This may be the weirdest topic ever , but bear with me

SmilingBluEyes · Jan 17, 2018

I am so sorry this happened to you. I was married once, and my husband cheated and impregnated another woman. He told me he cheated because I was "fat" and unattractive. Whuuuut? I was good enough to marry 3 years earlier and was the same weight then. He also physically and emotionally abused me to an extreme............But I digress.

I suggest talk therapy and counseling for you. You are having a horrible, difficult time getting over this relationship and it damaged your heart. One of my concerns is your lack of ability to carry out professional care in the face of such a "flashback" -----for lack of better words.

That is why I suggest your finding a therapist or counselor to talk it out and work on what is keeping you from moving on in a healthy way. I had to do it to get past my feelings of sadness, inadequacy and hatred of men. I really hated men for a couple years and refused to let any one get close to me for any reason. Dating was a nightmare until I got therapeutic counseling. But there is light at the end of the seemingly dark, sad tunnel in which you are now placed......

I am now happily married 30 years this year (YAY US!) to my best friend and love of my life. If I had not had therapy, I would probably be a bitter middle aged single woman without the kids and grandkids I cherish so deeply, and the richness such a great marriage and life have afforded me. I am blessed beyond measure and forgave my ex a LONG time ago. I wish him well, truly as he has been married 3 times now, and is "finding himself" in fundamental Christianity and ministry to bikers (he is an avid Harley enthusiast). Whatever works for him---I wish him no ill will whatsoever. I hope he's happy where he is at.

Really, it will get better but it will take work. You HAVE to remain professional on the job; that is non-negotiable. So get therapy asap.

I wish you well. My heart goes out to you as I was there myself, once, a very long time ago. The heart will heal, and so will the mind with time and effort.

AceOfHearts<3 · Jan 17, 2018

((Hugs))

Scent can be very powerful. I know certain smells take me back to certain times and places- not all that are pleasant.

Our emotions aren't always rational, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

It sounds like the relationship was not a healthy one and I know from experience seeing it in my family that the perpetrators in those relationships can be very manipulative.

I wish you the best and I hope you are in a better place. Like I encouraged my family memeber, I hope you seek counseling if needed.

umbdude, MSN, APRN · Jan 17, 2018

There's nothing wrong with you. Perhaps in some ways you are still grieving from loss of that relationship and that brought back on all the pain. Sometimes it takes a while to heal.

NewRN'16, ADN, RN · Jan 17, 2018

Thank you everyone for your input . Yes, I need to get counseling. :'( it is what it is, I finally realized how badly I just burrowed my pain , in a place which can so easily be found. I am making an appointment tomorrow morning.

:'(

I am so lost

SmilingBluEyes · Jan 17, 2018

I understand feeling "lost". You are, for NOW. But I assure you in the hands of a good marriage/family counselor, you will find ways to heal your pain and angst. Don't underestimate what such professionals can do to help you move on and work toward a happy, fulfilling life. If the first one you try does not jive with you, keep trying til you find one who does. I saw a therapist for YEARS after I had already married my current husband as I had such issues with abandonment, abuse, mentally and physically by not just my ex, but my own parents. If I had not sought help, I am certain I would be divorced today.

It saved my mental health, career, marriage and very life.

The sad fact is, you cannot hide or "burrow" your pain, as it will come out in ways like you just experienced. It's almost like PTSD. You have to deal with it or it will kill your joy and maybe your life.

Find someone today and please let us know how you do.

NewRN'16, ADN, RN · Jan 17, 2018

I understand feeling "lost". You are, for NOW. But I assure you in the hands of a good marriage/family counselor, you will find ways to heal your pain and angst. Don't underestimate what such professionals can do to help you move on and work toward a happy, fulfilling life. If the first one you try does not jive with you, keep trying til you find one who does. I saw a therapist for YEARS after I had already married my current husband as I had such issues with abandonment, abuse, mentally and physically by not just my ex, but my own parents. If I had not sought help, I am certain I would be divorced today.
It saved my mental health, career, marriage and very life.
The sad fact is, you cannot hide or "burrow" your pain, as it will come out in ways like you just experienced. It's almost like PTSD. You have to deal with it or it will kill your joy and maybe your life.
Find someone today and please let us know how you do.

Smiling, same thing happened to me , as far as abandonment by parents. I anchored myself to my ex as my only family, I was with him 8 years, he was my only family, the first time I felt safe and loved in my life. I threw it all away by not seeking counseling and dealing with my deamons. When he left me for someone else I completely understood in a way, because all I did was push him away, since I didn't think I ever deserved him.

I always seem to push everyone who cares about me away. It's so weird.

I will definitely try to get a therapist appointment this morning. Thank you for understanding