Unsupportive Family Member

[Dottie, RN]

Hi! First of all, I want to say congrats to everyone who is starting nursing school this coming semester, and good luck! Also, I need to vent. Back in November I found out I was accepted into nursing school for this coming spring semester (YAY!!) Even though I was extremely excited, I withheld from telling my parents (my mother in particular), until yesterday. I realize I'm an adult and don't need anyone's approval for anything, but I just want support! I believe that we all need some kind of support from our family and friends in order for it to be easier to achieve our goals.

When I told them, my father seemed to be happy, and said that's good I'm going back to school, and if I want to achieve something, I should go for it. They actually knew before that I was interested in nursing school when I was taking my pre-reqs. My mother on the other hand wasn't as enthusiastic about the news. This is how she is, that's why it took me so long to tell them. She used to be an LVN and had to quit working about 15 years ago, due to a back and knee injury she got on the job. I'm not sure if that has anything to do with her negativity towards my choice of going into nursing or not. She did ask if I was going for RN or LVN, so I told her RN. And her response was "If it was LVN, it's not worth it. They work your a** off and don't pay enough. Nursing is just not what it used to be." I felt bad she made that comment, but hopefully she won't be so negative since I'm going for RN. I just wish she would have shown some kind of happiness. It tears me up that she is so negative and unsupportive. Everyone else in my life is happy, why can't she be? I didn't say anything to her, but if it continues, I'll be tempted to ask her what the problem is.

Is anyone else out there in the same boat as I am?

[caliotter3]

Your mom's attitude is probably an indication of her own disappointment in her career and should not be taken as a disappointment in you. She will be just as proud as your Dad when she attends your graduation. Good luck.

[jillebean]

I wouldn't go as far as to say unsupporitve, but i worry that my family (husband, 10 year old, and 13 year old) doesn't really understand how much things will change. It's a huge challenge, and there will be sacrifices to be made. Maybe you should take your mom out for coffee, and see if an un-interrruped conversation will help to answer your questions, and help her to say what's on her mind as well. Also, ask her about her experiences...let her know that she will be an important part of your learning. Good Luck!

[JBudd, MSN]

Jillibean,

Make it a point to have some one on one time with each kid (hubby too), once a week or even every other week. My daughter and I had a place we went out to breakfast, where we never went as a family. It was just for us. Gave us time to talk, sometimes about nothing and sometimes about deep stuff that just needed an opportunity. Make Thursday morning "breakfast time", or anyday/any meal, and rotate the kids through it with you. It really helps.

2010 stu: My mother threatened to break my leg if I chose to go somewhere dangerous after I graduated! I was lined up to go to a clinic in Guatemala (during a lot of civil unrest); that fell through and I ended up in a country under martial (islamic) law. Moms just don't want their kids to be in "bad places", if she didn't like nursing, she understandably won't be enthusiastic for you. Give her time, show her what a terrific nurse you'll be. Just don't use her for your venting/sounding board about school troubles! lol

[CBsMommy]

Oh yes, I feel your pain, OP. My mother is never supportive of me. In fact, I asked her why she was so unsupportive. She gives me the, I AM supportive speech. No, she's not.

But, this is the way it's been all of my life. I have never heard I'm proud of you from my mother. She's never gone to student teacher conferences, or helped with homework or went to choir recitals. While it does hurt, it's also made me stronger. Now that I'm 30, I realize that it's her problem. I also realize that I never want to be that type of mother to my son.

Anyway, you can do this. If this is something that you really want to do, forget what she says (I know, harder said than done). When you graduate and walk across that stage to receive your diploma, you remember that this is something that YOU earned because YOU wanted it. In the meantime, you have support here at Allnurses.com. Hang in there!