Wednesday September 4th 2024

Tweety, BSN, RN · Sep 4, 2024

Good morning!

Joe, hope you have a good day.

I've had to make peace with my job and its stressors. I got tired of being stressed and angry all the time and either I quit or adjust. Right now I'm adjusting but there are still days the stress me way out. My plan is to stick it out until retirement but that's not anytime soon.

Today is a "reset day" as I need to regroup and acknowledge that I've been depressed again. Might have to mention maybe getting on a low dose Lexapro of something, or going back to therapy because the episodes keep coming back. But also from a lifetime of this and therapy, I do have some skills to help myself.

Sorry for the dump but I have stuff on my mind and I'm alone. LOL.

No Stars In My Eyes · Sep 4, 2024

My doctor up in Asheville said to me, when I groaned about adding a second depression medicine to the one I was already taking.....Depression is a disease, like diabetes, and you wouldn't refuse to take the medicine that would help make your life better in that case. So I agreed to try the 2nd med and it really did help. Sometimes depression isn't something you can "will away", and is not just a weakness of your mind. Take care of yourself!

BiL is supposed to be coming over between noon and 3 PM; he plans to mow the grass, and then be here for when the HVAC people come to do the maintenance visit, and also a guy to look at and give an estimate for the tree work. Guess I ought to finish getting dressed and go get the Nannie person up.....

No Stars In My Eyes · Sep 4, 2024

As Nannie was sitting on the commode and I was washing her off and dressing her, she asked me 6 times in less than 2 minutes "What's that noise?" And I told her 7 times, "That's your son on the riding lawn mower", and then had to add that washing machine is going, because I didn't put the huge, jumbo overnight pad on her last night, so all the bedding has to be washed. Then, when BiL started around the back yard mowing, I had to explain to her again that it was her son on the riding lawn mower. Then she said, "What's he doing?" Despite the first thought that came to my mind for a response was, "What's your best guess?", I did not say that! I just repeated what I'd said before. Then she asked several more times, "Who is that out there in the back yard?" And asked again as he rode up from the back of the back yard. My goodness gracious sake's alive, her "memory" can't even be called a memory!

She is also talking about the jersey and jacket she was wearing when I went in to 'wake her up", and is continually wanting me to look at the sleeves and the colors, ("Look. Look! Don't they look good together?") because she is so pleased with them....but she didn't even know she had picked them out and put them on by herself earlier. There was a variety of clothes placed here and there, which she'd pulled off the hangers and opened the dresser drawers to find something she wanted to wear. She had not one clue about any of that. I didn't have the heart to tell her that the pattern on the jersey, in spite of some similar colors, does NOT "go" with the jacket. I mean, heck, the clothes-police won't be doing an investigation today, so if it makes her happy, that's what she'll keep wearing!

I can hardly wait until the guys arrive, who are coming to make estimates. That'll be more explanations on top of explanations. I'll have to keep my hackles down when I answer her questions for the thousandth time! OY! What parts of her brain are not deep rabbit holes, are smothered with amyloids. Very sad. I wonder how long and far she has to go before something 'takes her'. It's going on 8 years now, and I hear others who say their parent (or whomever) had dementia for 13 to 15 years! GOD FORBID that is going to go like that, on and on and on here! What's that country song?....."Jesus, Take the Wheel". I know you guys know I am not being mean by wishing her to pass over, just venting about the extended care-giving that I've trapped myself into. Oh well. I am NOT being a saint, I am just trying to secure my future by staying here, since the house and property is bequeathed to me, which actually sounds kind of bad, too. But without that, I have nothing for support in my future life. If she lasts longer than me, it won't be a problem. But jeez, I really would like to have a life of my own again before I croak.

Okay, enough. We all know the story of my Nannie woes, so I don't need to belabor the point.

All for now.....

toomuchbaloney · Sep 4, 2024

NSIME this is your life. Unless you have some sort of contractual agreement for daily care, you should make your plans and let her family know when you will be unavailable because of book club or bowling or boxing or whatever. Don't feel guilty. There will be difficulties but those can be smoothed out.

Good luck.

Editorial Team / Admin · Sep 4, 2024

Hello all!

Joe, Tweety, No Stars, Ado, nursej22, sirI, and all the rest: I, for one, am glad you are here, each and every one, for your posts and comments and insights and even posting the mundane and silly things, all add to our community here. You add to "the humanity of it all!" We are all better because of you.

Slept OK last night, which was good because I got up at 0730 to get over to the tire place by 9. I picked up some donuts for the workers and dropped them off when I dropped off the car. An hour, four tires, a wheel alignment, and $1400 later, I drove off with new tires! And picked up some of dh's favorite donuts. At least ONE of us in this house can eat them!! I just oogled them sitting in the box, as I inhaled the sugary aroma.

We didn't go to the lake yesterday (Tuesday). Perhaps tomorrow. It's too hot for me to walk in the evenings, and walking in the mornings isn't working for me. I continue to do exercises/elliptical here at home.

Have a good evening!

No Stars In My Eyes · Sep 5, 2024

Boxing~

Huh! 🤔 I hadn't thought about that!😋

nursej22, MSN, RN · Sep 5, 2024

Hi. Home from Tacoma, after attending a concert last night. Weather sl. cloudy and warm. P!nk was a lot of fun; she does acrobatics for part of her show. This is how she closed the show.

I've taken anti-depressants in the past, didn't seem to do much and unpleasant side effects. When I worked in the hospital, almost every nurse was taking something for anxiety, depression, or to induce sleep. I found that very sad. I finally came to realize that it just wasn't a healthy environment for me, and left. Yeah, it would have been better financially, but I was have physical symptoms.

I use being active to reduce stress. Semi effective and no side effects, except the occasional sore joint. And I avoid drama.

Dianah, that was pretty sweet ( pun intended) to take donuts. My sis took muffins to the cancer center last week to celebrate the 1/2 mark through chemo and rad tx.

Joe I hope you can find some peace with your work. It is only a small part of your life and shouldn't control all your energies.

Stars, I can't imagine. I wonder completely changing whatever is going on, like singing, or putting on some music, or doing some exercise would break the cycle of who is that, what's that noise, look, look. My dad loved country music, and his whole demeanor would change to hear it. Or to watch an old Western movie or TV series.

TMB has a good idea about being assertive with your needs.

Hi Annie!