Thursday December 7th 2023

No Stars In My Eyes · Dec 7, 2023

We'un's are all up now. Nannie says, as usual, "It sure is BRIGHT out there!" Yup, it's called SUNSHINE, Nannie. Amazing to me that it always is amazing to HER!

Haven't heard anything about BiL; last I heard was he is supposed to have another stent put in on Friday; they are keeping him until then for observation.

Had a LONG, involved dream with a lot of people in it, but I can't remember anything more than it was located in the usual college-campus-dormitory/large-hospital and shopping mall combo in the usual combination of 3 or 4 cities in which I have lived in, in the past. It is so interesting to me the way all those places meld together, and consistently appear as the settings in my dreams.

Last night I started putting clothes in my 'new' closet, and prolly will do some more of the same today, as well as filling the dresser with jerseys, sweaters, etc. I found out that the entirety of my usable underwear consists of two pair of undies and 2 bras. Guess at some point I ought to purchase some more of them so I don't have to launder quite so often! But I'm not going out to do that today. Other than that I have no plans, except maybe re-make Nannie's bed. Her sheets are so old that the fitted sheets don't have decent elastic left to fit it to the mattress very well. One of these days I will take the smash of towels and sheets out of her linen closet, and maybe I will find some decent fitted sheets.....maybe? But....NOT TODAY!

Nannie has already leaned her head back and closed her eyes, so in a short while I will be 'free' to putter about. I do have to do the sink full of dishes....dog food plates, Nannie's juice glasses, spoons, and my coffee cups, mostly. Even though I don't usually wear gloves to do the dishes, I'll have to dig out some gloves from under the sink, to cover the band-aids on my left middle finger. Not sure what I gouged it on, but there was suddenly a large blop of blood there. Anyway, band-aids are always difficult when they are on the tip of a finger, and I don't feel like getting them wet and having to change them again. But I am in no rush to do much of anything at the moment!

Tawk whichoos laydah!

londonflo · Dec 7, 2023

No Stars In My Eyes said:

Nannie has already leaned her head back and closed her eyes, so in a short while I will be 'free' to putter about. I do have to do the sink full of dishes....dog food plates, Nannie's juice glasses, spoons, and my coffee cups, mostly.

I realize I was a bit rough yesterday. I apologize But you may find a whole world out there that you can conquer. I have been a long time 'lurker' and want to join. I will need to be nicer, less judgmental in my comments I know.

Do you currently have space in your kitchen for a dishwasher? I bought a 1931 house with original stove, 50s fridge and no dishwasher. I thought I couldn't afford a dishwasher...I sold the house and the new owners didn't even blink before they put in a dishwasher......They made their life easier with a minimum of expense which will make the house more attractive to buyers. Which leads me to: Do you have ANY ownership rights to this house?: (any improvements need to come from the checkbook of the owner -- which may be Nannie)

1) who cleans gutters, leaf removal, ROOF REPAIRS,

2) who pays property taxes annually

3) maintenance of furnace - filter changes, annual maintenance

4) if the hot water tank fails - who pays for it.

5) Finally whose name is on the deed for the house?

Finally, A lot of 'family' are coming out of the woodwork to help...like giving Nanny a perm etc. You have not had any help for a long time, and this help is very welcome BUT be aware, while they have seen your tremendous struggles with your late husband and Nanny, there may be ulterior motives.

You have worked so hard, with so little recognition, no help, no praise, under the most difficult circumstances that you are seeing this is 'long time due'. Why are they so helpful now??

You have worked so hard in the last couple of years but it is time to 'look out for YOU'. Maybe a long term plan would be in order:

1) selling husband's and your personal property .Asking a third party to sell it and give you the 'value of it subtracting their work, costs and due diligence' can lead to you being 'ripped off'. Re. Selling the Ford to someone who towed it away - parts, and body work of an old Ford are extremely valuable to hobbyists Wasn't this the first piece to sell your BIL zeroed in on? Stop looking for the title. Duplicate titles are easy to obtain from the department of motor vehicles. .

2) Clarifying what each family member (this is tricky) expects when Nannie dies - including new 'guardianship' and get it in writing.

3) Keeping accurate records of the entire cost of Nannie's food (including meal supplements like Ensure)

4) does Nannie request the heat be higher? a breakdown of heating and air conditioning costs

5) bed pads, sheet laundering, hygiene products

Here I am again, being mean but you are too generous to many. Respond to me if you want more information on getting what you deserve and continue to deserve as a widow and caretaker of your mother-in-law.

nursej22, MSN, RN · Dec 7, 2023

I'm sitting in the waiting area of the surgical pavilion, waiting for sis to be dc'd. Doc said all went smooth, so hopefully we are out of here soon. No general anesthesia, no arterial access, so recovery should be short and sweet. We got here quite late due to sis oversleeping and horrendous traffic. Dh and I dropped her off, then got breaky. Then we spent the rest of the morning at an industrial history museum.
@londonflo, I've come to hope NoStars in-laws stayed away because her hubby burned bridges while alive. And now, hopefully they are stepping up. The Ford was in Nannie's name. And a lawyer is sorting out legal issues.
NoStars is overwhelmed with the thought of a smart phone, so her flip phone doesn't have a camera. I think eBay is a little too much to tackle.

No Stars In My Eyes · Dec 7, 2023

londonflo~

The house and property is still in Nannie's name. When she dies. she has left it all to me, since hubby was the first beneficiary but he's gone now. Everything that was to be his, is now coming to me, once Nannie passes. If I sell, or not, BiL is left 1/2 of 1 % of the value; he can buy me out or not. I don't think I will live here in this house forever, and many things could be done to update almost everything.

No space for a dishwasher in the kitchen, and actually, believe it or not, I do not want a dishwasher! The hot water is good for my arthritis in my right hand. And I get to look out into the large back yard when I stand at the sink. I gripe a lot, I know, but the dishes (and wastebaskets and trash) just seem to get fruitful and multiply on their own!

1.) Neighbor does the leaves and lawn. Haven't had to tackle the gutters so far this year. The roof is okay.

2.) Nannie pays the taxes on the house and property. (If one is a senior citizen the cost of the property tax can be cut in half, so it is not prohibitive.)

3.) HVAC is relatively new, and the maintenance is done by the company that installed it. It is still under warranty. I can change the two filters inside the house, and the company does anything else that needs doing, like q6/mos, on a routine basis.

4.) The hot water tank is brand new, and Nannie paid for it.

-----------------------------------------

1a.) The Ford is being 'adopted' by my nephew. It was in Nannie's name, and I don't care what they want to do with or about it. I really do not care at all. It ain't worth nuthin' to me! I'm just glad it's gone from the carport.

1b.) Our GOOD neighbor is selling the guns/ammo and I completely trust him with that, no question. When he sells something, he gives me cash, so far $600++. Other than the pipes, about which I will take your advice about looking up on line, hubby and I have no 'personal property' worth anything at all. Well, the big screen TV is ours, not hers. My car will be paid for in less than two years, and IT is also still under warranty. When the car's gas tank needs filling, whomever has the most in their checking acct gets to pay, and I am not going to try to figure out mileage! I am donating his cellphone to the armed services and the laptop computer to someone in need. My cellphone is an old flip-phone by my choice, and I don't think anyone would want it!

2.) I don't think there will be any 'guardianship' once Nannie dies. Her will leaves everything to me, and it is backed up in documentation by two doctors that when she changed her will seven or eight years ago, she was not mentally impaired. Both doctors and our lawyer are ready to stomp on anyone who tries to make a big deal over it or wants to change this.

2a.) I don't know what everyone expects when Nannie dies, but everything she has is going to be MINE. That is not to say I won't continue to be generous if there are some of her things other family members want. But there ARE things that I will sell, or if they want certain things, they can buy them just like anyone else would do.

3.) I am already marking the grocery receipts as to whose is what; but we share suppers so I don't know how you'd split that up. She pays for her own meds.

4.) Nannie is always wrapped in an array of sweaters and lap-robes, no matter the season. The furnace or AC. ....I'm the one who decides about what to set the thermostat on.

5.) There is a washer and dryer here, so the laundering is done 'on site'. I might push for a new set if she lives too much longer! That can be paid for like the HVAC was, out of her investments. Ditto for a new fridge. Nannie gets to pay for her own disposable incontinence products.

And finally, as a matter of fact, I DO have my antennae out at all times for possibilities of ulterior motives of the in-laws. And though I am civil. kind to them and I am by nature generous and not argumentative, I think they really do tiptoe around me, because they know they damn well better, BECAUSE I am a Yankee, I do know if I am being skunked. I do speak up, and I do know how to stand my ground.

And having said that, one of my favorite things to say when things get gommed-up is: "Throw it up in the air and whatever hits the ground first is what gets taken care of."

No Stars In My Eyes · Dec 7, 2023

j22- You are correct! The bad blood between hubby and his brother has nothing to do with me; I basically stayed out of it. If it had been up to me, it wouldn't have gone the way it did, but it wasn't 'my stuff'. // I HATE smaht-phones with a purple passion. // And YES about the Ford, the lawyer, and ebay!

toomuchbaloney · Dec 7, 2023

NSIME, it would be prudent to review the exact language of that will relative to the ownership of the house.

londonflo · Dec 7, 2023

No Stars.

Thank you for your reassurance. I hope you don't feel I was being a 'busy body'. I just want everyone to look out for their own interests.

My husband and I sell antiques and really enjoy it. We sell anything except guns and animals. Here is my last concern::

No Stars In My Eyes said:

Our GOOD neighbor is selling the guns/ammo and I completely trust him with that, no question. When he sells something, he gives me cash, so far $600++

Here is why husband and I avoid guns:

1) to buy a gun or negotiate a gun transaction you MUST have a FOID card both buyer and seller.(not 'I am going to get one, etc'). Felons most likely cannot get a FOID card and a felon does not always look like what we think a felon would look like.

2) the registration number of the gun must be recorded in the transaction and go onto any paperwork the government requires and get submitted to the government.

3) In my state there is a holding period from when the gun is sold to when it is released to the buyer.

4) you may want to call your local law enforcement agency to find out all the particulars of selling guns and compare notes with your friend. I am assuming these are legal guns with your husband's name attached

PS, regarding the car, if you still cannot find the title, get another one (easy to do) and make the new buyer sign it when you give it to them. Remove the licensed plate even if it is expired. If that car is in an accident (or gets a lot of parking tickets) the car will be traced to you and you probably will not have insurance on it.

I am sure I sound like I worry about every catastrophe coming my way. I don't (I did work 3PM tp 11PM for years - prime Judge Judy hours when I was in patients' rooms and listened to a lot of Judge Judy) so I have heard about how good intentions come back to bite.

No Stars In My Eyes · Dec 8, 2023

My good neighbor knows all about the ins and outs of legalities, selling/purchasing, fixing guns.

The car is/was Nannie's, the license plate has been turned in and the insurance cancelled, plus it isn't running, so can't be driven. I have nothing to do with the car, my name is not attached to it in any way. Hubby drove it when we first moved here, but in the past year or two, he only used it as a hang-out, like as an escape from the house Nannie, and, of course, a place to drink and store his vodka. It never left the carport until BiL had it towed to his house to work on.

toomuchbaloney said:

NSIME, it would be prudent to review the exact language of that will relative to the ownership of the house.

10-4 ! Gotcha! .....I will be "Prudence" ? Now, of course, I don't remember where I put Nannie's will! But I can find out about the exact wording to double-check about the house. All I remember is where it said BiL was left with 1/2 of 1% of the worth of the house and property.

So, lah-dee-dah, if this all goes kerwhacky I can always move to Florida where my friend (who gave me Momo) lives, if I need to. Don't care a thing in the world for living in Florida, but it's nice to know I have a sort-of Plan B.

OH! And I didn't mention this, but the other day she told me that she and her husband want to pay for Momo's spaying! I told her I will not turn that offer down!

Ima gonna hire y'all to be my legal-eagles! ?Thanks for looking out for me!

londonflo · Dec 8, 2023

No Stars In My Eyes said:

My good neighbor knows all about the ins and outs of legalities, selling/purchasing, fixing guns.

ask to see his FOID card in the nicest way. It is not an unusual request. Since your departed husband owned the guns, who is signing for him as a seller?

Tweety, BSN, RN · Dec 8, 2023

Stars, you don't owe anyone explanations on how you live your life.

londonflo · Dec 8, 2023

No Stars In My Eyes said:

I don't know what everyone expects when Nannie dies, but everything she has is going to be MINE. That is not to say I won't continue to be generous if there are some of her things other family members want. But there ARE things that I will sell, or if they want certain things, they can buy them just like anyone else would do.

You have NO idea how this will play out in real life, I went to one estate sale (got into line at 6:00 AM for an 8:00 opening) with 'antique friends' talking, joking etc, When I got into the house and picked up something, someone came from behind me, grabbed the item, said "I am family". He left with the item without paying.