1. You have absolutely no idea where your shoes are.
2. You've just had to get someone to help you pull your pants up in the ladies room.
3. You suddenly decide you want to kick someone's ass.
4. In your last trip to "pee" you realize you now look more like Tammy Faye Baker than the goddess you were just four hours ago.
5. You drop your 3:00 a.m. burrito on the floor, pick it up and carry on eating.
6. You start crying.
7. There are less than three hours before you're due to start work.
8. You've found a deeper side to the office nerd.
9. The man you're flirting with used to be your fifth grade teacher.
10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and sing becomes strangely overwhelming.
11. You've forgotten where you live.
12. You've started to sound like Jessie Ventura from the cigarettes you've smoked, because (as you've mentioned like ten times by now) you only smoke when you drink.
13. You yell at the bartender, who (you think) cheated you by giving you just tonic, but that's just because you can no longer taste the gin or vodka.
14. You think you're in bed, but your pillow feels strangely like pizza.
15. You start every conversation with a booming, "Don't take this the wrong way but..."
16. You fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when you sit on it.
17. Your sloppy hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.
18. You're tired so you just sit on the floor (and why not!).
19. You show your friends that girls can pee standing up if they really want to.
Yes, I do long for the good old days.... and YES I am glad I live in a different town!!! And glad the residents became doctors at different hospitals! Once mu husband and I got caught by the cops in the back of his car. We both wildly were pulling our clothes on, and then tried to convince the officer we were just listening to music in the back of the car. The cop shone his flashlight around the car and said to me, "Do you always take off your underwear to listen to music Miss?" (Da*n, so that's where they went!!) Well, at least that was one pair accounted for!
Once hubby and I parked on an old country one-lane gravel road, wouldn't ya know someone had to come down the road at a crucial moment? He hopped into the front seat and drove down the road to the main road stark naked! He'd kill me if he knew I was writing this!!! LOL!!
Once I went out wearing a really cute jumper/shorts outfit, suitable for clubbing. I was just a tad embarrassed when my step-father casually pointed out to me when I came home very late, that my clothes were on inside-out (I was 22, legal by then, but still living at home.) And, no, I'm not telling you how they got that way !!
Can't wait to try it out...in front of me hubby of course so I can catch the expression on his face when he sees me standing to go potty! :chuckle :roll :chuckle
!!
Zee_RN, BSN, RN
951 Posts
Going on the bulletin board at work!! Along with Pee Standing Up Instructions!!!! Too good!