I am an educator in an academic setting. Therefore, I am constantly surrounded by the 'don't give up' mentality. For those who are not familiar with what goes on behind the scenes in academia, there are certain expectations to keep your job and to be promoted. Each year, you are reappointed (or not) based on your contributions to the department, the college and the world of nursing. It's not just about lecturing and clinicals. Serving on commitees, student advisement, college service (with students), and then the nerve to ask me what service I do in the community. Then there's publishing and presentations. I know there is the perception by some that educators live 'the good life'. Weekends, holidays and summers off. No nights, no overtime. I feel like I never stop working. My life is in a perpetual holding pattern. Then, I spend most of my summers preparing for the following academic year (I am the coordinator of the course I teach). It flies by and nothing else gets done.
Then there's the expectation of obtaining a doctorate degree. So of course,I went for it. I am currently enrolled in the program, and am drowning. Long story short: I don't want to do it anymore. Could I keep going this way? Sure I could, I see the people around me doing it. That was my attitude all along... if they can do it, so can I. But I am coming to the realization that I don't want to. I'm tire of ignoring my family, my home and being generally stressed or irritated because I am thinking about how much work I have to do. I am (relatively) a newlywed (remarried) and have a teen-aged child, who, in no ti will be off to college. I'm tired of living my lie in front of the laptop instead of enjoying life. And for what? Look up educators' salaries (if you're one of my new grads, you're making more money than I am).
My point is this: I have decided to not continue in the program. I have mentioned to a few people that I was considering quitting. Maybe it's the word 'quit' that rubs people the wrong way. Or 'giving up'. It suggests that you're a failure. I've already heard "don't give up, you can do it', or 'don't let them get the best of you' (just like I here my students telling each other, when they are overwhelmed and failing). Is there never anyone in nursing school (at any level) that decided this is not what they want? I know there are students I teach that are there because someone (their parents, spouses, employers) thought it was a good idea So I'm torn: I want to just say to those who will ask (like my boss, the director of my doctoral program, and colleagues who are incredibly goal oriented and judgmental) that I don't want to do it. But it sounds like I am lazy and don't care as much about my future as I should. The truth is, right now I don't. I care more about my own health and well being, and my family's happiness, and actually making more money (my job and education choices have put a damper on our finances, and I do not have the time to work per diem or adjunct). But that won't go over very well, will it?
(if you're one of my new grads, you're making more money than I am).