I am a new graduate RN. I graduated in the Spring, passed my NCLEX, and am currently looking for a job. A little background, I never wanted to be a nurse. However, I do LOVE helping people. I was forced into pursuing nursing by my parents who basically threatened me when I came to them sophomore year of college saying I was extremely unhappy with my major and wanted to change it. Ever since sophomore year of college, I have basically been guilt tripped into continuing and finishing nursing school to please my parents and other family members. However, at this point it is taking a toll on me. I'm emotionally drained and depressed and can't keep faking it. Getting out of bed is so hard and finishing my applications for jobs is even harder. I am not excited about getting a job especially because everything available for new grads is hospital related.
I know the hospital is NOT for me. During nursing school, my autoimmune disease would flare up from the stress and anxiety. I spent every night before clinicals crying myself to sleep and tossing and turning in my bed... unable to sleep from the extreme anxiety and panic attacks. Then when I got to clinicals, I would have more panic attacks because I hated the environment so much. My friends and family keep telling me that "things will get better" when I get my first job and "build confidence" etc. But I do not see that happening... Maybe I'm wrong. The thought of going to the hospital and starting my first job on an inpatient unit makes me start having panic attacks. Literally. I'm sorry if this sounds dramatic but I seriously have so much anxiety over this ?
The only thing I can see myself liking is outpatient. I need something slower paced and more predictable, if that makes sense. I really would like to work in a doctors office and help my patients maintain their health and stay out of the hospital. But the issue is NO clinics around me hire new grads. You need a year of experience to even be considered for outpatient stuff. I just do not know what to do at this point...
I am not about to go get a job in the hospital and have panic attacks every other day. I don't think you should destroy your mental health over a job... right? Any advice would be appreciated. If anyone has been in my situation, please let me know what you did.
