What My Denial Letter Taught Me about Myself

If you ever had gotten denied for your program and felt lost , it's not the end.

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What My Denial Letter Taught Me about Myself

Denial Letter = I am not cut out for nursing????

As a pre-nursing student, a denial letter is something that you don’t want to see. If you have received one before, you were probably like me. It’s the end of the world. I’m not cut out for nursing or simply asking yourself what now. I just got my letter yesterday, but by the time this article is published, a few days or weeks may have passed by.  With a night filled with tears and a morning full of promises, I learned so much and would like to share it with you.

The reaction :

On the day I got my letter I never knew I was going to receive it, I just had this impending sense that as soon as I woke up, I was going to burst into tears, but I didn’t know why I just went on about my day feeling very weird and trancelike. My letter arrived as my eyes scanned over; We regret to inform you that my insides decided to chip away. I phoned away to anyone I knew related to the nursing program from the college I applied to, then another devastating blow (I was ineligible, due to a low test score), my breath deepened, and a flood of tears rushed down. Everything I tried hard for was coming undone! For the rest of the day, I cried, the worst being at night, and all before final exams!

I recently wrote an article, and there was a comment about “Aren’t you a nurse yet.” While crying, I thought about that and the people who called me dumb and doubted me. I wasn’t going to be able to prove them wrong. I thought of the staff I stood up to. I thought they achieved some weird sense of satisfaction from my demise. My dreams fizzled out for the night.

Keep Moving...

I woke up puffy-eyed (I barely could open my eyes)! I didn’t want to take my exams but knew I had to keep moving(wait for it!) As soon as I showered, it’s like my mood shifted. I had to keep moving no matter what happened to me, that if I wanted something so bad, I had to fight for it at all costs. So I went on and took my final (I passed) and then decided, I’m going to do this over again, and I’m going to do it right!

I went to the testing coordinator and told him my problems. He was very kind enough to give me my own test date, just me, and point me in the right direction with resources. I rode home feeling a bit better about my future.

My Mistakes 

1. I didn’t put myself first – I didn’t practice self-care at all! By this, I mean I took on tasks from others even though I was very tired. If I would have said  NO more, despite probably being labeled a *** or worse, I think I would have fared better in this pursuit

2. I took my entrance exam while having other classes to study for Each time I took my entrance exam, I had courses on board with them. In one semester, I took six classes and had little time to study, and the other time I had two. This time I will be going into the test with no classes at all

3. I compared myself to others – Others coming into the programs had good marks and higher GPA. Although I made A’s and B’s, I wasn’t good enough NOR smart enough no matter how much people told me that I was capable.

4. I had severe test anxiety – I could not sleep the day of the tests and freak out to the point where everything I focused on faded as soon as the test began!

5. I let other’s opinions of me get to me – I was bullied by students and gaslighted by staff at my CC. I stood up to them, and while it eased my problems, some staff members did not like me, I felt bad for standing up (then), but it did affect me.

6. I RUSHED – Because I wanted to get in so bad, I paired some courses that I should have taken singularly.

What I am doing differently:

1. Solo Testing - Due to my severe testing anxiety I will be allowed to take my test alone and in an environment where I can relax 

2. Retaking some courses - This is not a big issue for me, I will be taking time for the Summer and fall to retake classes, 1 class per semester

3. Believing in myself - I wrote this article in tears, not because of disappointment but because I finally started to believe in myself

A Blessing in Disguise?

Writing this article, I laughed, and then I cried. Was getting denied from my program a blessing in disguise? Maybe so because I didn’t confront my “beasts” (the tests and doubts) with confidence. I listened to the words of my family members, friends, and testing coordinator and decided I’d be focusing on myself more often. I cried yesterday because I was defeated, and now I cried tears of joys, this being because I finally found out how strong I was and the power of believing in yourself.

References:

Didn’t Get Into the Nursing Program Your First Try? So What! | Becoming Nurse Nae

Nursing School Rejection Letter: What to Do About It

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TheNursingdoll

About TheNursingdoll, CNA

Hello there! I am a nursing student hoping to get into my technical school's Fall of 2021 program. If you are a pre-nursing student needing help , I will help in any way possible.

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Specializes in Occupational Health.

just a quick comment that #2 in the survey should have the choice "Not Applicable" for those that have never received a rejection. The current choices assume a rejection

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7 minutes ago, sleepwalker said:

just a quick comment that #2 in the survey should have the choice "Not Applicable" for those that have never received a rejection. The current choices assume a rejection

Tysm , I actually had a bit of brain fog with this and I'm gonna end up closing it but thank you so much for this ?

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Specializes in Physiology, CM, consulting, nsg edu, LNC, COB.

I used to have students like you. I used to tell them that if they put half the effort into studying as they did extracurriculars, they'd probably feel (and do) better. Consider this if you find yourself falling behind, foggy, scattered, or otherwise not at your best as you know it. Eyes on the prize.

I understand that the internet was constructed precisely to grasp and hold our attention, give us little dopamine blasts (from likes, high scores, read-bys, showers of imaginary coins, etc); it's as hard to quit it or to use it only in moderation as it is anything else that gives our brains dopamine blasts, just like tobacco. But health is health, and education is education, so do try to make like the telescope and focus.

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33 minutes ago, Hannahbanana said:

I used to have students like you. I used to tell them that if they put half the effort into studying as they did extracurriculars, they'd probably feel (and do) better. Consider this if you find yourself falling behind, foggy, scattered, or otherwise not at your best as you know it. Eyes on the prize.

I understand that the internet was constructed precisely to grasp and hold our attention, give us little dopamine blasts (from likes, high scores, read-bys, showers of imaginary coins, etc); it's as hard to quit it or to use it only in moderation as it is anything else that gives our brains dopamine blasts, just like tobacco. But health is health, and education is education, so do try to make like the telescope and focus.

 Umm. Thank you, I was told by asking for advice to write this. If anything , it seems like you like putting people down which is your dopamine blast, I sure am driving you bananas and plus I see you on the leadership board , nice job!!. If I bug you that much there is an ignore option.  You seem to be a bit bitter , which is sad before you have much experience.  I am focusing and looking forward to being a nurse in the near future ?. My goal is retesting.

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Specializes in Physiology, CM, consulting, nsg edu, LNC, COB.

Ah, you misunderstand me. My bad if I wasn't clear enough. It is literally true what I said about the interenet and its seductiveness. You may use it as you see fit, of course. My experience with students is that they find nursing school challenging enough without outside distractions, of which the internet can certainly be one. An hour or two spent here is an hour or two  not spent on, oh, understanding nursing diagnosis (learning to think like a nurse) or some physiological concept you'll need a lot (like, oh, hypokalemia and acid-base balance).

AN is loaded c people who have advice when you ask for it. You are free to take it or leave it, as it suits your needs.

Best of luck to you.

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2 minutes ago, Hannahbanana said:

Ah, you misunderstand me. My bad if I wasn't clear enough. It is literally true what I said about the interenet and its seductiveness. You may use it as you see fit, of course. My experience with students is that they find nursing school challenging enough without outside distractions, of which the internet can certainly be one. An hour or two spent here is an hour or two  not spent on, oh, understanding nursing diagnosis (learning to think like a nurse) or some physiological concept you'll need a lot (like, oh, hypokalemia and acid-base balance).

AN is loaded c people who have advice when you ask for it. You are free to take it or leave it, as it suits your needs.

Best of luck to you.

I am sorry , I think we misunderstood each other and I apologize for the comment. Thank you for this advice.

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Specializes in Physiology, CM, consulting, nsg edu, LNC, COB.

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