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Question

Stabbed in the Back in ICU

Dear Nurse Beth,

I work in ICU, and have been at my place of employment for going on 2 years. I'm a solid nurse, trying to further myself by learning and doing new things, and trying to really strengthen myself. I am laid-back, helpful, a hard worker, and care well for my patients.

Back at the beginning of the year, a few people banded together and complained to my manager that I am sometimes "lost in my own world" and not as helpful as I could be. I personally know this to be untrue. I am always available for help, jump in where I can, and always offer my assistance. This is believed to be directly related to one night where people were uninformed of the situation and assumed I was not doing my part.

Now, some months later, one person made hateful, completely untrue remarks in my anonymous evaluation. All the other responses were positive, as were remarks from management. Do I try to move on and continue allowing the behind the back drama or do I find a new place to call home? Overall, I enjoy my workplace but I just can't help but feel stabbed in the back with little support from management.

Dear Stabbed in the Back,

It's natural to feel misunderstood and betrayed when you are attacked anonymously.

You had a problem earlier in the year, but you moved past it. So I take it the only incident that makes you think of leaving is the one anonymous evaluation. It's an outlier among your other evaluations, and as such, maybe you can not take it personally.

You say it's hateful and completely untrue. Constructive feedback is neither hateful nor untrue. This was not constructive feedback, it was purposefully mean, and you can't take it as credible feedback. It reflects more on the evaluator than it does on you. Personally, when managers conduct peer evaluations and get one hateful response, I feel it should not be shared. There's nothing helpful about it and it's definitely hurtful.

Give it some time and you will be able to let it go. See if you still feel like leaving in a few weeks but don't make any sudden decisions.

Best wishes,

Nurse Beth
Author, "Your Last Nursing Class: How to Land Your First Nursing Job"...and your next!

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    • Featured Replies

    On 5/15/2019 at 9:51 PM, Nurse Beth said:

    You say it's hateful and completely untrue. Constructive feedback is neither hateful nor untrue. This was not constructive feedback, it was purposefully mean, and you can't take it as credible feedback. It reflects more on the evaluator than it does on you. Personally, when managers conduct peer evaluations and get one hateful response, I feel it should not be shared. There's nothing helpful about it and it's definitely hurtful.

    You're right, they should not.

    Quote

    Do I try to move on and continue allowing the behind the back drama or do I find a new place to call home? Overall, I enjoy my workplace but I just can't help but feel stabbed in the back with little support from management.

    I would have asked the manager to answer for the choice to share what is clearly a hateful and malicious review, and would also have also asked for an explanation of the usefulness of a hateful and malicious review - - what are you to do with information that you know was only intended to harm you?

    There isn't a real right or wrong answer as far as whether you stay or look elsewhere. It depends upon your tolerance for this, your goals, etc. You could shrug and forget about it or you could reject this type of treatment in general. It kind of seems like either could be okay and in the end it's personal tolerance/preference.

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    On 5/18/2019 at 1:08 AM, JKL33 said:

    I would have asked the manager to answer for the choice to share what is clearly a hateful and malicious review, and would also have also asked for an explanation of the usefulness of a hateful and malicious review - - what are you to do with information that you know was only intended to harm you?

    I am continually amazed at the epic fail tactics that people in positions of high leadership use in the course of their job. If I am to guess, this was a Nurse Manager of the ICU that allowed this "peer evaluation"?

    I have an MA in a field outside nursing, (its been treated as worthless because its not an MSN) and remember a course that was tailored around motivating others, how to motivate others, how to get the best outcomes from a team, and when / how a team functions optimally . It was one of my favorite Master's level courses.

    Personally, I think a "peer evaluation" should be in the form of a staff meeting, where all members of the team are free to confront issues affecting the team, so that this type of sabotage does not exist. ..and if feedback is constructive and useful, it is aired face to face.

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