Stupid things nurses have written or said

Nurses Humor


* Barb asked the patient "when did you start feeling deak and wizzy?" While the other staff laughed, the patient asked "Honey is it time for you to go home yet?" That was three years ago, and the story is retold daily. "Deak and wizzy" is now standard terminology.

* Nina didn't quite mean: "Patient nauseated but refused anti-emetics as he stated he'd feel much better if he could just get it up "

* Yvonne confessed to writing "Patient found this nurse in bed hot and diaphoretic."

* "Foley cath patent, no charge from penis."

* "Pt has been hospitalized for constipation twice within the last 60 days. Several tests were run but nothing concrete came out."

* "Upon entering the patient's room, he stated, "get the f**K out", and I beat a hasty retreat."

* "Patient had green pussy fluid draining from his arm." (Patient had an injury resulting from an accident with farm machinery)

* "Large brown stool ambulating in hallway" (Picture the scene ...)

* Patient is awake and alert with many visitors in bed.

* "Red, hot and throbbing between her thighs." (Patient had spilled coffee on herself.)

* "Patient arouses to verbal and tactile stimuli combined." (following a penile implant)

* "Patient found pulseless and without respirations at 10:00 AM.

*Had vomited profuse hematemesis and been incontinent of watery black stool. MD notified. Mess left for family." (The nurse meant 'message')

* "Patient able to bend at the knee and eat himself."

*"The resident came in from the garden and threw a cow at the television." (The cow being an ornament)

* "She was sick after coming back from the zoo as she had eaten too many penguins." (Chocolate bars)

* "He was masturbating all night and kept coming out of his room."

* "The patient states that he has been feeling much better since he stopped drinking and going to church."

*"Drinking good amounts of urine" wrote a newly qualified staff nurse on a paediatric ward

* "The patient was brought to the Operating Room in shocking condition" ... the patient was taken stat to the OR in Trendelenburg for a massive bleed; in shock position.

* "The patient's postop ileus slowly resolved. By postop day 7, he was passing lettuce and deemed ready for discharge.

* "She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night"

* "She is numb from her toes down"

* "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce"

* "Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation"

* "The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead"


Love and Hugs

Amy xx

I was reporting a urine dip to the doc and said that the dip was "positive for neuks and litrites".......... after I quit laughing I corrected myself and said leuks and nitrites.


Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

We do computer charting, which I read daily (occupational health). One of our nurses is notorious for his typos. My favorite: "employee hurt his little dinger." Our other keyboard challenged nurse has several times put that the employee was "feeling oaky." (As opposed to piney or elmy?)


39 Posts

:chuckle :roll :chuckle :D :D


265 Posts

Just toniight one of the nurses told of this one that happened earlier today

Patient's family had a private "nurse" (yes the title is an honorary one for this "sitter" who never went to nursing school but talks a good game to the family) in the room with him - This private "nurse" asked her - "Do you have a Peri Chair that we can use? " She just stared at her for a bit trying to figure out exactly what kind of chair this was and exactly what it was used for then finally asked - and was told "You know, one of those high backed chairs - a Peri Chair"

She said she just told her there weren't any Peri Chairs available and managed to keep a straight face until she was out of the room

And yes, it's official - Geri Chairs will forevermore be called Peri Chairs on this wing :D

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I

1 Article; 3,619 Posts

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

:rotfl: I like neuks and litrites better.:D


305 Posts

On a Psych unit we had a pt. who had lost his shoes. The following day, after an impaction check had been done the nurse went to chart her findings and wrote "Impaction check done. Shoe found.":roll


27 Posts

Didn't want to keep looking for the exact right thread for this one. It IS the middle of the night. Just looking over some MD orders on my patient. Found one that says, "Culture fluid from Rear." After laughing for a while I realized it means R. Ear.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I

1 Article; 3,619 Posts

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

:rotfl: :chuckle :roll :D


77 Posts

One time when I was listening to resp. I told someone to "take a deep breast" LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

Specializes in 5 yrs OR, ASU Pre-Op 2 yr. ER.

I was reading some charting about a new admission, the nurse from the day shift had wrote "pt. does not recall losing consciousness". Well, duuuh lol.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I

1 Article; 3,619 Posts

Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
:rolleyes: Hmmm. Imagine that Now! Can't recollect a thing.:roll :roll
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