Update: A Lesson in Family, Ethics and End of Life

Nurses General Nursing

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As some of you have read our family is going through a rough time with our matriarchal Grandmother. She is the glue that binds us and the sass that keeps up laughing through our troubles.

For more on her recent admission to the ICU read here: A Lesson in Family, Ethics and End of Life - Nursing for Nurses

Well at this point of time we are really at a cross-roads. My Grandmother is now trach-vented and is neither improving or declining. She has good and crabby days, but overall is described to me as sassy and competent. My family is currently looking into an LTAC facility for her. This was something I was dreading. Though now I am not so sure what to think.

My conceptions of death and end of life are so challenged right now. In the end it is not my decision, however after a long heart to heart with my Uncle, I realized how terrified he is to have to make that call.

She cannot survive off the ventilator. However nothing much spectacular is going on in any direction. I keep wondering, what is end of life like when you are being held together with band-aids and hope?

If anyone has any suggestions for any books that might be of use to our family, or websites please feel free to post them here.

I am treading deep in unfamiliar territory and am not sure how to help support my family right now.

Thanks for listening (reading), ;)

Tait

thanks for your post, tait.

it really did provide much insight.

so, it seems that grandma has truly been the family's matriarch...

a role that she has likely savored for a great many years?

it's no wonder then, family is acting as they are.

the greatest gift her kids could give her, is permission to go.

i pray that comes, in time.

leslie

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I remember seeing your previous thread. What a sad situation. I'm so sorry to hear this.

I know someone who read this book when they found out a family member of theirs was not going to have much longer to live because of cancer.

Amazon.com: Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying (9780553378764): Maggie Callanan, Patricia Kelley: Books

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I know someone who read this book when they found out a family member of theirs was not going to have much longer to live because of cancer.

Amazon.com: Final Gifts: Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying (9780553378764): Maggie Callanan, Patricia Kelley: Books

actually tait, i used to have this book...

and if i still do, i'd be glad to give it to you.

i'll have to go through my mountains of books and see.

if i have it, i'll pm you.

it is a wonderful book, but am not sure how 'helpful' it'll be in your particular situation.

still, it has brought comfort to millions...

leslie

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Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice.

Talked to my mom today. Apparently they are transferring my Grandmother out of ICU and to an Acute care floor in the hospital. They think if they can get her up and moving more she might do better weaning off the vent.

I guess it is a good thing?

Tait

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Specializes in Acute Care Cardiac, Education, Prof Practice.

Another update: My grandmother is still in the hospital, still has a trach, however isn't supported by a ventilator. She won't give up the trach because she is scared, even though they believe she will be fine.

PT is working with her help get her stronger and I have tasked my family to make sure, when they are there, to help her change her Depends to keep her bottom from getting more sore.

It would seem life is on the right track for her now.

I asked my mom the other day if she felt I had steered her wrong at any point, had not had enough faith, or was a pessimist about the situation. She resoundingly told me "no!" and told me all the stories about how our family said I was the best thing that could have happened during this crisis. She also believes I was instrumental in getting my grandmother to this point and that nothing I said was out of line, or anything they weren't hearing as well from practitioners at different points.

I know I am learning a new perspective on optimism in this situation.

Just thought I would give a heads up to those interested.

Tait

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