I don't know why but that statement makes my jaw clench up everytime I hear it.
I had a patient the other day ask me how I was going to insert a foley since "the head is down there, wont that hurt the baby?" For the love god, people .... come on .. 2 HOLES! SERIOUSLY!
and my favorite of all time ...
"Does that machine beep everytime I dilate?" .. this one left me speechless
Please share your "omg, no she didn't say/ask that" quotes
Shew, that's as old as the "if i don't get it, i'll die" line.
Yeah, some of them could come in with "Sucker" tattood on their foreheads too... always a blast when the first question the significant other asks (before we've even confirmed labor) is "When are you doing the paternity testing?"
Um... I don't do paternity testing. I suppose if you didn't feel guilty, you wouldn't be here. And I bet your SO really appreciates that question being asked in front of her when she's in massive pain and undergoing your basic anxieties of labor - kid going to survive, am I going to survive, (can someone please please make the pain go away), where's all the money going to come from, etc...
Last night we got a post-partum hemorrhage in from a lay-midwife clinic (she had lost 2 liters by the time we got her) and the baby came over with the family.. family's question = are you going to admit the baby? Um... baby was not going to be admitted anywhere else (I think at that clinic they watch them for 2 hours and they're free to go) and baby's doing fine, we can't really admit a healthy kid for anything. (I did let them know if the baby started acting poorly that we could through the ER, baby would go to pediatrics, so they'd have separate rooms!) ugh, what a mess.
Viisualize: Baby on open warmer, intubated, on vent, UA/UV, still has vernix and meconium all over him cuz he's too unstable to bathe, mom and/or dad says: "when's the baby going home?" or "we want him circumsized". [nurse: "Well, we have to get him off the venilator 1st"]
Or, baby on warmer, very, very jittery, mom comes in, says in a very loud voice, "Why is he jumping around like that?" [nurse: (quietly!) because of he was exposed to drugs while you were pregnant.] Mom: I didn't take [no] drugs!!!! I told them that!! (still very loud, baby jumping @ each loud noise) [nurse: let's go talk to the social worker]
Scary thing is... I don't have to visualize. :stone
i left the dynamap in the room for a moment while i went to go get something that the patient had asked for and when i returned, the patient's husband had taken the bp cuff and put it around his neck and was "taking" his blood pressure! when i asked what he was doing, he said he just wanted to see if it would work, and then being the genius that he was, asked why he felt so light-headed? :uhoh21:
the scariest part is that these people have reproduced!
that's a good one i love it !!!!! :chuckle :rotfl:
Yes.................I have heard that one before! LOL! Have you ever had someone tell you that their boyfriend is "too big" for condoms? I have heard that one as well!
When I worked in HIV education, I heard this all the time. I kept condoms with me to demonstrate that a latex condom can be stretched over the entire fist. Couple that with a silent, single eyebrow raise, and the look on the guy's faces was claaaaaassic.
It irks me when patients ask "how long is the wait", "why are they going before me". They just don't get the whole acuity system in an ER.....
"I have been here for 4 hours", ... well that is because you came to the ER
with a complaint of TOE PAIN.
SmilinBluEyes, if we can't rant here, exactly where can a nurse rant? With all of your experience I know you've probably heard some doosies. Spill 'em. All of 'em, on the table, now.
OK, mine's not necessarily the patients, it's the residents at our teaching hospital. As a doula, I ask the mom if she wants me to count for her during contractions. Sometimes it's a yes but if she's a primip, it might be a no. It's funny when the resident comes in and automatically starts counting when mom is pushing. These are the same docs who probably think that all the Spanish they need in L&D is "puje" (push), "mas" or "more" if mom is not pushing good enough, counting to ten in Spanish and after the ctx is done, either "otra vez" (again) or "muy bueno." If they need more Spanish than that, they are lost. And look to the nurses as if "RN" somehow translates to "automatically fluent in Spanish."
I work in L&D only most of the time with post partum patients staying over when post partum is full, I really don't like post partum and to top it off the patient and family members are alway's asking when am I going to my room?(would you rather be in a semi private room or in your labor room that I just cleaned up so nicely for you?) When will I see the baby?(for the 100th time I told you four hrs after delivery) When am I going home?(Please lady can you listen 24hrs normal delivery 48 hrs if c/s) :lol_hitti !
Wow, we keep our vag deliveries 48 hrs and c-sect pts stay 96 hrs! I guess that's why we have L&D and postpartum seperate. With 300-350 deliveries a month and our long postpartum stays, plus gyn surgery pts, we are pretty busy!
Melissa
I work in L&D only most of the time with post partum patients staying over when post partum is full, I really don't like post partum and to top it off the patient and family members are alway's asking when am I going to my room?(would you rather be in a semi private room or in your labor room that I just cleaned up so nicely for you?) When will I see the baby?(for the 100th time I told you four hrs after delivery) When am I going home?(Please lady can you listen 24hrs normal delivery 48 hrs if c/s) :lol_hitti !
This isn't really something everyone says, but it is a funny/sad story. A nurse on our unit had a primip deliver-everything was fine, until the pt passed a large-very large-blood clot. I wasn't there, but the nurse said that she used the chux to put it in a hat, and ran out of the room to catch the doc and show him before he left. Pt was okay-no hemorrhaging or anything. About 3 weeks later, our DON is contacted by the legal office of the hosp; the pt is saying that she delivered twins, and that the nurse STOLE her baby, and that she now wants it back. Needless to say, good documentation on the part of the nurse, an early sono gram, as well as good documentation by the doc saved the day. But I do still wonder if that pt is walking around, still convinced that we "stole" her baby....
I can handle the weird things that patients say due to lack of education or understanding, but it really irks me when patients try to manipulate. Like for example, the patient I took care of last weekend. 36 weeks, G2P1001 presents with "contractions" every "2-3 minutes" however, no contractions seen on monitor, none palpated in over 15 minutes of palpating and cervix was thick and closed. Explained to patient that she was not in labor, gave her verbal and written instructions on when to come back, and then, here comes my favorite line "well, I never go into labor on my own, they always have to break my water." OK, several issues with this sentence, the terms always and never don't really belong since you have only been pregnant one other time! and membranes never HAVE to be AROM'd. So, I just told her that this was good news, she won't have a premature baby because the doctor will not induce her labor at 36 weeks just because they "had to" last time and since it apparently won't in any way happen on it's own she wasn't at risk for delivering early!!!
The other thing that irks me is when you go into a patients room, do an exam, discuss the patients progress with her, leave the room, and the mother or mother in law follows you out and corners you and asks "how is she really doing?" Well, first of all, I am not lying to her and I'm not holding anything back from her and, why do you think that you have a right to some nonexistant "secret" information? OR, same type of scenerio, but, you kick everyone out of the room do an exam, leave the room and everyone in the hall starts asking "how far is she dilated?" and get mad when you tell them that they will need to ask the patient that info as nurse is not at liberty to discuss it with them. Like they aren't planning to go running right back into the room!!!
Oh my, am I on a roll now, cuz I just remembered my all time favorite. FOB is married, but not to patient. FOB's wife calls L&D unit (several times) but on the time that I answer the phone, she wants to know how far the patient is dilated and how much longer until she delivers. I explain to her that I cannot tell her that and I will transfer her call to patient if she would like, she gets upset and refuses to be transfered to patient's room, then tells me that she has a "right" to know because her husband is FOB and she needs to know when he will be home!! When I continue to refuse to give the info she acutally asks for my name and says that she is going to report me to the administration. I asked her to please do so!!!!!
I love it when you go into a patient's room to start an IV or some other procedure, and the patient's family asks, "do you know what you are doing?" I am so tempted to say, "well sort of, you see they were short staffed tonight, so they just yanked me off of the street corner - hey I clean-up pretty nicely don't I? I love the scrubs!". Or, my personal fave "No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night!". Geeezzz :rotfl:
My favorite thing to say is.......
Well, don't be alarmed. When I graduated from nursing school last week the IV starting class was the last one I took and I was the best in the class. :rotfl:
I love the looks I get. I can deliver the line with a deadpan expression and I get a kick out of it.
I love it when you go into a patient's room to start an IV or some other procedure, and the patient's family asks, "do you know what you are doing?" I am so tempted to say, "well sort of, you see they were short staffed tonight, so they just yanked me off of the street corner - hey I clean-up pretty nicely don't I? I love the scrubs!". Or, my personal fave "No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night!". Geeezzz :rotfl:
Marie_LPN, RN, LPN, RN
12,126 Posts
Shew, that's as old as the "if i don't get it, i'll die" line.