speak out or grin and bear it?? Intimidation/bullying

[M1026L]

I need your help, if you don't want to read the long post, the questions are at the bottom. thanks!

I'm in a New Grad program and have noticed some major discrepancies between what our new grad coordinators are telling us in how we should be treated vs reality(how the unit actually is).

In our classes everything is butterflies & rainbows and "if there is any bullying" or people not being friendly towards new grad, they want to "know" about it. I feel like this is a trick and don't want to self sabotage.

My unit is a sink or swim environment. Coworkers and some preceptors will test you to see if you can take the stress or if you'll break. A few other coworkers have told me this and advised me to watch my back. Everyone on the unit has been there for 6+ years with the exception of 3 people (that I know of) that have two years in. I thought that was a good sign, meaning people liked it there and stayed....Now I realize it means no one can relate to us few new grads! They expect a lot of out us, beyond our capabilities at this point, and they aren't the most welcoming bunch.

At the beg., our supervisors told us to let them know immediately if we didn't have the same learning style as our preceptor, saying casually "it happens". They told us if we did not tell them by week 3, we were out of luck in getting it changed. I've tried speaking with my supervisor, said I was having trouble clicking with my preceptor and maybe it would be best if I was with someone with the same learning style. THAT BACKFIRED. He demanded to know why and that I give him concrete reasons. I mentioned she was just a little too overbearing for my learning style and very dominant.. too aggressive & it made me overly nervous. Grabbing tubing from my hands in the med room out of impatience, not respecting that I needed time to think things through. He went and told everyone on the unit! Like a game of telephone...

side note: (( By the way, I've had 6 preceptors in my first 4 weeks on nights, and not because I brought up the problem( it was already scheduled). I can never do anything right b/c there's always a new person, new way. Not to mention, I never form a bond with anyone! ))

Now I'm "that" new grad, the difficult one that says "things" about her preceptors. Oh my goodness, I feel just awful b/c that is not what I meant. It was blown way out of proportion. I no longer trust anyone. My supervisor doesn't believe in privacy and takes the "open door" policy so literal that he thinks it means you cannot close your door, EVER. He says everyone on the unit has a right to know anything I tell him. He told me one preceptor thinks I ask annoying questions and was unprofessional b/c I attempted to cut some tension with relating to her and making light of a situation. By the way, this is a technique the hospital itself told us to use to cut tension. I tried to use it in the most non offensive way, trying to relate to her on a personal level...NOPE.

Work is pretty unbearable. It's awkward w/one clique now, they ignore me COMPLETELY. I cry, feel nauseous, hard to get out of bed, feel very isolated and unsupported. It's only my 4th week on the floor, 8 weeks total training in classes, etc. I just don't understand why people would intimidate, be closed off and isolate new grads.

They seem very full of themselves, it's hard to respect. No one deserves to be treated the way a few* of them they treat others. I know it's not everyone, but even people I haven't worked with seem a little rough around the edges. I don't mind people criticizing me,in fact I welcome it! I often ask them for it so that I can improve, but don't play childish games with the new grads.

****QUESTIONS:

1. Should I keep my big mouth shut and suck it up until I'm off my 6 month probation?

2. Should I go to the new grad coordinator to let her know I am having a hard time w/o getting into too much detail?

3. What if my unit decides to use the excuse, "it wasn't working out." It def isn't working out, but I cannot lose this job, I'm supporting my family right now. At least if I tell the new grad coordinator there is some trouble now, she will be more likely to consider me moving to another unit if they decide to let me go? IDK am I being naive in thinking she will help...probably.

[offlabel]

1. yes

2.no

3. no way to tell

Sounds like an awful place, find a new job when you are able.

[HyzenthlayLPN]

I would see if there was another unit to transfer to and/or be looking for a new job. It sounds like you are in hell. To me, life is too short to deal with that kind of BS...

[M1026L]

Thanks for the advice from both of you. I think all I can do at this point is get past my probationary period of 6 months and then try and transfer. If I think I can make it another 6 months from there then I'll just keep going with it and apply for a transfer @ the 1 year mark.

4 months to go

[nurse2033, MSN, RN]

Your unit has made it clear they don't want to hear it, despite their false assertions otherwise. Go by what you have observed in their behavior, not what they give lip service to. It also shows the level of integrity in the unit. You need to get your foot in by completing your first year. Focus on learning, protect your license, and keep your eyes open for better opportunities. Good luck.

[saskrn]

****QUESTIONS:

1. Should I keep my big mouth shut and suck it up until I'm off my 6 month probation?

2. Should I go to the new grad coordinator to let her know I am having a hard time w/o getting into too much detail?

3. What if my unit decides to use the excuse, "it wasn't working out." It def isn't working out, but I cannot lose this job, I'm supporting my family right now. At least if I tell the new grad coordinator there is some trouble now, she will be more likely to consider me moving to another unit if they decide to let me go? IDK am I being naive in thinking she will help...probably.

1. Yes

2. No.

3. Who knows?

I see this from two different perspectives. You sound like you're in your own living hell, and stressed to the max - emotional, frustrated, insecure, afraid, untrusting, and more. It's understandable to feel stress as a new grad. On the other hand, I see you blaming everybody else for your problems, but you don't take any ownership yourself.

If I were you, I'd stand back and reassess this entire situation. IMHO, if you can clarify, simplify and get a grip on what's really going on here minus the emotions, it will be easier to address.

Also, in my experience, you need to rein in your emotions, put your knowledge to good use, and through your actions prove that you are intelligent, capable and professional. When it comes to nursing, often actions can speak louder than words.

Hospital environments can be dog-eat-dog, survival of the fittest, at times. I think, as a rule, that staff from all departments expect you to know your job, and there is very little sympathy or understanding if you don't. Because of this, you need to grow a thick skin.

It's a learning process, and it will get easier. Hang in there!