* Barb asked the patient "when did you start feeling deak and wizzy?" While the other staff laughed, the patient asked "Honey is it time for you to go home yet?" That was three years ago, and the story is retold daily. "Deak and wizzy" is now standard terminology.
* Nina didn't quite mean: "Patient nauseated but refused anti-emetics as he stated he'd feel much better if he could just get it up "
* Yvonne confessed to writing "Patient found this nurse in bed hot and diaphoretic."
* "Foley cath patent, no charge from member."
* "Pt has been hospitalized for constipation twice within the last 60 days. Several tests were run but nothing concrete came out."
* "Upon entering the patient's room, he stated, "get the f**K out", and I beat a hasty retreat."
* "Patient had green pussy fluid draining from his arm." (Patient had an injury resulting from an accident with farm machinery)
* "Large brown stool ambulating in hallway" (Picture the scene ...)
* Patient is awake and alert with many visitors in bed.
* "Red, hot and throbbing between her thighs." (Patient had spilled coffee on herself.)
* "Patient arouses to verbal and tactile stimuli combined." (following a penile implant)
* "Patient found pulseless and without respirations at 10:00 AM.
*Had vomited profuse hematemesis and been incontinent of watery black stool. MD notified. Mess left for family." (The nurse meant 'message')
* "Patient able to bend at the knee and eat himself."
*"The resident came in from the garden and threw a cow at the television." (The cow being an ornament)
* "She was sick after coming back from the zoo as she had eaten too many penguins." (Chocolate bars)
* "He was masturbating all night and kept coming out of his room."
* "The patient states that he has been feeling much better since he stopped drinking and going to church."
*"Drinking good amounts of urine" wrote a newly qualified staff nurse on a paediatric ward
* "The patient was brought to the Operating Room in shocking condition" ... the patient was taken stat to the OR in Trendelenburg for a massive bleed; in shock position.
* "The patient's postop ileus slowly resolved. By postop day 7, he was passing lettuce and deemed ready for discharge.
* "She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night"
* "She is numb from her toes down"
* "She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce"
* "Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation"
* "The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead"
We do computer charting, which I read daily (occupational health). One of our nurses is notorious for his typos. My favorite: "employee hurt his little dinger."
Is that what they're calling it now? j/k
Was laughing so hard I had tears coming down my face.
a_crftyldy
80 Posts
Is that what they're calling it now? j/k
Was laughing so hard I had tears coming down my face.