I started nursing school recently but I'm thinking of dropping out. I know its not the material because I have been willing to give up sleep and having a social life in order to study, but I still feel like this career is not for me. I haven't started clinicals yet but I don't know if I want to stay and try. My parents pretty much pushed me into this field when I started college and I just thought I'd do it for the money and job security. I figured it couldn't be so bad and I didn't have any idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I don't think I want to be a nurse but I feel like its too late to give up.
I'm 25 now and never had a job, except for one at McDonalds almost ten years ago. I started college about 3 years ago after dealing with depression and social anxiety. I would just stay at home and help around the house with chores and things like that. It was mostly due to PCOS which still makes it hard for me to leave the house because of the horrible symptoms I have. I have lost most of my hair and I have the facial hair of a man. Most people misgender me all the time, and now even in nursing school, my instructors give me these terrible looks because I can't hide my facial hair as much as I'd like to. I have to wear a lot of makeup to try and cover it, but it obviously isn't working. I think most people think I'm transgender because not that many people know about PCOS. I've been having anxiety attacks since I started nursing school and it's gotten so bad that I constantly have chest pain.
I'm thinking of quitting nursing school to get a retail job so I can have money to undergo electrolysis treatments and get rid of my facial hair. I am in so much stress because I know that will take a couple of years and I might be too old to start nursing school in a couple of years. I don't have anyone who will support me that long. But then I think I should stay and work hard, but its hard when I don't even feel comfortable talking to my instructors. I'm embarassed to ask questions because I'm always feeling judged. My parents act as if nothing is wrong, and I'm too embarassed to bring it up. They know I have PCOS and why I have the facial hair, and hair loss, but even they sometimes stare at the beard shadow I have, thinking I don't notice them. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so scared of quitting nursing school, but I am even more scared of staying in it. I feel like my parents will be so dissapointed in me if I tell them I'm going to quit, because I have no job or experience to fall back on.
Please help me, I am desperate. It will be hard for me to get a retail job because I'm 25, look like transgender woman and have no experience, but who will hire an RN that looks transgender with no experience? I'm afraid to stay in nursing school because of my appearance. How can I be successful, if I can't even go to my instructors for help? They give me these looks and stares like I'm a freak. If I talk to them, they'll look away, and answer my question to the classmate who's working with me. I can't even imagine how I'll be treated by them, the patients, or the hospital staff when I start clinicals. I can't afford electrolysis during nursing school so I don't know what to do. I should have started during my pre reqs but I didn't think it would be that big of a problem. Now I'm crying myself to sleep every night wishing I looked like a normal girl. Wishing all I had to worry about was an exam or something. I've even thought about switching majors but that'll take another 2 or 3 years. I'll be 28 with a degree I might not even find a job with. I'm basically depressed again and I feel like I can't take it. I'm on the verge of tears 24/7 but I just smile and act as if nothing is wrong. My family doesn't suspect a thing. They think I'm excited to be a nurse but it's killing me.
My parents think once I get my ADN, I'll automatically get a job. They keep telling me PCOS is nothing to be ashamed about and that no one notices my beard shadow. I wish that was true but its not. What should I do? I can't rely on my parents anymore, and they'll think its laziness thats making me quit. So what should I do? I really need help please
Ok, it's time to forget school for the moment and work on your physical and mental health. If your healthcare provider has the option, call an advice nurse and tell them about your feelings, they will refer you to a psychiatrist to get started.
I second taking online courses if posible while you get yourself healthy.
I'm sorry about how your parents reacted, but they must not understand. My parents don't understand depression either, they don't think it's real.
Please don't do that. Find yourself some mental health professional that will guide you towards self love, self care and learning to value yourself. I have a cousin who did what you just mentioned and now she is constantly in the hospital. She's had multiple surgeries. We don't even know if she was attempting suicide or just had a mental breakdown, but she is not in any better position for her bleach attempt. Whatever you're feeling is temporary and shall pass. You have the opportunity to stay in school or not. It's not worth taking your life. If your family isn't supportive then you need to make plans to remove yourself from any unhealthy situation. It sounds like you are being your own worst enemy and need to learn to befriend and love yourself. Whether or not you look like a man or woman to others doesn't matter. Exterior only gets one so far alone. It sounds like you must be pretty smart to finish your prereqs and get into a nursing program. Whatever you set your mind to will flourish. Just please steer away from suicide. It isn't worth it. Life goes on. No matter what situation you are in, life goes on. People stare if you're attractive or unattractive. Life goes on. You need to focus on your definition of success which should be maintaining a healthy mental health second by second then minute by minute eventually hour by hour etc. I'm sending you peace vibes and hope you are happy with your decisions. Just say no to suicide.
Thank you for your kind words. I'm still in the program but today I dreaded going to class. We have to bathe each other in 2 weeks and I'm scared. That's making me want to drop out because they'll remove my makeup and really see the beard I have. What do I do?
I've never heard of students bathing each other but in this link it says it's with shorts and tank tops on. Honestly, whatever perceived flaw we have, we have to accept it ourselves. Their opinion does not matter. If you don't freak out then no one else will either. Anyone who is cruel to you because of hair is just showing how ugly THEY are not you. I know it sounds easier than done, but you really have to have a level of idc when it comes to things like this. Otherwise you'll be self absorbed with your perceived flaws. There is much more to worry about than excessive hair.
soapfloats
25 Posts
Ok, it's time to forget school for the moment and work on your physical and mental health. If your healthcare provider has the option, call an advice nurse and tell them about your feelings, they will refer you to a psychiatrist to get started.
I second taking online courses if posible while you get yourself healthy.
I'm sorry about how your parents reacted, but they must not understand. My parents don't understand depression either, they don't think it's real.
Please seek help.
Best wishes.