Support Stickie for New nurses who are not coping

[madwife2002]

I have read through lot of threads recently regarding new nurses who feel they are struggling and not coping with being an new RN. So I thought it would be good to start a support thread where all new nurses could post about their feelings and experiences. You are not alone, all new nurses feel this way and if they dont I would be extreemly concerned.

[Mahage, LPN]

Student2Regstered and Calypte and anyone else out there pounding away....."It does get better!" Nasty Nellies will continue to be Nasty Nellies but when they see you aren't going anywhere, that you learn from your mistakes and that you will not allow yourself to be made into sausage without bitting back, they will find another target. There will stll be people in a foul mood and those who hate to come to work and lash out at anyone and everyone.:argue: Part of the problem is that we work with so many varied personalities. This morning I gave report to three differnt nurses. I try to always be organized and have my report together so that even the pickiest of them can't find any questions which I can't answer but unfortunately this A.M. I had a doc in, writing orders on all 3 patients and between consulting with the doc at last minute and taking off orders, I did not have a well organized report ready for the very nice young lady relieving me. :imbar This was embarrassing and had I been giving this report to Nasty Nellie, it would have resulted in hard feelings. I don't like to be caught in that situation but it happens. I try to give good complete concise information. I don't like to leave without having everything done, and I pride myself on that!

The unit clerk from days came up to me this morning with a hand full of rounds report and said to me, "Ladies, the rounds reports are supposed to be IN the chart!" I smiled at her and said calmly, "Well I do believe mine are in the chart, I could be wrong, but I do believe they are in the chart." "Yep, Yep, mine are in the chart!" When I was a new grad she would have hurt my feelings, but no need, I was on top of it! I have been at it a little over two years and I learn loads every shift. I try to make a learning op out of the most negative situations, and I take responsibilty for MY mistakes but I don't hold myself responsible for being perfect. My job is to do the best I can do, and I am able to do much better today than I could at 6 months and hopefully I will be much better in year 4 than now.

I used to cry daily, on the inside, though I wouldn't let anyone see me. The other day I lost a patient that I was not prepared to loose,(first time) we did everything we could to save him, and I let everyone see me cry. The support I got from my coworkers was fantastic.:redbeathe Even one of the not so nice coworkers on my shift offered to help me out with my other patients.

It gets better, keep on keeping on!

Mahage

[Student2Registered]

Thank you!

[careerchg09]

So grateful to have found this outlet. Having been successful at my career before the change to nursing school and RN, its very hard to stand on such shaky ground for so long. I think I have nailed down what I dislike most about being new- letting other people down. Whether its a patient that I felt that I couldn't get to do all of the care that I wanted to do or had to do (meds arrived late, or orders weren't picked up before shift end) or more importantly, the nurses that I give report to. I find that my tears well up when I feel like people are ****** off at me or get angry at what is left for them to do. I've had the experience of the crabby "seasoned" RN complain about unsigned orders I left on a chart to another RN on her shift...in front of me. And after I left feeling like ****, I took care of her patient's on another morning. Her patients had meds on their bedside table- that turned out to be for other patients- things she had obviously not administered. Then another patient had two nitro dur patches on- the ones that are supposed to come off at night (so in total three shifts had missed the patches- two of which were hers). The moral here is I have been able to brush her off for the lazy crabby person that she is. Its the nurses that are kind and patient to me- who just end up having to tie up the loose ends that I feel so bad about. I have heard through the grapevine that certain nurses have made it known that they believe no new grads should be hired to the unit (med/surg/tele/step down). Then there are those who sigh when you tell them that the patient's IV site is no good and they have to start it for you. In some ways I feel like its unfair. Its unfair to them. They already have their plates full, but what am I supposed to do if I can't get it done on my shift?

But most importantly, how do you let it go? I rethink and rethink these comments and expressions of dissatisfaction with the level of nursing I am able to provide and land all over the place: maybe I shouldn't be a nurse on a floor, maybe I shouldn't be a nurse on this floor, maybe I don't deserve to be here, maybe I shouldn't be nursing, maybe I should have been more prepared and I should demand more orientation. And what part of this is caught up in my ego and what part is just not comfortable being the focus of dissent.

[CodyRN]

I think that learning how to let it go is the hardest part, especially when you are used to being a person who is on top of things. Being in that place of uncertainty and the sense of being overwhelmed and feeling like you are letting people down in the worst feeling. Hang in there, I know I am trying to, but each day is different. Some days I feel like maybe I can make it and other days, I just don't know how I'm going to face tomorrow. I am fortunate that I have a very supportive management and a great hospital to work for and great coworkers but sometimes I wonder if I disappoint them, will they eventually lose patience with me?

[MUNewgrad]

I guess I am having a multitude of issues.

I graduated in May with my RN and got my license in July. I am working on a Med/Surg (Ortho-Neuro) floor @ nights but I am having some serious problems.

First, my department is very clicky and I am not dealing with that well. As well as I have confidence issues and need some advice on how to improve on that.

Also, I just had a pt. refuse my care, causing me to doubt basically all of this, so I need some guidance.

Thanks :)

Eeek! I feel ya on the confidence thing, for sure, and the clicky unit. I am in a rotation program and move from one unit to another after 8 weeks, which is just about the time that I start to feel like I might be able to fit in, one day. I started working in July and passed my boards on August 1st. I feel that there have been so many things that have happened since right before graduation that have contributed to my lack of confidence. I always thought I was confident and it surprises me that my confidence that I carried all through school has deteriorated so much. I don't see my classmates going through this, which makes it even worse. It sounds like we are having a lot of the same issues. I don't know how to make it better. I just wanted to reply because I could relate. I guess time will help, and finding others who feel the same, definitely makes me feel better. It's nice to have someone to relate too, instead of feeling so alienated. Good luck to you. Hang in there!!

[MUNewgrad]

wow. i thought i was the only one.

help. i'm not doing well and I don't know what to do. First time poster.

I graduated cum laude and sigma theta tau, 2 months ago. I was hired onto an elite unit in critical care and was so happy and excited. Within my first 30 days, I was disciplined for problems with multitasking and making mistakes on my charting. However, I get consistent praise from patient families and high marks on communication skills with families and doctors. When a new preceptor scared the pants off me, I just couldn't do anything right. It's as if the fear of demonstrating my skills in front of her wiped my memory out completely. It was a day from hell. I made a critical mistake and hung a drug incorrectly. Right rate, wrong line. No harm came to the pt but the preceptor wrote a 2 page documentation regarding her concerns of my ineptitude. I'm shattered. I seem to do well with learning when I kept the same preceptor and had time to think before acting. WHen I was told that I am not going to make it if i can't be safer, faster and with better documentation, my heart just started sinking. I'm a second degree BSN with prior experience in technology, sales and health education and I"ve never felt like such a failure. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I feel depressed. i'm on the verge of tears about feeling so stupid. The CNS has written a plan that I am to follow to improve or ... there's not be a mention of what "or" is but i assume it's being fired. It's entirely possible that this unit was too complicated for me as a graduate without any prior hospital experience but i feel so trapped. I don't know what to do. Do I continue to try and do my best? Do I agree with my preceptors assessment and leave before orientation is over to try and get another unit job that is less acuity/ more repetitive? Will I be left without an opportunity to transfer?

My CNS says my alternatives are to stay and try harder, leave the unit and apply for other jobs in the org ( would i get even a recommendation?) or to quit altogether.

I'm getting so depressed. I am trying so hard. I feel like such a failure.

I have problems with organization when faced with a new type of patient or experience.

Can anyone help me? I have noone to talk to.

I am seriously considering leaving nursing The very thing that drew me to it was seeing nurses transform my family when my mom was ill. I vowed to be a compassionate advocate for patients and their families. Being with them has always been the best part of any day. But not if i can't be safe. Not if i could harm someone. I couldn't live with myself.

help?

Curious, what did you end up doing? I hope that you found somewhere that you felt that you could provide good, safe care and that the org helped you do so..please, tell me what happened.

[shoegalRN, RN]

I'm so glad this stickie has been posted. I just made a post today entitled "I want OUT!" because that's how I feel about nursing in general.

Right now, I'm up and worrying about the next time I work. I'm so scared of being off orientation and worrying if they are gonna kick me out of the ICU or worse, fire me.

Before going to work last week, I vomited. I cry constantly at home and at work in the bathroom. I'm really starting to wonder if nursing is for me.

But I have decided to stick it out for the next 7 months. I am NOT a quitter! I WILL get through this, hell or hot water.

Once I get my year of experience, I will be looking for another area of nursing.

[careerchg09]

I think its incredible the place that we all are in. In response to your post, bluelou, I can relate to the point you make about family/ md interactions. I cherish the hugs I get from family members that thank me for the care that I give to their loved one, the ones who do well, and even those who pass away. I sometimes find solace in the fact that I have, so far, remained faithful to the real care for the patient and take pride in the fact that I hold the patient's hands while I speak with them- give them the five minutes of undivided attention that no other nurse before me has done. I may not be able to start their IV line yet but I can hold their hand and help their spirit as the medicine around them tries to heal their body. I realized tonight- after a particularly crappy shift which almost brought me to tears mid-shift- was that the organization I work for actually DE-values those types of moments- the hand holding stuff. It is seen as an infringement on me getting my job done (i.e. documenting) which translates into me getting out on time and not earning any overtime on their watch. I'm admittedly bad at getting my documentation done on time and have yet to leave my shift any less than two hours after my shift is supposed to end. I'm still struggling with finding MY system. And have realized that in the last month I spent 2 weeks trying as best as I could to work my preceptors system, and the next two weeks realizing that I have to unlearn that system and create/teach myself something all together different. But who, as a new grad, has the nerve to admit that what they were taught simply isn't any good. I guess I still struggle with whether teh system she uses isn't any good (for me) or I'm just not good enough to be able to use it. Whichever, its a hard place to be. And I feel alone too. Because of the struggles I have with my preceptor's system I feel like I can't go to her. Because I have a prize position I feel like I can't turn to other rn's (new grads or not) to admit I'm struggling. And because I don't want to admit my inadequacies (real or perceived) I don't feel comfortable going to my manager. Its a crummy place to be in right now. Really crummy. I'm grateful to have two days off to digest it all.

[TLaine, RN]

I also work on a cardiac intermediate care unit and I feel the same way. I have been a nurse for 7 months and I dread going to work. Most of the nurses are helpful but there are some that make me feel like a complete idiot and one even went to my manager. I have heard that you should stick it out on you first floor for a year before you move but I'm getting really discouraged. Any advice?

[PeaceonearthRN]

All of this sounds very familiar. There is no shortage; just a shortage of patience, support and education. Remember, medicine is business these days.. and it's a rare institution that practices otherwise.....sad, frustration, discusting. Follow the money trail!

[momof3RN2B09]

Hi, first let me say, this thread has been a huge encouragement for me! I'm not the only one:)! I am a new nurse, graduated in May 09 and started working in June 09 on a cardiac/telemetry floor. My support has been wonderful(not the docs of course), management on my floor is really great and, all in all, I feel like I'm in a safe environment to learn. I, however, am struggling with several different aspects of my job and am wondering if anyone has some insight from personal experience. First, I have three very busy children(ages 12,9 and 8) and have been really struggling with keeping my priority's as a mother in balance. Even though I "only" work 3-12s per week, I feel like I am gone all of the time. I do have 2hr commute each day, so that adds to my time away from home also. My struggle is with things like, homework, teacher conferences, sick kids, basketball games, 12 yr old needs to talk about friend issues, kids haven't had a single vegetable at dinner all week, etc, etc. I feel like I am not able to maintain my children and family as the PRIORITY. Combine these concerns with the fact that I feel no "calling" to this particular area of nursing(I took the job that was available) and you can imagine my frustration. I too experience all of the other symptoms of first year nursing, like: not sleeping well, upset stomach on my way to work, wondering if I'm cut out for this, crying to my husband when docs are hateful, etc., but I feel like every day I am better learning to cope with these issues. My main concern is, should I, at this point in my life(family focused) be looking into another area of nursing, or will I find a way to balance it all? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

[pepperanne7]

:):heartbeat Thank you all for being so supportive! What we do is so hard and demanding on our bodies and minds. Add crazy families, bow tie wearing "hitler" MD's, estrogen, sharp tongues, and chaos.

Even though its been rough, I have learned so much as a new nurse. It truly has been a humbling experience. Sure, some days I would like to scream: "I quit! You suck"! at some of my peers,but the truth is I love nursing. I am so blessed to have the opportunity to care for someone in their darkest hours. The pressure is heavy, and often times I feel like we have to be super human. Human error should not be part of our genetic make, but of course when I make mistakes I have a hard time giving myself a break, could it be that we are our harshest critics?