As a retired RN, this joke really hit my funny bone. Wait a minute! It IS a joke, isn't it??
Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hell? It took her two weeks to realize she wasn't at work!
You know you're a nurse if...
You would like to meet the inventor of the call light some night in a dark alley.
Your sense of humor gets more warped each year.
Almost everything can seem humorous...eventually.
You know the smell of different diarrhea to identify it.
You wash your hands BEFORE you use the bathroom..
You check the caller ID on your day off to see if anyone from the hospital is trying to call and ask you to work.
Discussing bodily fluids over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to you.
You think that caffeine should be available in IV form.
You get an almost irresistible urge to stand and wolf your food even in the nicest restaurants.
You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if you say,"It's unusually quiet around here today"
You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there".
You notice that you are using more 4 letter words than you even knew before you started nursing.
Every time someone asks you for a pen you can find at least 4 of them on you .
You live by the motto "to be right is only half the battle, to convince the doctor is more difficult.."
You've told a confused patient that your name was that of your coworker and to holler if they need help.
Your bladder can expand to the size of a winnebago's water tank.
You find yourself checking out other customer's veins in grocery waiting lines.
You avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that they will drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day off.
Your finger has gone places you never thought possible.
You have seen more memberes than any prostitute.
If you are not a nurse and have been sent this by a friend who is, it's just to help you understand our mind set and questionable mental status/sanity. Most of the time we function in spite of this sick sense of humor, fairly normally and very responsibly.
"You think that caffine should be available in IV form"
Caffine is available in IV form. I have given it although very infrequently, to pt with migraines.
I've only seen this in a formulation called "cafergot:" includes caffeine and ergotamine to bust migraines and cluster HA.
There have been days when I have skipped the morning caffeine ritual (at whatever time of day morning is for that shift), and fantasized about "caff-forgot."
More than once I thought it might go well in an insulin pump like device...
I once had a confused pt. that yelled out all weekend. I kept telling her my Director's name all weekend and by Monday morning she was yelling her name. Everybody got a great laugh out of that one
This is the first day for me on allnurses.com and this is the first post I've read. Good Heavens (I cleaned that up a bit) that is all so true.
Thank you so much for starting me out with the best quotes I've read. Once worked with a CNA who taught a non-english speaking patient that the bedpan was called "orange Juice". Noor
mizfradd, CNA
295 Posts
:roll