Staff acting like mean girls what do you do

karenchad · Jul 12, 2009

All they ways of trying to survive this behavior are mentioned above- quiting before you're fired (I've been there done that), trying to fly under the radar( difficult to do, can cause all kinds of stress related health problems trying) I've also tried the agency route- they get you there too, I've tried documenting everthing but that gets exhausing and I end up loosing the papers in all the wrong places, I've even tried documenting stuff right in front of them- they are so arrogant and sure of not getting caught and held responsible they keep it up, laugh in your face. My only consolation is something I was told yearrrrs ago"WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND" I have had occassion to keep in touch with some true friends and kept up with the happenings- and that old saying is true, because not long after my exiting- the troublemakers have gotten theirs- the lastest group -- one was fired for neglence and another had a massive CVA, another (a doctors RN wife) was refused rehiring and the Doctor( whose behavior escalated to grabbing another Dr by the throat in a public hallway) did not have his contract renewed with his group. Not the correct outcome- as this behavior should be unthinkable and not happening in healthcare.

amiconfused · Jul 12, 2009

As all of you, I too have been in that drama of mean girl or should I really call it survivor?? The truth is, you hate coming to work just because you don't quite know what's ahead of you for the day and also it takes away from your work. The time it takes to defend yourself takes away from patient time and then when you go home- working through it time. Why do we tolerate this behavior, and let it continue?

If all of us would just stand up and say this is not right! STOP IT! the group would be broken. Have we made our own worse enemies? Maybe it is not the physicians however coworkers. Now that is completely disheartening.

If I am unable to stop this behavior (I understand it will take time and it will reappear from time to time)- then really I consider myself a poor supervisor. I dislike writing people up as this seems like an authority trip - of course I do when there is a patient issue. Do I have them sign a contract on nice behavior in the work place, and then when violated do the talking, then the writing the next time it occurs. My gosh, I do feel like a junior high teacher. Enough is enough.

I want to handle this professionally, and that all of us walk away feeling much better once this stops. I don't have any control over behavior outside of work and I really don't care about that either. Maybe a simple word such as "OUCH" when you hear a mean comment might help each other realize what we say day to day and how it hurts each others feelings. I will probably move on from this job as I don't want to become part of the team, and it seems as if the behavior is tolerated or just ignored. So basically, the nice ones often move on- and those who are able to tolerate or contribute to the behavior seem to stay on. I know there is no perfect place to work- however, in the role I am currently working, I do have some ownership in the behaviors that are tolerated in the work place- right? Thanks again for all your support and ideas- they are great and extremely helpful.

UM Review RN, ASN, RN · Jul 12, 2009

You're the new boss and this is going on? You want to change it? You will, by sheer force of your authority and position. You are in a position of power. There are a couple of things that you can do to improve their behavior -- but both are dependent on your behavior.

I suggest you should read this book, Crucial Confrontations, in order to learn to be the boss you want to be and change the culture of your workplace.

And this is going to seem really crazy -- watch The Dog Whisperer. Watch how this guy's behavior, tone, and body language instantly transforms a group of humans and dogs. After watching several episodes, I realized how critically important posture, tone, stance, and state of mind affects the behavior of other people.

zuzi · Jul 12, 2009

My advice is to stay busy or at least look busy while keeping your ears open. Form alliances, not friendships. Go through the motions of basic social interactions such as greeting them, "Good morning." I used to avoid taking about people like the plague because I saw it all as gossip. However, I learned that there is a difference betweek malicious, empty gossip and social awareness. It's important to know if someone is trouble, or that a saboteur/saboteuse is throwing stones at you from their glass houses. It's a part of covering your butt and learning how to play the workplace game. I absolutely don't condone tattletaling, but people can be vicious and you need to cover your butt using whatever you can sometimes.
Good luck!

Peach Pie I read and reread again you posting and even if I am agree with you in most of the parts, I have another opinion in others. And I will explain and why that.

"at least look busy while keeping your ears open" I am so sorry THIS is not a corret attitude. You are at work to work not to spy. Looking busy and listening, around you what each and every talk is the most yucky staff that I ever seen. And is REAL. If you look busy but you are not, means that you lie and you try to trick, this type of character is not a good one. If you listen all over IS NOT YOUR BUSSSINESS, your bussiness is to listen YOUR NURSING staff, nothing else, you are at job! YOU WORK! Much more is creepy staff!

I remember one day one sweety pie cooworkers listen under door MY discussion with a hospital related an admitted patient at the end of discussion came and told me on a fake superior bossy voice "good talking Zuzi".

I look at her and I told her..."IS NOT YOUR BUSSINEES, if is a good or bad discussion" you are not my boss, go away with your attitude from here and do your job for what you are paid NURSE!

"Form alliances"

Dear Lord, we are at work, we are not here to form alliances we are TO WORK, are just work staff, reports, nursing discussions, that is all.

ALLIANCES is the most ugly word ever and we build a wrong face of nursing. What will be happen with a new one, he/she will need to be admited in ALLIANCE to be able to survive?

We need to smoke togheter to share our personal life toghter, to be in another way that we are.... just for allinaces? Is fake, I will not do it what my heart don't tell me to do it JUST FOR ALLIANCES. I can't eat with you or boy you food for allianecs, I could not dance with you just for alliance, I could not share my life with you just for alliances...don't build a fake nursing world JUST for alliances.

I don't care about alliances, but I care normal untwisted souls, unfake.

Starting with forming alliances start lateral violence, is totally wrong.

Covering you butt...is another wrong interpreted word... instead to learn "do your job as good you can" we teach other and we learn much faster, "cover your butt"....is wrong in the name of "cover your butt" I saw a lot of miserable nursing thinks.... cover your butt... and if the doctor orders is in one way, nurses do in another way, because are scared, because "my licence is on line, so I cover my butt first", do alliances to cover my butt also...because instead to talk with doctor and assume their actions, their judgemnets their assesments, my beuatifull nurses cover their butt, and everybody is happy, but who cares....

"Cover your butt using watever.".. is TOTALLY WRONG, you can cover your butt using others hands ALSO, is unfair, is wrong, is unethical......... do your OWN job, document, talk, communicate, analyze be a good nurse, open your mind, listen other opinion also, be balanced!

Is a long topic always will be....and I am too foreign, to alone, no part of any alliance, and to straight in my twisted world, lol

MedSurgeMess · Jul 12, 2009

Help- I am new to a clinic where many of the staff are tight and not accepting of new staff. They often act like teenage girls. A new hire even walked out after hearing people talk about her often. How do I resolve this??

Talk to your boss, just as a reference point, so that if it does become an issue the boss is aware of it. In the meantime, ignore them. This will do more damage than if you confronted them directly. In time, when they see that they aren't bullying you, you will probably fit into the group, and you can work on attitude changes like "wow, we were really kind of rough on the new girl today, maybe we should lay off tomorrow, etc" Also, you can always warn new people on their first day so that they can be aware to not take things so badly. Just some thoughts. My unit is perfect, we don't have people like this, hee, hee, hee :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

Jami RN, BSN, RN · Jul 12, 2009

If I were the manager on this unit, I believe that I would pull each of the "mean girls" into my office individually and tell them that you are aware of what is going on and how it has affected new staff. Let them know that it will not be tolerated any more, period. If you notice it happening, make an example out of one or all of them utilizing your facility's corrective action process.

During staff meetings, find some activities that facilitate team building and use them.

Also, and this is the most important, find people doing good things and thank/praise them for it. Encourage the behavior you want to be the norm on the unit. You need to be a positive role model as well.

I think confronting the "mean girls" is the most important, though. People act differently when they are part of a group, and if you confront them individually, you may bring the majority back in line with only this intervention.

Best of luck! You sound like a great manager.

Jami

Jami RN, BSN, RN · Jul 12, 2009

Oh, another thing you could do is to have a periodic follow-up meeting with new staff to assess whether they are being bullied. Encourage an open-door policy and set up individual meetings with employees to develop a rapport so the staff members that are being bullied feel comfortable bringing the subject up to you.

DManAZRN · Jul 12, 2009

Sounds like they all went to high school together and never grew up. Suck it up, keep working, and all you can do is make the manager aware of the behavior. Hopefully you have a manager that didn't go to their high school too.

As for being torn a new one...... Just say "Thanks for the input" period. No smile, no frown just pretend it doesn't even matter. Because it doesn't unless the manager is giving the input.

keithjones · Jul 12, 2009

If you are in charge, warn them once about the kind of behavior that is unacceptable then fire someone immediately when it is violated. If you are lucky you can take out the "queen bee" and double the effectiveness of the plan. :yeah:

If they bully you and you let it slide even once you have established the "de facto" pecking order and your authority is effectively gone.

MedSurgRNiowa · Jul 12, 2009

I am 42, new grad RN, one month into a new job on Med/Surg. I trained for weeks on days and walked into the nurse's station more than once when my preceptor was talking about me. It didn't feel very good and not at all professional. I started nights this week, my actual hours that I was hired for and my preceptor is an unbelievable gossip. After the first 12 hour night, I cried the whole way home. She is mean, immature and the whole preceptor job has gone to her head. She has been a nurse for two whole years and knows it all. I walked in the nurse's area and found her b*$ching about me, her, them, everyone on several occassions. This is so discouraging. I didn't want to go back. I still don't and I am on my 3rd night in a row with her. My DON called me at home a few days before I began with her and said that another new grad and her did not get along. She requested not to train with her and she wanted me to know that so I could try to understand that she is just trying hard. No, she is not. She told me last night about another hospital that might be hiring and she would understand if I wanted to try to get on there...WHAT? The night shift is understaffed as it is...they use travelers to staff and I can see why. I am so frustrated and this is not at all what I had expected. Jobs are hard to come by now and I was pretty fortunate to get this one but not sure it is worth it. I don't want to go to my 3rd night in a row in less than two hours. I am not comforted by the fact that it is rampant everywhere...it makes me sad. I have been crying on and off today.

mommyonamission · Jul 12, 2009

If I was in a management role like yourself I'd do my best to "clean house" - - meaning firing and hiring to replace the bad seeds and inject the good ones. I think your attitude to change the overall atmosphere from a negative one to a more positive one is excellent and if you're focused on it, then it will happen. I think setting a new policy of professional of ethics and conduct (or re-emphasizing the hospital wide exisiting ones may be a good start).

karenchad · Jul 12, 2009

Threasa1166 I'm am so sorry that is happening to you, it's down right unfair and by your own preceptor-- We NEED you new nurses, desperately. a preceptor afet 2 years experience- this is exactly what I have been complaining about .Preceptors should have solid experience and maturity!!! Preceptors make or break the retention of a new nurse. Go to your manager first and request a preceptor with some PROFESSIONAL courtesy and behavior, some who knows what they are doing, obviously this 2 year BRAT doesn't. If the manager doesn;'t respond and act in the direction for the positive, go over the manager's head, and keep going over heads if it doesn't get resovled in YOUR best interest( to learn your med/surg skills, you cannot learn with all this crap, I don't care what anyone says that crap is not part of NURSING)- this is YOUR learning experience and in MED/SURG where you are Critically NEEDED- this is outragous and intollerable. In 30 years Ive seen toooo much of this and no intervention- I watched 4 young new nurses leave our telemety in 1 MONTH on day shift alone because of 1 of these mean girls, while the young nurse manger DID NOT do anything. My conclusion on her was she was afraid or did not know what to do. I left 6 months later because by then I had seen enough, spoke up and said something and was not believed. The RN doing this bullying was a nurses aide for 7 years on that unit, went to be an RN and failed her nursing boards for 5 years, had to remediate, was 30 years old with 4 kids, had her first when she was 16 years old, never lost the baby fat, and I watcher her husband come up to the desk on day and throw their checkbook at her and leave. The new nurses she bullyed and chased off the unit were 23-29 year olds, single attractive women with degrees- one with a BA and an RN diploma and another a BSN from an ivy league university!!! She too was their preceptor. she used to sit on her big lazy butt and not give out alot of her meds, her patients didn't see her all day - she was parked at the desk in a chair in front of the nurse manager's office, checking all of our documentation, NOT her job. THIS IS BULLYING in the workplace, It's LATERAL VIOLENCE-- it's illegal harassment!!!! This is what these nurse managers NEED and MUST realize. does someone always have to be phyisically attacked before these managers realize what their are dealing with. This 2 year experienced preceptor is covertly attacking you.. To the nurse managerconfusedmnnurse- Yes, take them into the office one by one and warn them/written or other wise-- to "STOP or you are GONE." Praise the other staff for their POSITVE teamwork/helping attitude and charitable behavior toward there coworkers. See if they are INTELLIGENT enough to get the message. I don't think the ignoring is working, I think it's time to confront. How many nurses have you lost, and why?? Nurses do not often give the real reason for leaving out of shame( we are left to believe we some how brought it on or deserve this kind of bullying- and isn't that the dynamics of the ABUSE SYNDROMN that we are all supposed to screening patients and thier significant others for???, the bruises these "mean Girls" are leaving are not visiable but they are there. It's as much a power and control issue for them as it is for and abusive spouse) It's too costly to keep replacing nurses-approx. $60,000 to orient a new hire nurse. I saved my schedules from that unit , we had 5 nurses leave and hired 5 new nurses- at $60,000 each to orient= $300,000 in 6 months, I sent the schedule with the names of those that left, and why, with the new ones that came to the CEO and the dept of labor- when I left!! This is a devastating waste of money and nurses. for what--- 1 BULLY?? I' m sorry this is happening to all of you- been there got the Tee shirt and the tire tracks on the Tee shirt.