Surviving Nursing School and Marriage

edatri · Sep 10, 2012

I think you need to sit down and have a talk about what is expected from each of you so there is no misunderstanding or resentment. You really need a supporting family, especially husband, to succeed. My husband knows the hours I have to put in, not just in scheduled classes and clinicals, but also extra time in nursing lab and all that reading. Emphasize that the end goal of nursing school will benefit the whole family. My husband cooks (packs my lunch every day, too), cleans, and watches the kids. I give him an hour or two break when I get home and clean up the dinner dishes then I'm studying (usually while riding my exercise bike, trying to multitask!) until bedtime. Sure, he does vent from time to time, especially since I have a 9-2:30 class on Saturdays so the kids are not in school. That's when I pull out those therapeutic communication techniques and just listen. Don't forget to ask him how his day was to show that you care and appreciate what he is doing.

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Sep 10, 2012

Did I get this right? He is working nights and trying to take care of small kids when he should be sleeping? That's a recipe for disaster. If you can't arrange another childcare solution that would enable him to sleep, I would advise you to re-think the whole venture until the kids are old enough to go to school. It isn't worth it to sacrifice your marriage/family for school.

bear14 · Sep 10, 2012

I don't have class till late afternoon so he has the day to sleep. My oldest is in third grade so she's in school. My son is 4 and is in school three days a week but only one day is a full day. I'm home during the day with him so my husband can sleep but it's the whole sleep schedule thrown off. I've kept my mouth shut about him being tired bc I know he's doing this for me. I snapped about him not taking care of himself and complaining somethings hurting him all the time and blames it on stress. he doesn't eat healthy, smokes, and is a big coffee drinker. I cook dinner and try to have healthy stuff in the house but he doesn't like it. I've tried to talk to him and apologized for snapping.

bear14 · Sep 10, 2012

I also ask how is day is everytime he gets home.

medic9872 · Sep 10, 2012

Honestly if he's not supportive it can cost you your marriage. My first marriage fell apart when I was in paramedic school. He was resentful that he had to take a larger role in parenting and had to work more since I was no longer working so much overtime. I hope it works out for you. There isn't much worse than finding out that your spouse really isn't supportive of you and your goals.

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bear14 · Sep 10, 2012

He has been supportive and was one of the people that pushed me into going back to school it's just a huge adjustment for both of us.

alovelymother · Sep 10, 2012

I think it's probably important that you be more understanding as well. I like the idea about discussing expectations of one another.

Ginnym1981 · Sep 10, 2012

Wow, this post makes me realize how lucky I am to have my fiance because he's been picking up all the slack and financial responsibilities since I started nursing school and I don't think I've been showing my appreciation enough lately.

In your situation, I think it's good that your recognizing that a change may be needed for both parties.

What I would suggest is for you both to make a list of what your spouse does that you are thankful for, your current stressors/issues (using the word "I" and not the "You" so the other person doesn't feel attacked) and how the other person can HELP with those stressors and what you guys each need from each other to get by.

If it's time alone. Sit down with a calendar and write it down and KEEP it. Plan your studying knowing that this night is a NO study night and enjoy your spouse.

The reason I suggest writing it down before sitting down to discuss it is to keep the conversation on track and prevent one another from wording something in a way that causes the other to get defensive.

As far as childcare, do you have anyone that you could possibly trade daycare with a few days a week so in turn both families benefit from some time off (and won't cost either of you money?)

Look into childcare grants. I live in Oregon and I found a childcare grant that I applied for and received during most of my schooling (my son is now old enough to stay home a few hours a day by himself if need be) I just found it by googling.

If you guys can't come up with a solution then I would try to talk to your school counselor or dean about taking a leave of absence until your 4 year old is in school or until you can save up some money for childcare so your husband can work regular hours (if it's an option)

Good luck!

Red35 · Sep 10, 2012

I love this forum!!!!

I'm starting nursing school next month and I just had the talk with my spouse. We wrote down who will do what. We don't have kids but we have a house to maintain and our pets. I know it's a huge adjustment as I'm a morning person while the spouse is a night owl.

I'm going to school 5 days a week for 6 hours a day..We both understand failure is not an option for me..I feel bad for the next two years I'll contribute nothing financially and our $ situation will be tight, but it's my goal and if I succeed, we both succeed.

RachelZ0918 · Sep 10, 2012

I do not have kids but my 2 year wedding anniversary is coming up in a week. My husband works 7p-7a as a nurse and I go to school during the day and have clinicals. Luckily, I have his support and since he has also gone through this, he understands. Its rough not having the time together and we bicker when we are both stressed or sleep deprived. Try to make time for each other, even if its just an hour or 2 or have a date night once a week or every other week if possible (even once a month!) Its not going to be easy and it will take work to have a balance of home life and school.

alyiana · Sep 11, 2012

Don't give up. That's the #1 piece of advice. Don't give up on your marriage #1 or school #2. Remember this is only temporary, and remind your husband that too. It may be rough for the two of you, but don't let anything go because in the next year or two when you finish school things will be easier. Not only will all your children be in school full time, you will have a job, and he can go to a regular scheduled job, and you will have increased (maybe double) income to afford things like childcare.