What not to say / do while you are in the ER...

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If you come in to be treated for a STD, don't hit on the nurse

Specializes in OR, OB, EM, Flight, ICU, PACU.......
I can just see it. He puts his pants back on after getting cultured and he looks over at you all suave and debonair and says, "so hey baby, did you like what you saw?" YUCK!!!

:lol2: Had this one happen to one of my female medics working my STD Clinic on the military base I was on , many moons ago. He thought he was being cute with a similar line, until my medic showed him the bayonet-sized needle on the end of the 2.8 mil. units of PCN, x2! Fortunately, she had the foresight to have him sitting down at the time, as the drop to the floor wasn't nearly as painful!:yeah:

Classic!

And now, for something completely different!

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Specializes in OR, OB, EM, Flight, ICU, PACU.......
Ahaaaaaaahh .............heard this one many many moons ago when I was working in the ER back home.

DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!!!!. This was a finance minister of the country.

I said........... yes , so?!!!!!!!!

I AM THE FINANCE MINSTRY OF THE CROWN??!!!!(yelling)

That got me clouded, ...........So whats the difference does that make you from these very very sick people we have, I will be seeing them first and you LAST!!!!!

I WILL REPORT YOU TO THE MEDICAL SUPRITENDENT!!!!!!!!! and he stapped his feet and left steaming.

Waited for the complains nothing came over.

:lol2:Had one similar in one of the military EDs I was in years ago: Same scenario, only it was the wife of one of the many Colonels on the base. It doesn't take these spouses and children to learn the military rank system.

Anyway, this woman was shouting at the top of her lungs at the newly assigned and inexperienced Private at the triage desk. So, I, being a very senior NCO, calmly asked her if I could help her, to which she begins again to shout, "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?............." Being the consumate smart-ass that I am (and seeing the disruption she was causing this very busy ED) , I turned to the assembled multitudes quietly waiting their turn, and said, " THIS WOMAN CAN'T REMEMBER WHO SHE IS; DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO THIS WOMAN IS?" After the shocked silence , the laughter began, quietly at first, then louder. She left without saying another word. Never heard anything about it later, either. Think she had a hangnail or something just as ridiculous.:chuckle

And now, for something completely different!:coollook:

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Specializes in ER, PACU.
:lol2:Had one similar in one of the military EDs I was in years ago: Same scenario, only it was the wife of one of the many Colonels on the base. It doesn't take these spouses and children to learn the military rank system.

Anyway, this woman was shouting at the top of her lungs at the newly assigned and inexperienced Private at the triage desk. So, I, being a very senior NCO, calmly asked her if I could help her, to which she begins again to shout, "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?............." Being the consumate smart-ass that I am (and seeing the disruption she was causing this very busy ED) , I turned to the assembled multitudes quietly waiting their turn, and said, " THIS WOMAN CAN'T REMEMBER WHO SHE IS; DOES ANYONE KNOW WHO THIS WOMAN IS?" After the shocked silence , the laughter began, quietly at first, then louder. She left without saying another word. Never heard anything about it later, either. Think she had a hangnail or something just as ridiculous.:chuckle

And now, for something completely different!:coollook:

:yeah::yeah::yeah::yeah::yeah::yeah::chuckle:chuckle:chuckle:chuckle

That's a good one!!! I will have to use that one sometime!!!

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Specializes in ER.
"No MF white bi$%h is gonna stick me!" Wanna bet???

ha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, I love those patients who "threaten" the nurse they only get one try for the IV..... not the best stance to take with your nurse.

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Specializes in ER.
Okay, my hubby said this to a nurse when he was in college "you miss on the first try-I'll stick you with that thing"...in the ER for dehydration from DRINKING...Okay, I am a first semester LPN student, so I don't know what rights a nurse has. I think I would just give the look of death "fine have it your way-you'll have to wait until one of the IV team/expert IV starter has time to start yours" and walk away...maybe after PT has to sit for awhile-providing they are not in a life threatening situation-they'll be more inclined to let me try. And of course, document, document, document. Hey, I'd consider it a threat. I can't imagine it would be easy to get a line on some one that is dehydrated.

um, yeah, that would be a threat on a nurse - and his *SS would be restrained in my ER. And the ER nurses are the expert "IV starters" FYI.... :specs:

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Specializes in ER.
I LOVE ER I SWEAR. LIKE I SAY TRIAGE IS ALWAYS THE BEST I HATE IT SO MUCH SOMETIMES CAUSE I JUST CANNOT FATHOM PEOPLES THINKING PROCESSES. WE HAD A PSYCH EVAL CAME IN VIA AMBULANCE SHE WAS TRYING TO KILL HERSELF AND HER FAMILY MEMBERS CALLED 911. SHE GOES TO THE BATHROOM ACROSS THE HALL FROM THE TRIAGE ROOM. OKAY ABOUT 5 MINUTES PASSED, I KNOCK ON THE DOOR MAAM ARE YOU ALRIGHT? NO ANSWER. MAAM YOU NEED TO COME OUT OF THERE. ALL OF A SUDDEN THERE IS A FREAKING PUDDLE OF WATER COMING FROM UNDERNEATH THE DOOR. MAAM PLEASE COME OUT OF THE BATHROOM. SHE FINALLY COMES OUT AND THERE IS FREAKING WATER ALL OVER THE BATHROOM, AND SHE IS SOAKING WET. WE HAVE HER SIT DOWN I PUT THE BP CUFF ON HER AND HELL NO THIS CRAZY BI*@# KICKS ME IN THE STOMACH AND SHE A BIG OL BLACK GIRL. SHE GRABS THE OTHER TRIAGE NURSE AND TRIES TO BITE HER WEDDING RING OFF. HAHAHAHAHAHA I AM LAUGHING BECAUSE I HATED THIS NURSE SO MUCH, SHE WAS JUST ONE OF THOSE I KNOW EVERYTHING AND I KISS THE DIRECTORS ASS ALL THE TIME KINDA NURSE. JUST TO SEE HOW SHE WAS ABOUT TO S@#* HER PANTS MADE ME LAUGH. THOSE EVAL PTS DRIVE ME NUTS BUT SOMETIMES WHEN YOU IN THE RIGHT PLACE AT THE RIGHT TIME THINGS JUST SEEM TO HAPPEN FOR A REASON.:rotfl:

You laughed when this girl was trying to bite the other nurse's wedding ring off, after you were kicked? It's a funny image, to be sure.... were you in a heap of poo after that with that nurse and management? That's funny as hell, tho - are you a guy or gal? What was she doing in the bathroom with the water? I was waiting for you to write about attempting suicide in some unheard of way.... :no:

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Specializes in ER.
What??! However, I can just imagine someone saying that.

Ooohhh you can't? I was in triage one night and it was standing room only in the ER. This female came in with her baby (maybe 5 months old) and holding him like a football, tucked under her arm. She had another toddler with her. It was about 10pm.

She said she was here for lady partsl bleeding (no eye contact, frowning, hostile stance)

I said, "just so ya know, you'll need a workup which requires a pelvic exam, usually an ultrasound, IV, labs... my point is that it will be a while and you have two kids. Can someone come pick them up?"

Little miss thang makes eye contact (with dragon-fire, eat my heart out glare) and says "NO, I don't have anyone here, do you SEE ANYONE HERE?"

So I triage her, suggest she find someone to come get the kids as it will be a while (long wait out in the waiting room.) She proceeds to GO OFF. :argue: I call security who can't get her to back off (while holding her infant in a football hold). I had to look away because she was in the lobby, I was on the other side of the glass and watching that baby bobbing it's little head all over the place was making me ill.

She said "you better call the cops, cause I'm going to kick your ass." When I went to pick up the phone, she was still making threats to me, the ENTIRE waiting room was quiet.... the cops came ....

MINUS ONE PATIENT TO BE SEEN - :yeah: Woo woo!!!

ahhhhh, I miss those days in a drugged out poverty stricken place - life at work was never boring!

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Specializes in ER.
How about the agressive, intoxicated, early 20 something male brought in by PD. Placed in four points. When asked to give urine, says yes if we undo his hands...obviously not, but I will assist you in directing yourself to the urinal. After digging through several layers of clothes, getting Mr. Happy in position, and telling him to go ahead, he looks up at me and asks me if I'll play with it?!? After another round of this...and 3 liters of fluid, he tells me he ain't giving a sample and there's nothing I can do about it! Well, much to his dismay, you should never say that to a cranky old ER nurse going into hour 13. He learned that if the base of the member is held in a tight enough grip, all bucking will cease so as not to rip said member off at the root. And BTW...urine sample WILL be be given...lol

awesome. :D

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Specializes in ER.
coping through humor is one thing....a comment that is outdated and sounds uneducated/racist is another... :stone[/QUOT

Iwasn't responding to whatever post you were referring to.......I didn't see that one. I was responding to ER nurse's coping mechanisms in general. Which you have to admit, can be a bit morbid at times, hilarious at others. We have an ER nurse that acts as charge at night. She is in her 80's (believe it or not!). Old flight/trauma nurse. She was running in the hall the other night squirting people with water from a sryinge. :chuckle We were packed to the gills, people in the halls on carts. They were all laughing, too. :clown:

that is FANTASTIC!!!!! I'm sure she lightens the place.

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Specializes in ER.

and having a "tall dark drink of water at home" gives you more of a right to use that verbage than anyone else? MMMmmmm no.

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Specializes in ER.
I love syringe water fights

but if you want to be nasty

mix in a little mucomyst

oh my god, no! I accidentally squirted this nasty stuff onto a doc I just met (when mixing it into a drink) - he stunk of rotten eggs his whole shift. I felt so bad, but he was SUCH an OCD person and was so neat and pretty, I let myself off the hook!

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Specializes in ER.
Today it was...

"Look here nursie... (NURSIE!!!!!)

Just give me the Dilaudid and cab ride home and I'm outta here!"

Well...she got points for honesty...

But...NURSIE!!??!!

I don't think so.

Enjoy your Toradol.

Hee Hee Hee

:rotfl:

I had an affluent patient the other day (he made it a POINT that I know where he lives and what he does) - I greet patients with my name and I use their name in any interaction. So when he was discharged (I'm wearing my nametag), I say "goodbye Mr. Swift (something like that)" and he says, "take care, NURSE." Huh? :smackingf I wondered "what just happened there? Was he just using the word "nurse" to be offensive?" He was in his 40's too - it felt like he was trying to make a condescending point..

I worked with a young ER doc who would always use "nurse" in front of patients, but call you by your name any other time. So I was in a neighboring room (seperated by a curtain) and he was suturing, I think. He YELLS "Nuuuuuuurrrrssse" like the most irritating, whiney, god-awful noise I had ever heard. I poked my head through the curtain, and said "excuse ME?" "My name is Carrie, DOCTOOOOORRRR"

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