to me--I don't understand the mentality of someone who would voluntarily do it. My boyfriend is resigned to not having any children--I even offered to end the relationship if he wanted children with someone else, but he said no, Mr. Wonderful--but my mother has become the Nightmare on Elm Street since she (finally) figured out why I won't have any children. Her anger is really amazing. She is truly irate, and the name calling, fighting, etc., is a shock. She's controlling, yes, but this is even a little bit much for her. She is mighty peeved that I won't have a baby, no grandchildren, I am being selfish, etc. On and on, one complaint after another about the decision, I had better change my mind, etc.
I think the best way to handle this is to (quietly) have my tubes tied and just announce it after the fact. I need to get her to understand that birth is way too much and way too painful for me to handle.
I mean, it's all about personal choice, right? No nurse wants a me for a patient! You'd think she would get that.
