Nice2MeetU

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=489776&in_page_id=1879 I'm not sure so I thought I would at least post it here.

My Mom is a 78 year old RN who has been licensed since she was 21 years old...licensed on her 21st birthday, to be exact. Yep, do the math. She works part-time in pediatrics now. And NEVER, EVER, in my life--I'm 45--have I ever seen, heard, or know of anything in nursing that is easy. Some services might be less physically intense, but never easy. My Mom loves it, and will go out white shoes first rather than retire, but I have never heard anything she has described that would make me think nursing is easy. That's why there are not enough nurses anywhere!

I'm not a nurse, but I have some insight regarding this situation. One of my best friends worked for the Attorney General's office in our state capital. She dealt with domestic violence cases from time to time. Of course, be sure you document everything. Don't let your emotions make you overlook anything. Calmly and carefully review what you wrote or need to write. It's hard, but essential. In addition to that, voice your concerns to your resources for these sort of cases. Make sure your voice is heard with the appropriate authorities and your chain of command--whatever is protocol for your profession. Finally, protect yourself. Pay attention to your surroundings, especially when alone. In one case, the assistant D.A. failed to protect the domestic violence victim by securing a place in a shelter house. The perp found the victim and killed her the day before the trial. He's still on the lam. Other perps have been known to attack and/or kill assistant D.A.'s, witnesses, medical folks, etc. It's amazing what my friend has seen in the justice department in my home state. These can be very, very dangerous people. My friend always cautions folks to document, utilize resources, and pay attention to your own personal safety. Some of these perps wait until they are out of jail to come back after people--so stay aware of your surroundings and follow your gut instinct.

Thanks to all of you. I have taken steps to get the air cleared with all parties involved, and I think we might be able to at least have a peaceful discussion without too much fighting. I can't ask for more than that. Your insights were helpful. In the end, I am the one who has to make a decision, and soon. It is very difficult to do. I appreciate your help, I really do.

Thank you for your time, consideration, and input. It's a challenging decision in more ways than one, and there are many perspectives I don't know anything about due to my limited life experience in this area. I have a decision to make that will direct the course of the rest of my life, and I appreciate all of you who chose to help rather than be offended. I will continue to read all comments.

Ok, so I am not totally alone, which is how I have been feeling. ITA because I just get this feeling that I *couldn't* get through it. I mean, I have great respect for those mothers who can make it. But dang, I don't see myself getting through the process of pregnancy and certainly labor, which looks sooo much torture for sooo long. I am always amazed that women get through it so well, some of them, anyway, and I admire them when they have more than one child. It takes a certain *umph* I don't seem to have. I wonder why I don't have it, though. I guess it is just me. And you were smart to keep it to yourself and your husband. It makes me sad to think that I can't do it, though. I really feel like there is something wrong with me, not able to deal with the pain. I know some medical folks really don't like the epidurals, and to go in asking for one early on doesn't seem to be the best or most acceptable idea. It's comforting to know that I am not alone, though.

Pain control is an issue for me. I've been reading the thread about epidurals, and there seems to be some very mixed opinion about the use of it in birth. Some posters seem to like it; others feel it is overused; others seem to feel it is a bit dangerous; and some think using it is a sign of weakness. I'm not sure what was used for pain relief during the birth I witnessed. I looked at the thread for an elective c-section, but that seems to be horribly painful afterwards, and there is a strong opinion against it by some of the medical professionals. I would want a general rather than a regional, so that might be out, too. I could always discuss adoption with my SO. I think he might go for it. Clearly, the best thing to do is make the topic off-limits to the source of the problem. Good idea, too. Thank you!

I guess I'm trying not to be offended by your description of birth as bad and horrible and your wondering why women would want to go through it. Clearly you *don't* understand the mentality of women who do it. My four natural births were the most wonderful, empowering things I've ever done. They are sacred events in my memory. I don't think you owe anyone an explanation for what you do and don't want to do, but you may not get a lot of sympathy for your stance which seems just a bit insensitive. Altalorraine P.S. I do wonder why you are posting on a board for OB nurses who tend to be pretty pro-birth when you are not even a nurse and don't plan to have a baby. Altorraine, it's unfortunate that you are offended by the description of the birth that I witnessed. The description is accurate and truthful based on my experience. I don't apologize for it. What I saw, as I interpreted it, was brutal and horrible. As a consequence, no, I don't understand the mentality of women who would want to do it. I am glad for you that your birth experiences were positive. It's unfortunate, too, that you find my stance insensitive; you, clearly, are choosing to interpret my description of what I witnessed in that fashion, which is both your right and responsiblility. I lay no blame on anyone else for anything; I am simply reaching out to rational people with a different personal and professional experience for input. And yes, I selected an OB nurse website because nurses are medical and science professionals with a professional perspective on the situation. They have seen it all. My own mother is a working nurse with more than 50 years of experience. Her perspective is colored by her desire for me to have a child, but that doesn't mean that other OB nurses won't have a rational and clear perspective that I can and do appreciate. It's unfortunate that you chose to interpret my comments as you did. As far as the big brother/big sister perspective is concerned, that is brilliant! Thank you for that thought--I completely overlooked it. I appreciate your input, and I thank the rest of you for your time and consideration.

It's a definite problem. I couldn't believe how bad the process of childbirth was. It was stunning. And hers was a normal birth. After that night, I have never been able to fathom why anyone would want to go through that process, even once, unless totally unaware of the ramifications of it. I was grateful to see the birth process without having to go through it. Women should attend someone else's birth so they don't get a big shock, like my friend got. I felt so bad for her. If more women knew what to expect upfront, I think fewer women would have children, and the poor nurses would have fewer problem patients. It would make your lives so much easier!:wink2: I knew birth would be bad, but I never expected that bad. (Unless you are a nurse, it's a bit gross, too, but that's what makes you all so great--you have superstomachs!) I think my mother thinks that she had to go through birth, so do I. That may seem illogical, but I genuinely think it is part of that. I have been thinking more about it, and I agree that my mother might explode if I say anything to her about it. Makes sense. Thanks for your input!

A few years after I graduated from college, a friend of mine invited me to be one of her supporters at her first birth. Her husband and a few other family members were there, of course. I was flattered. Neither one of us are nurses, but my mother is a pediatric nurse, so I did a little bit of reading about labor and delivery. I viewed my role as a friend and supporter, nothing more. Although the birth was considered normal and non-eventful by the professionals who competently attended her, both the mother and I later agreed it was one of the worst experiences of our lives. (She never had another child.) Not only have I never forgotten it, I had nightmares about it for months. The process alone was horrible, and just watching the pain she experienced literally made me vomit when I finally was able to leave and get in my car. (I threw up in a McDonald's bag I neglected to toss out. So glad I was a garbage bum that night!) Fast forward to today. I am nearly 40 and finally engaged. I've been meticulous about birth control and avoided pregnancy all these years. My boyfriend and I are planning to get married in about a year, maybe less--not a big, expensive shindig. My problem is my mother. I never told her that I decided right then and there, that night, that I would never have a baby. Truly, it was a significantly traumatizing experience, and there is not a chance I am putting myself through that kind of pain. It makes no sense to me--I don't understand the mentality of someone who would voluntarily do it. My boyfriend is resigned to not having any children--I even offered to end the relationship if he wanted children with someone else, but he said no, Mr. Wonderful--but my mother has become the Nightmare on Elm Street since she (finally) figured out why I won't have any children. Her anger is really amazing. She is truly irate, and the name calling, fighting, etc., is a shock. She's controlling, yes, but this is even a little bit much for her. She is mighty peeved that I won't have a baby, no grandchildren, I am being selfish, etc. On and on, one complaint after another about the decision, I had better change my mind, etc. I think the best way to handle this is to (quietly) have my tubes tied and just announce it after the fact. I need to get her to understand that birth is way too much and way too painful for me to handle. I mean, it's all about personal choice, right? No nurse wants a me for a patient! You'd think she would get that.