What to do about a hyperverbal classmate?

[spaghetina]

I have a classmate with whom I've spent the last 5 weeks on a clinical rotation. I'll be spending the next 5 weeks with this person as well, and we may, in fact, end up on the same rotations for the remainder of the year, which is 2 more quarters. This person is friendly and outgoing, but after being in their presence for some time, it's become clear that they're quite self-important, self-serving, and passive aggressive. This wouldn't normally be of much concern to me (not my business what kind of personality you have, as long as your life isn't intertwined with mine in some inextricable way), except that they talk incessantly. Truly, our 1-hour post-conference meetings are dominated by endless, rambling chatter, and 8 of us, including the clinical instructor, can be held prisoner for upwards of 15 minutes as this person answers 1 question. Often, this occurs several times during the course of one post-conference. Sometimes other classmates will begin talking only to be interrupted mid-sentence by this hyperverbal person interjecting their opinion. The quieter students get shut out completely, and never have a chance to say anything. The impression I get is that most people start to tune out after several minutes. My problem is that I can't seem to do this, and so it grates on my nerves that are already usually frazzled by the end of the day.

As an example of the type of rude interruption and inappropriate amount of talking:

Yesterday, a classmate and I were going over some IVBP procedures, and this classmate interrupted me as I was running through my practice no less than 3 times in about 5 minutes. Once was because they wanted to share a text that their significant other had just sent them.

I've never enjoyed these types of personalities who were very much "me, me, me, let's talk about me...forever," but I've mostly been able to avoid them. At this point, it's clear that avoidance isn't going to be possible with only 7 other students on this rotation. Short of that, is there a way to politely tell someone they're talking too much? Interrupting back is just going to perpetuate rudeness and isn't going to get me anywhere, and I don't think this person is aware enough that they would take the hint anyway. Being unfriendly is simply impossible with our small class size. Do I need to just suck it up, and play nice, or is there a way to tactfully tell someone to shut up?

[Jenngirl34RN]

In the case of her interrupting you when you are practicing, you should say something. There is no reason to be rude, just say something like, "I am really sorry, but I really need to concentrate on what I am doing. Can I get back to when I am finished?" You need to speak up when it affects your learning. As far as post conference is concerned, if your instructor is not willing to stop her rambling, there is not much you can do. If she interrupts you, you can say "I am sorry, but I wasn't finished," but there isn't anything you can do about her monopolizing the time. That is up to your instructor.

[spaghetina]

Thanks for the input, Jenn. :) That was my thought, too, regarding my instructor. I'm actually relatively surprised that the instructor has rarely jumped in, maybe because she, herself, can be quite verbose, lol.

I probably need to work on my communication skills, as well. I tend to have trouble saying things that are assertive in nature without my tone sounding a little mean (I've been told that I'm very direct, and that can be easily misinterpreted as being a b*tch, though I certainly don't intend to come off that way ). I'm pretty sure that this person isn't accustomed to being called out for their behavior, so I worry that they'll be offended. Tact is key here.

I guess, ultimately, this is a personality conflict, and that's unavoidable in life, especially in the workplace.

[SoldierNurse22, BSN, RN]

Learn now how to assert your opinion firmly yet politely. DO NOT be spoken over, especially if you were talking first!

"Excuse me, Jane, but I wasn't finished speaking. (I'm curious to hear what you think, but)* I'm going to finish my thought, and then you may feel free to continue."

(don't say this part unless you mean it!)*

"I'm sorry, Jane, I'm busy with Mr. Q. I'll come find you when I'm done."

"Excuse me, Jane, but clinicals ended about 10 minutes ago and I need to be on my way. Ms. Instructor, may we be excused?"

Tone is key. It is quite possible to say the above phrases pleasantly and conversationally. It's also possible to say them and sound like a total *****. If you have to, practice with friends, family, or in a receptive mirror.

As you noted above, this is not only an important interpersonal skill to develop, but it's going to be important for you as a new grad not to give people the impression that you'll be mowed over just because someone else is willing to talk louder/longer than you. This includes exacting the consideration of others, even if they don't want to give it to you.

As far as this student's opinion of you, be polite, but don't be ruled by a fear of their opinion. They can think whatever they want as long as you do the right thing in a professional manner. If you spend your career worried about what other people think, you'll find it very difficult to advance. Thick skin is key in this profession!

[NICU Guy, BSN, RN]

I would talk to the instructor and ask her to bring an egg timer. She needs to state in post conference that everyone will be given X minutes to talk about their clinical experience for that day and when everyone is done and there is time you can talk again for an extra X minutes and there will be no interrupting while your classmate is talking.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

Do I need to just suck it up, and play nice, or is there a way to tactfully tell someone to shut up?

In the real world of nursing you'll encounter talkative patients and hyperverbal family members who want to monopolize your time and keep you in the patient's room for hours. But when you've got multiple other patients who need you, you must find a way to tactfully end the conversation and exit the room.

The nicer a person seems, the more people will take advantage and talk over them. Nonassertive body language can be detected, believe it or not.

When someone rudely interjects into a conversation I'm having, I'll respond, "Sue and I were talking and would like to continue talking. Thank you." If the chatty Cathy continues interrupting, I'll say, "Sue and I were having a conversation that's just between the two of us." If the person still doesn't catch a clue I'll say, "We would like to talk without being interrupted."

I have hung around shady social circles filled with street people who will straight-up tell a chatty Cathy to "butt out" or "mind your own damned business." However, since we cannot be so blunt in professional settings, you will definitely need to develop the assertiveness to deal with this classmate. If not, chatty patients will monopolize your time and cause you to fall hopelessly behind when you do become a nurse.

Good luck to you!

[Fruit Sucker]

I wish I knew. I have one of those, too, and nothing will shut him up. Instructors have tried. Other students have tried. Nothing stops him, including setting limits, humiliation, punishment, you name it. I think he may have ADD or something. This guy has constant verbal diarrhea to the point where everyone in the class now wants him to fail out.

[spaghetina]

Thanks for all the replies, everyone. I really appreciate all of these suggestions!

In my life outside of nursing school, I'm much more to-the-point/direct with people, especially when they're being rude, but because our group is so small, and because I get a vibe and have heard some things out of this person's mouth that lead me to believe they're very much the type who has no issues throwing people "under the bus," I'm wary of rocking this particular boat.

There's not much I can do about the verbal diarrhea during class discussions (and this particular rotation just ended, so there's hope for a more assertive instructor at our next location), but the next time I'm rudely interrupted, I'll pull some of your quotes out of my bag of tricks and see what happens!

[RNsRWe, ASN, RN]

Tough situation! I was trying to think of how to write how I might deal with it....and was giving it some thought when I read through everyone else's responses and I think they nailed it :)

Mostly, I think I'm kinda with SoldierNurse in that if Miss Thing piped up while I was speaking, I'd put up my finger and say "excuse me, I wasn't done yet. Give me a minute?" and then carry on. Next time she does it? Finger up in the air, "EXCUSE me, I haven't finished what I was saying". Rinse, repeat :)

[SnowballDVM]

I was going to say definitely do NOT apologize, since Ms. Chatty is the one who is being rude, not you. However, since you said she might be the type of person who would throw others under the bus, I'll adjust that. I would try very hard not to start your sentence with "I'm sorry", because you have nothing for which to be sorry, but "Excuse me..." is still polite. I would also say something like, "I don't interrupt you when you are talking/doing a procedure; I would appreciate the same courtesy". Hold up your index finger (much as you might be tempted to use a different finger, haha) or make the "stop" gesture with your palm if necessary.

If your next clinical instructor lets her get away with her verbal diarrhea (or "logorrhea"), I hope you will talk to the instructor. It's not fair for any one student to dominate conferences that way, and while the quieter students may need to assert themselves more, it's mostly up to the instructor to run the conference efficiently. I like the egg-timer idea.

[SoldierNurse22, BSN, RN]

I would try very hard not to start your sentence with "I'm sorry", because you have nothing for which to be sorry,[\QUOTE]

Even if the OP starts her sentence with "I'm sorry", there needs be no indication of an apology.

For all Chatty Cathy knows, OP could be saying, "I'm sorry (you talk incessantly), but..." or "I'm sorry (you can't take a hint)..." etc. Like I said above--tone. Tone is everything.

[KiggyPupPuff]

I would talk to the instructor and ask her to bring an egg timer. She needs to state in post conference that everyone will be given X minutes to talk about their clinical experience for that day and when everyone is done and there is time you can talk again for an extra X minutes and there will be no interrupting while your classmate is talking.

And enforce it too?

In an ideal world here is what I would say:

me: how are you today [hyperverbal classmate]? it seems to me that you have lots of ideas on your clinical experience? What are your thoughts on letting to the rest of the group have a chance to speak?

But seriously, I agree, the previous replies nailed it!