Someone to read over nursing school essay? (:

[Anxious In NE]

Writing has never really been my strong point. .. If anyone would like to read over this and maybe give a few pointers? Thanks!

Here is the prompt..

• Statement of your motivation for helping others.
  
• Why you will be successful as a health care provider.
  
• Why you wish to attend ___________.
  

When I picture myself five or ten years from now, I do not necessarily see a hospital room, or a doctor's office, I see myself helping a patient, making a difference in someone's life. I have always felt the need to help others, whether it is being a shoulder to cry on for a friend, or volunteering my time to help others less fortunate than myself. I feel that this fits in very well to the field of nursing. Nurses are not only there to perform tasks medically, but for comfort and understanding for the patients. As long as I remember, I have been drawn to the medical field, always asking questions of my doctors and nurses during appointments, and taking as many science classes as possible in high school.

When I was in third grade, my dad took my sister and I swimming at the beach, as our day of fun was going on, the thought never occurred to me that it was the day I would decided what I really wanted to do with my life. A man was swimming, and became trapped under one of the blow-up slides after hitting his head. My dad was one of the first people who saw the man, and instantly made an effort to bring the man to shore, and before I knew it, a huge crowd had gathered, including two nurses. I watched closely as they performed CPR, attended to his other wounds and in the end saved the man's life. I was in such shock that something so miraculous had just taken place right in front of me, it was something I had just seen on TV, and did not think really happened. I know that life or death situations like this do not happen every day, but at the end of day, when I come home, I want to feel that I helped someone, that I affected someone in a positive way.

I always try to keep a smile on my face and a positive attitude, no matter how my day is going. I feel like a smile is worth so much more, a simple smile to someone can make their entire day, it can be the little pick me up they need to make it through a difficult situation. When I was seven years old, I became an aunt, since then I have been around younger kids and helped babysit too many times to count. Being around younger children has really helped me to be more patient, younger kids do not always listen to everything you say, or it might take them longer to complete a game or task than an older person. This is a very important skill in nursing, patients will have all different levels of ability, or movement and I will need the patience to stick with it and help them through. In high school, I kept busy with work, classes, clubs, volunteer work, and still had time for a social life. I was able to keep everything in order and under control because of my time management skills, my hard work ethic and my persistence. Even when things got a little hectic, I knew that if I sat down and listed everything out, and made a plan I could get through it. I have always tried to put schoolwork first, my education is very important to me. When I graduate college, I will be the first of my six other siblings to graduate from both high school and college. This is a huge achievement for me, I know that with a degree I will be able to move forward and make a life for myself. I have always desired to know as much as I can, I am constantly asking my doctors what a procedure was done for, or why it was done the way it was, or staying after class to ask a few questions to the professor. As a healthcare professional, it is important to strive for more knowledge to keep up with the ever-happening changes in research and procedures. I think of my self as very personable, I am a very easy person to talk to and love to listen to others and try to help them. I am the type of person whose friends go to them first for advice on a decision or just for someone to listen to them and help them through a hard time. I think this will be beneficial to a healthcare profession because communication skills are one of the main requirements towards helping someone. You do not only need to be able to share your knowledge but also to be able to listen and also pick up non-verbal communications as well. Critical thinking has always been my favorite part of math and science classes, it does not have to deal with strictly formulas and computations, I get to put my knowledge to work. I have to think on the drop of a dime, incorporate many different aspects to come to the best possible solution. Nursing to me is not just a scientific career or solely a nurturing career; it cannot be one without the other. The two need to be combined to have a harmonious and successful outcome and nursing is the career that utilizes all of these qualities.

At a information fair at my previous college, I received a small piece of paper that simply read, 'Save one life, you're a hero; save 100 lives, you're a nurse.' This quote has been on my mind recently, I have always thought of nurses as heroes, and this shows they are more than just a hero. They are the one that is there to listen, they are the person who cares if their patient's son won the big soccer game last week, they're the person who can pick up on the smallest vibe or change in their patient. When I read this quote, I think to myself, 'I hope one day I can be someone's hero, someone's nurse.'

I was born and raised in the _______ area, and love everything about it here. I have known my entire life that _______ is the place I want to end up, have a career, raise a family. It just makes sense to begin my true nursing career, nursing school, in _______. When considering the options, ______ jumps off the page at me. It has the three main qualities I am looking for in a school, small size, close to home and reasonably affordable. On top of that, a 94% board pass rate, 8% above the national average, I know that it is a successful program. My goal in life is to be a successful nurse, who can be a hero to my patients, and would love to begin this journey at _______.

[jorjaRN]

Hi!

I think the points you make are great, and it is well written. I would have someone look it over from an English standpoint (maybe a teacher or someone who has good grammar skills). There are a few long sentences that might be better split up into several shorter ones. Same with the last paragraph. Overall, though, I think it's a good essay :) Good luck!!

[momandstudent]

I also read your essay and I think it is thoughtfully written and full of meaning. The only thing that I noticed as I glanced (and I mean glance because of a full day of lectures and reading myself) over it is the sentence structure. There are quite a few sentences that should be broken up. Limit some of your comma usage and it should be good. Good luck :)

[cskiny]

I like your response, and agree with the other comment about looking it over for grammatical errors etc. You did not indicate if this was a formal paper or not, so mostly I would think your faculty is trying to get a feel for which nurses are there for the sake of the patients, the sake of a paycheck, or as our faculty pointed out, with the intent of marrying a Dr.

My personal story was similar, I felt everything I had been through in my life led me to the nursing path at age 47, and have had no regrets.

Good luck!

[Miss_Piggy.RN]

I sent you a private message with some advice :)

[pharmgirl]

Watch your paragraphs. There are a few thoughts that should be broken into their own paragraphs. Overall very well written and great points. Maybe find a few sentences where you could reword them to eliminate the overuse of "I".

"At a information fair...." should be "At an information fair...."

Good job!! Good luck!!

[Daytonite, BSN, RN]

one of the things that many people do not realize that rns do is problem solve. yes, it is good to have a positive attitude, time management skills, a good work ethic, persistence, work out plans ahead of time, help people and think critically. however, i have been an rn for over 30 years. an employer expects all of the above including the ability to do the technical skills required of an rn. at interviews in the old days they used to have us thread a needle to see if we had finger-eye dexterity! but, our value as rns is really tied up in that critical thinking business. the scientific method was tweaked and is called the nursing process in our profession and it is jammed into our noggins from the beginning of classes to the end. it is lovingly referred to as critical thinking, or problem solving. i would tell newly graduated employees that we were orienting (i was a supervisor and manager for about 1/3 of my career) that much of our workday is spent stamping out little fires (problems) that arise. even as staff nurses we are managing patient care in some capacity. that is why we are, for all intense and purpose, leaders. remember how people took over and saved that drowning man? that was a demonstration of leadership and action. stress that you have leadership and problem solving abilities in your essay because these are very important qualities they look for in rns. milquetoasts and others with no backbone need not apply.

i think this essay needs only 3 paragraphs. i also think you have too much personal information in the essay. the story about seeing the man saved at the beach is eye-catching and should be your opening paragraph explaining your motivation for wanting to help others. why you would be successful at helping others should be a delineation of the skills you have that will make you a battleship of an rn and stress management and leadership things you have done. as for why you wish to attend this school, get their college catalog and read their mission statement for both the college and the nursing program and see what their views are about the kind of nurses they are wanting to train and turn out into the community and include it in your essay in your own words. then go into more personal reasons, but i do not think you need to include more anecdotes. stay factual. read the instructions for the essay and adhere to them. i've been on admission and hiring committees and nothing will get an application round filed (rejected) than one where the applicant didn't follow instructions or rambled on and on in their written statements. keep it concise and to the point.

[Anxious In NE]

thanks everyone! :)