The oh-so-common rude classmate(s)...

[ioiiipop01]

So, I am in my 6th week of a nursing program. Recently, we all moved into new seats but most people did not want to do that (director said it would let us meet and get to know others). No big deal for me. Then, low and behold, some of the students wanted to rearrange desks too. Ok, so they do that without permission. Then the whole 'not getting to sit where they want' conversation is started again. Move on to the end of the day....

I had to meet with the director of the program about some paperwork for a scholarship. While picking up my paperwork, I casually let her know that there would be a discussion the next day about the seating arangement, AGAIN! I was told thanks for the heads up. I also informed her of my own opinions of how class felt, like high school with all the drama and mouthiness going on. Nothing else said. Later in the evening at home....

I get an email from some students in my class. The short version of it says, "We know you went and tattled on us about the seating arrangements! You are a narc! Class could straighten it out themselves and you did not need to tattle! Mind your own business!" This was typed in all upper case letters and signed with names. Also, they made an email address just to send this to me.

So, now I am confused on what to do. I in no way 'tattled' on anybody and did not deserve any such email. I did not email the other students back and have not told the director of the program. I spoke with a friend in class and was told to not bring it to the director's attention. That it could possibly cause more problems. I did some research in the school handbook which said, "Any type of bullying or hazing is punishable by suspension or expulsion." I dont know if I should let this go and if they keep harassing me, let the director know. Or, if I should tell the director now. Or, should I confront the students (fyi, I have no proof of the students as it was a made up email and just signed with students names, no actual proof it was them).

What should I do?

P.S. I had to make a new name for this post. My other name gives away too many details on who I actually am.

[Clovery]

I don't think you did anything really wrong... but if I were you, I'd probably approach those girls and say something like "I'm sorry you feel that way, but it wasn't my intent to get you into trouble. I was just having a conversation with Ms. X and the topic came up. I think it's a minor issue and we all have more important things to worry about."

Then I would mind my own business. I don't think you were bullied. I could see how it could escalate into bullying, that's why I think you should just clarify the issue and express that you don't want to discuss it further. And then leave it alone, with them, your friends, your instructor.

In the future you should probably avoid doing something like that again. Not that it was wrong, but that's not exactly how you go about making friends and you will be with these girls for a long road ahead. Chalk it up to a misunderstanding and move on. If they continue with the immature BS, do your best to ignore them. Remember that you are expected to practice professional behavior in nursing school. Try to think about how you would handle a situation if it occurred at your job.

[ioiiipop01]

I understand what you are saying. I dont think I will bring any attention to it unless it continues to happen. But, just so everyone knows... these aren't 'girls'. More like the loud-mouth, whiny person in class and the older individual who is more than twice my age.

Also, they had no way of knowing my email address as the only people at the school who has it is the director and the financial aid adviser. How does that work?

[ioiiipop01]

Btw, hazing is harassment. And I think that is considered harassment.

[Lifeofanurse]

My advice: while you didn't do anything wrong...be cautious is the future.

It is way to early to be labeled a 'problem child'.

Just go with the flow. Ignore the issues in the class and stay out of anything that could be considered drama.

those that are trouble makers won't be around long and you don't need to be made the scapegoat for their poor behavior.

Keep your head down, fly under the radar and do what your told and you'll be okay.

[JenniferWilson74]

Wow, is all I have to say right now. First of all, it sounds as if your leadership is lacking, NOT YOU. How did these other persons know of said conversation, how did they get your email? These are all valid questions. My first intinct is that you are not in a very good program and that your instructors are not very professional. Keep your head down? I don't know. I agree and I disagree. I understand the need to "play the game" because my husband always reminds me of this. I'm one of those who likes to say what I think and it gets me in trouble. So, I'm learning how to not do this. Your situation is difficult because you are clearly, yes CLEARLY, dealing with bullies, and on a large scale. They are sending you messages stating that you "tattled on the seating arrangments." Something fishy is going on. This is not a situation of "don't be the problem child"... I mean, seriously, that sounds like the advice coming from someone who's significant other beats them. You are not the problem child, THEY ARE. That being said, if the professors in this situation are not professional, and they are not nurturing ethical and compassionate behaviors, then you really are fighting an uphill battle.

The choice then becomes, do you play the game with the set of rules you are given (by bullies and insecure professors) or do you stand up and fight the power. If it was me, I would play the game, and I would lay low, but it would not be because I didn't want to be the "problem child"... it would be because I am part of an F'd up system, and all I really want at this point is a degree and a liscense so I can move on with my life and become a productive part of society. My only other question being, is there another more reputable program you can become a part of? If not, do your best in this one, keep your head down, but NEVER lose who you are.

This is just what I think of course. I wish you well... let us know how everything goes.

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

I would act as if I never got the email or knew there was a problem. And then I would keep my head low, my nose clean and my mind on my school work. Not because you did anything wrong, but because you are only 6 weeks in and already having problems with this and nursing school is long, hard and too tiring for such dramatic, childish nonsense. It is in your best interest to just stop feeding that beast right now.

[Clovery]

In my first semester of nursing school, I had a "friend" who would bring her laptop to class, sit at the top of the lecture hall and be on skype, video chatting with her boyfriend. If someone left the room to use the bathroom, they would walk by her. So someone noticed what she was doing and informed our instructor after class. The next class we started with a lecture about appropriate use of computers in the classroom AND how we are to act as professionals now, and that involves minding your own business and not being a tattletale, unless someone is doing something that could possibly cause harm. We knew who told on her because she turned red and looked uncomfortable and embarrassed. My "friend" (I use quotes because I thought she was kind of flaky but she clung to me for nearly the whole semester) ended up flunking out. So these things have a way of self-correcting.

As far as how these students got your email... Did your instructor ever send out an email to everyone in the class? Or maybe there was a "contact info" sheet passed around? Is it a standard school email that is [email protected]? Regardless, I would do my best to put the whole situation behind you and not create more problems. Your instructor will not appreciate having to sort out drama among students. If it does escalate into bullying, threats, continued harrassment then I would file an incident report with campus security.

[heavencutstma32]

I would not respond back, print out the e-mail.. take it to your supervisor (supervisor - follow chain of command.. or director of the program since she was the one you let know about the problem), let to know of everything that happened. don't let those people get to you, you just remember you followed code, just to give a heads up about what was going on. sorry but no student is above a teacher/director of a program. if there is a problem, they should be notified about it. not, up to the students to fix themselves. just remember STUDENTS in that sentence. if they keep being rude and mean, then you just let them know, if they have a problem we can calm talk this out with somebody else present (like a teacher or something), if it keeps up, notify the person again about what is going on. don't let them get under your skin, ignore people like that.

act to them as if you never received the e-mail. if there is that big of a problem, they will let somebody superior know.

p.s. save a copy of the e-mail for yourself, and write down everything that happened (for your own records).

[anashenwrath, ASN, RN]

Wow, I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't get how people can be so petty over something so stupid!

I would just let it go. Unless your class is small enough that it really seems like the whole group is upset with you, then I agree responding with a SHORT, simple, nonconfrontational apology. Do not take the bait and start a flame war with your class!

It sounds like this was less bullying and more people venting (poorly and overly dramatically). However, if ONE more thing like this happens to you, I would suggest bringing it up with your advisor or counselor. You shouldn't have to feel like a pariah over something as minor as seating arrangements. As Cloverly said, you guys have more important things to worry about!

[chinacatSN]

I can tell you that I definitely know how you feel! Nursing programs differ from school to school, but from experience I have found that the nursing program (no matter which college you're in) is different than every other academic program - you have students who are just out of high school and students who are close to retirement age. There are a vast range or maturity levels. Also, many nursing students are competitive and somewhat anal-retentive. We have quite a few students in our program who are immature and act like children - and these students aren't the youngest in the class either.

My advice to you? The mature thing would be to approach these students. Don't reply back to the email - them sending you an email instead of talking to you face-to-face is very passive aggressive and immature. Approach them and tell them that you, in no way, "tattled" on them and you don't know where they got that information. You were just talking to the director and the subject was brought up and you mentioned that some people were upset about it. That's all. Then, tell them that next time they have a problem with you, they should take talk to you personally and that you would appreciate it if they would not send you anymore rude emails because that is harassment. Afterwards, write down everything that was said (by you and them) and date and time it. You will need your own record, just in case something is said. If they continue to email you or do anything that could be considered harassment, go to the director. Show her your records of the event if you have to. This way, it doesn't seem like you are running to the director every time someone irritates you.

That being said, if your program is anything like mine, you will probably have more immaturity in your future! I'm in the RN part of the program, finished the LPN part last May. Didn't have any issues in my LPN year - just a couple immature people, but nothing to get really upset about. This year, our class is a lot bigger and I swear, some people should really NOT be here. We had a seating issue too - only, we're not assigned seats. Everyone just sits where they want to, especially during the first week or two, when people are getting acclimated. Well, myself and 3 of my friends were sitting in the 2nd row of seats on day one. Then, one of my friends wanted to sit in the back row on day 2 so she could plug in her laptop. When all the students arrived, there was an endless amount of whining because we "stole their seats" and blah blah blah. And the students complaining were at least in their mid to late twenties. Seriously? Who cares about a stupid seat...they're all the same, you still get to sit by your friends...I just don't get some people. My point is, you'll probably have to deal with similar situations throughout your schooling, as there are always those few people who have to act like children. It's best to learn how to deal with it now.

[mangopeach]

I think everyone in this situation should grow up. I don't think there was a reason to report to the director that they were still discussing seating arrangements. So they wanna vent about it, let em. Seems like you were annoyed about that and had to do a little venting yourself. Now, what they did in return was dead wrong but in the future, I would mind my own business. If people want to vent, cry, let em. As long as its not affecting me, I really don't care.

Regarding the email. Since you don't know who sent it. I would just leave it alone. If you do, then I would say something to the sender. No need to get anyone else involved. You are all grown and should be able to hash out disagreements on your own. But yeah, in the future, if something is not affecting you, no point in making it an issue or even bringing it up to the powers that be, even in casual conversation.