The Nurse on the Other Side

[sheilagood52]

Me...the Patient

You thought I didn't notice the fake, tight smile you gave me, but I did. I heard the edge of irritation in your voice and saw the roll of your eyes as you turned away. And, for future reference, your mouth does funny things when you're biting your tongue.

I didn't hear the things you said to your co-workers as soon as you cleared the room, but I heard them in my mind as if standing next to you.

"God, the patient in 505 is intolerable." The others teetered as you described me.

"Bet she's a nurse; is she?"

I imagine you couldn't pull my patient record and demographics up fast enough in search of my occupation. You groan echoed loudly, "She's an MSN."

The others laughed at your misfortune and walked away.

You wrote your name on the whiteboard in my room with a flourish and told me to call if I needed anything. But, you didn't mean it. I saw the hurried and dismissive way you wrote resenting the nuisance board.

You checked the orders for the day, scanned the most recent labs for obvious outliers, made a note of the meds to dole out, and moved on. You didn't delve into my history, or the reason I ended up in the emergency room; you didn't have time. Yet, discovering I was a nurse, made you cringe.

Am I Your Worst Nightmare?

I'm your worst nightmare or so you say; right next to the physician-patient, you had last week. I'm your patient and I hold a master's degree in nursing. I know things, lots of things about medicine, the role and responsibility of nurses, and more about the disease ravaging my body than most physicians. Knowledge is a powerful thing, and, yes, sometimes too much is a dangerous thing. Physicians see me occasionally and this is my first encounter with you, but I live with the complications of my illness every day. If I had to choose, I'd take more knowledge over less any day.

But, why does finding out I'm a nurse, bring out the worst in you? Why the snippy attitude or rolling eyes? Why should I hide the fact I'm a nurse? We're supposed to be kindred spirits.

I'm not here to grade your performance or make you feel, whatever you're feeling. I'm here to get well. A little compassion from one nurse to another will go a long way in making that happen.

I no longer practice nursing, not in an official capacity, but I remember what inspired me. I wanted to be like Florence Nightingale, help the sick, cure cancer, or the next big disease threatening to wipe out humanity. I had big plans. I'd advocate for my patients, unique in their illness and they would remember me with fondness. Although my career was cut short, I still maintain my license and keep up with medical practices. Nursing is a way of life for me. It's who I am.

The Healthcare System

The whole health care system is unrecognizable to me these days. Nurses are still overworked and underpaid. Electronic charting and medical records have nurses spending more time in front of the computer than at the bedside, and patient care has become check-offs on a computer screen.

Remember the lab values I asked about?

"They were normal," you said. Did you bother to review the pattern of my previous labs? No, you evaded my questions and became annoyed. If you had, you would've realized they weren't normal, not for me. One size does not fit all.

To you, I'm the pain in the *** nurse-patient in room 505, but this is my life, my body, and my pain. I should have a say; I've earned it.

One day you will be me, the nurse on the other side, receiving instead of giving care. Tired, sick, and afraid, the truth of who you are will slip out as your own knowledge compels you to ask questions and push for answers. Clinging to the last bit of control you have, you'll pay attention to the care you receive as never before. Once a nurse, you're always a nurse.

That time will come faster than you can imagine. When it does, you'll want a compassionate nurse. One, who listens, answers questions, takes your concerns seriously, and treats you with the respect every nurse deserves no matter her age or circumstances, not one who rolls her eyes in impatient mockery.

[sheilagood52, ADN, BSN, MSN, RN]

Thank you for reading and making such positive comments. And, you are correct, humor helps alot.

[sheilagood52, ADN, BSN, MSN, RN]

Thank you for reading and commenting. I need to set the record straight, however, on one of your statements. I never referred to nurses as,"secretaries." I mentioned that with electronic charting, nurses spend more time in front of the computer than at the bedside.

My article was in no ways meant to denigrate nurses. It was to bring attention to a behavior which happens and all too often.

[sheilagood52, ADN, BSN, MSN, RN]

I'm sorry you have experienced, "mistreatment and invalidation from physicians and nurses." No one deserves that kind of treatment. One thing I have learned to do for myself is to speak up for yourself. That is exactly what I'm doing with this article. Best of luck to you. I wish you good health for the future.

[sheilagood52, ADN, BSN, MSN, RN]

Of course you aren't wrong. I never meant to imply that this behavior is, "across the board." I'm happy to hear that you make the effort to treat all patients equally and I hope writing this article will make all nurses take a step back and think about this issue. Thanks.

[sheilagood52, ADN, BSN, MSN, RN]

Well, you sound like a nurse willing to listen. It's funny how when someone doesn't like the message, the best they can do is launch an attack at the messenger. You are definitely not the nurse, I want in my room caring for me. You just proved my point.

[sheilagood52, ADN, BSN, MSN, RN]

I'm sorry that happened to you. Continue to do what is right for your well being and speak up. Best of luck.

[sheilagood52, ADN, BSN, MSN, RN]

First of all, of course I've had a bad day at work. I've been one of those overworked and under appreciated nurses. I've experienced days where I didn't have time to pee, much less, eat lunch or take a break, and I've had patients from hell.

I do not suggest "nurses and other professionals are entitled to better care." But I was surprised at your question. "What do we actually owe our clients in terms of our emotions and attitude? We're there to provide nursing care." I don't worry what the general public thinks of me. I never aspired to be a "selfless angel of mercy." I aspired to be the best nurse possible and to provide patient care with a good attitude and steady emotions, whether I felt like it or not. Patients deserve that from their nurse. Thanks for jumping into the conversation.

[hawaiicarl, BSN, RN]

I love your post OP. This can be so true. Personally I try to tailor my interactions with patients to their baseline knowledge of hospitals, and their condition. I do not walk into a patient's room who was a nurse for 45 years, and explain I am going to take her vitals now, I would find that insulting if it was me. If anything I tend to rely on the patient/nurses assessment skills, because they know what is their norm, and what feels wrong. Ex. I find a systolic murmur, "You have a history of a murmur? Ok good, you still have it whew!" Personally I am planning on being the worst patient imaginable, God forgive that first nurse who tries to bathe me at 0300 in the morning, because she needs to chart a daily bath. Bedpans gonna be flying!

Cheers

[Emmysue]

I read the article. I read many of the responses.

In 2012 I had a lumbar laminectomy involving 3 vertabrae. Because I live alone I didn't go home until my 5th post op day. I found that my normal vocabulary immediately identified me to everyone as a nurse. There is no anonymity.

I am a 3 year program graduate as almost all of us were in the 1950s. I never too a college degree but in our 3 year programs, which involved a 40 hour week and a 50 week year, we put in more hours than are currently put in by our BSN grads. I found that one could tell whether an older nurse was a recent grad or and old school nurse almost as soon as she/he entered the room. Old school came straight to the patient. More recently educated went straight to whatever machine was in use. Seems to me that something is being lost in nursing education these days.

Just for the record; I went to work as a nurses aid when I was 15. Went into nursing school at 17 right out of high school. I worked in one area after another and took about 19 years off to stay home with my kids and went back to work when my daughter went to college. I retired in about 1995 and will be 80 in November. And as I look back, I think we are losing some of the heart in nursing as our new grads have less and less patient contact time while in school.

[uniquenurse2014]

I have had both good and bad experiences being a patient. Earlier this year when I was in hospital after having my daughter my BP skyrocketed and took almost two weeks before it went down. My daughter was in the Nicu as well and I was confined to bed rest so had to express breast milk to give to her. The nurses were generally nice to me and I did not mention that I was a nurse because I believe its irrelevant to patient care.Some nurses found out however and treated me oddly and it was even worse when they found out I was a critical care nurse. I don't know what documentation was done because many never assessed me.

My best care came from the LPNs on the unit as most were international nurses like myself. One night I asked RN assigned to me to take the EBM(expressed breast milk) to the Nicu as that was the unit's policy and she told me the most she could do is place it in the refrigerator. I told her the baby was to be fed at 2am and needed the milk for that feed. This was at 12am in the morning . My blood pressure was 172/104 and I was sore and in pain.I had been feeling dizzy all day but I got out of bed and walked down the corridors alone so my baby could get her milk and prayed.My husband is also a critical care nurse and was at work and was livid when I recounted what happened. The nurses in the Nicu were also quite upset as they knew I was supposed to be on bedrest. Now this RN came on duty she knew my reason for being there was for uncontrolled BP and she did not do one BP for the 12 hours even though I had two machines in my room and never assessed my pain. I had to be the one that night reminding her about when my medications were due. I monitored myself that night. After that I didn't want anything to do with her because I could not believe a human being could be so uncaring and negligent.

When she initially came my room at the start of the shift she was saying how tired she was as she just flew in from Las Vegas. Who cares? The funny thing is she was the nurse that night with the least patients, only two and all I required was BP monitoring and analgesia as this was my second day after my c-section.

It made me think of all the things I have gone out of my way to do for patients that aren't even my duty just to make them comfortable and facilitate their recovery. My husband did inform the unit manager about the occurrence and I am sure she was surprised when they informed her who I was. We both worked for the same employer so I'm more than familiar with the policies on various units so that's why her refusal to assist me was so upsetting. I could have gone much further and report her to the Board but I didn't. This was my first time in hospital and I do hope I never have another experience like this.

[uniquenurse2014]

Even though I graduated in 2005 from nursing school my program was quite similar to yours. We only got two weeks off per year, one in the summer and one at Christmas. I have gone on and done my BSN and now doing my MSN. I have preceptored nursing students and there is a lack of caring behaviors in many. Your post made me think of a clinical exam I was conducting and I discontinued the exam and failed the student because she shouted at the patient and was outright rude to him just because he was homeless. I was shocked and her behavior and her school referred her to do modules on interpersonal communication and professionalism.

[hawaiicarl, BSN, RN]

I love your post OP. This can be so true. Personally I try to tailor my interactions with patients to their baseline knowledge of hospitals, and their condition. I do not walk into a patient's room who was a nurse for 45 years, and explain I am going to take her vitals now, I would find that insulting if it was me. If anything I tend to rely on the patient/nurses assessment skills, because they know what is their norm, and what feels wrong. Ex. I find a systolic murmur, "You have a history of a murmur? Ok good, you still have it whew!" Personally I am planning on being the worst patient imaginable, God forgive that first nurse who tries to bathe me at 0300 in the morning, because she needs to chart a daily bath. Bedpans gonna be flying!

Cheers