They have won. I cried for the first time.

caliotter3 · Apr 11, 2009

Don't quit. You need some heavy duty rest and stress relief. Is there any way you can take off three days to coincide with your days off? You need to get plenty of sleep and get your mind off everything for a change. Then go back and tackle it again. Don't quit. Remember this is your job and there will be consequences if you quit or don't make it. Your husband is wrong about this one. Hang in there.

groovy jeff, RN · Apr 11, 2009

Sometimes life gets in our way and we have to back up and regroup. You have encountered a temporary bump in the road. Take a deep breath, get some rest, and go back to it. Just put your head down and keep moving forward in a positive direction. Focus only on what you have to accomplish for that day and keep going. The girls I go to school with talk about Dori, the fish with the amnestic disorder on "Finding Nemo"; you "just gotta keep on swimming". Were rooting for you; you can do this. :yeah:

johnst10 · Apr 12, 2009

I came here tonight because I need support and I don't know where else to turn. All of my usually support is dealing with outher major life crisises and or do not understand.
I am a new grad rn, nursing was my second degree and I truly want to be a great nurse. I started work on a SICU which has a new grad program to train us and appently test the hell out of us. We have several weekly online exams and a midterm and final.
We have at least 16 hours worth of class time a week, some of which is online modules - in order to do them right you need to spend more then the recommended alloted time. Then we work two 12s on the floor. I was thrilled to get hired at my hospital and into my program. But now I feel like it is eating my soul. I have nothing left.
I had two family health emergencies in the last three weeks and have continued to work and study and put in my best effort. Well this week I failed my midterm (which I get one more chance to pass or I get booted from the program). I worked an overnight last night, meet with my nurse educator this morning who told me about how dissapointed she was in me and how I should deciede if I can continue on the floor, came home took an online weekly exam and failed that also, then I slept for 3 hours, got up re-took the weekly exam only to have a computer glich which caused me to get a 28% - I spent hours on this and somehow only half of my answers were submitted.
I usually am a good tester. I rock on the floor and am really feeling like I'm starting to get it. But beacuse of my poor test preformance I may not get to stay.
Don't get me wrong I take full responsibilty for my failures and own them but God I only am one person. I just don't know how much more I can handle. I worked my butt off in school, studied hard for the NCLEX and now this.
My husband thinks my hospital and program are too hard and that I should quit. But that means giving up! But if this hell is really nursing made I should quit.
I know this is rambled I just don't know where else to go.
no need to reply, I just needed to vent.

I'm sure you have tried, but it sounds like some of your actitivities need to be reordered. I don't think that at my best I could have pulled an all nighter, gotten bummed out by my nurse educator then gone home and taken a test! I have never been personally involved it this type of training program but have had friends in them. It IS hard, exacting, exhausting, discouraging, frustrating...and then TA DA. It's over and you rock.

gwendolyn207 · Apr 12, 2009

You all are right. I will just lower my head and just keep going. Call me the salmon of the east coast at this point and I will just keep swimming upstream. I did get to caught up and tried to tackle everything at once, priorities and correct prioritizing would have helped -thanks for pointing it out johnst10 ... sometimes I can't see sun through the trees and I forget where I need to focus and how. The pressure just really gets to me after awhile. I got some sleep, ate and vented. that seemed to help but I still feel used up. I am going to try to find time for myself but it is hard, I think I will book a message for after the midterm on Thursday. Sounds stupid but until I re-test for the midterm on Thursday I feel like I need to spend as much time as possible on studying. I have started a study guide and organized what I actually need to study, so that is progress.

Just keep swimming, swimming... swimming. thanks for the little anthem groovy jeff. I have been humming it all day.

No more tears, I hope:)

rokclimbah · May 11, 2009

I'm in the same boat minus the extra schooling. I just got off SICU orientation a few weeks ago and it feels like they're waiting for me to fail - I dread it every time the educator comes by with, "I'm very concerned that..." Often I'm afraid to touch/turn/suction/etc my pt for fear of them coding - I still do, though.

I feel stressed, depressed, and my days off I feel like I'm just biding time until I have to go back.

Having said that, I try to look at the brighter side of things like 1) This is probably a time of growing pains and it will get better. 2) My jogging path takes me by a day labor employment center and I count my blessings that I don't have to get in line before dawn for a job that I may or may not get. 3) Even if I fail at SICU nursing, it's not the end of the world - there are other nursing options that pay the bills and allow me to live my life. In the end we all end up at the same place and it's just a matter of how much stress we choose to endure to get there.

Good luck and hope it gets better sooner rather than later, but chances are it will get better eventually.

littleneoRN · May 12, 2009

So, Gwendolyn? Wondering how things have been over the past month since you last posted!

gwendolyn207 · May 12, 2009

Well, I think things have improved but it depends on how you look at the situation. I did re-work my study and was more on top of things but then the issue came to light. After another week things continued to get worse and I continued to be singled out, lectured and made to feel incompetent. Other nurses on the unit talked to me and made it clear that it wasn't me it was this other nurse's issue and that she always has to make an example out of one of the new grads. After a lot of thought I started looking for new jobs and I found a position that I like and I decided to quit. I am much happier now and am enjoying my job. I guess I just wanted to enjoy my work rather then fight to work. I did talk to the person with whom I was having issues and while that improved the situation it had already colored what I thought of the hospital and unit. I guess you could look at it two ways, I could have stayed and tried to change the unit, hospital culture and person or I could leave and try to learn to be a great nurse without all of that extra pressure. I went for the easier way and I think for me it was the right way. If I wasn't a new grad I might have made a different choice but I am now sleeping well at night. I think this experience gave me great insight into the dirty side of nursing. I will try to avoid it in the future but when I am confronted with it again I will know it for what it is. I really do appreciate all of the support and it helped me get through this, thank you!

Becoming a nurse is one of the hardest things I have done and I love it.

I frequently find myself humming "keep on swimming."

Thank you!

criticalHP, MSN, RN · May 14, 2009

Gwendolyn,

Sadly your situation is not an unfamiliar one in nursing. The dirty side of nursing, as you so rightly called it, has been discussed for decades. Many well written articles and educational lectures have been given on the subject of how nurses eat their young (a phrase I personally dislike). The culture of nursing is changing in this regard, albeit and unfortunately for you, very slowly.

As a preceptor and educator I want to express to you how sorry I am for the way in which you were treated-these nurses were to be your colleagues after all.There seems to have been a severe deficit in support for new nurses in your hospital. ICU orientation is very long and hard, but it should not be a spirit breaker. Instead new nurses need to be nurtured, developed, and mentored.

Good luck to you-I'm glad you are sleeping now that you've found your Nemo!