So glad I'm not the only one!

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Specializes in Rehabilitation.

Graduated in May, hired in June, started in July. I was really fortunate to get hired into a small hospital, onto a floor that has a wide variety of patients and a team approach to nursing. I absolutely loved my job - at first - until I came off of orientation. Since then, I've really been struggling to make it through each week.

I have a hard time even pinning down what it is that has gotten me so upset. I have awful stress dreams on the nights I'm not working, if I sleep at all. Insomnia and I are super close right now. *sigh* I come home from shifts and just cry/vent towards my husband because of the stress and responsibility of this job. I miss my kids. I miss my husband. I don't know why I'm here.

My very first week off of orientation, we called a rapid response on my patient - an infant. It was heartbreaking, devestating. I didn't see it coming and my charting was inadequate for the transfer that came next. I spent hours in my supervisor's office two days later, charting every moment of that night. I have relived that shift until I could finally live with the fact that there was nothing I could have done differently for that baby. I gave him the best care I could, other nurses cared for him that night as well. Sadly, a series of events came after I cared for him and he's since passed away. Awful.

The other night a woman was brought to my floor, to my care, in a state that terrified me. Our floor is the overflow floor and is never adequately staffed. That's fine when our patients are post-op, or barely sick. But when you have only two nurses and are sent two admissions that are in desperate trouble, it's scary! I have never been so happy to see the morning come!

So I daydream. I daydream about different nursing positions. I try to figure out what my "dream job" would be and how I'll get there. See, I didn't choose nursing - it chose me. Sounds strange, but it's the truth. Four years ago, this wasn't even a possibility and now here I am. I was a stay-at-home mom and I loved being with my kids. Now I miss them terribly. I'm just struggling with it all, really. This has been such a major upheavel and I don't know how to process it all. It's too much to lay on my husband. He already feels helpless when I start to cry.

Anyway... I'm so thankful I found this site and this board in particular. Just hearing from other people and seeing that I'm not alone. I'm only a couple months into this and I'm going to stick it out as long as possible. I get excited thinking about where this will take me eventually. I want to learn as much as I can while I'm here. But, right now, this is HARD!

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Nursing is hard. The first year in any role as a nurse is rough. There is so much to know - and it's impossible to know it the second you're on your own.

I've worked on units that were unfairly/unsafely staffed and that was the root of my problems. I would be physically sick/anxious prior to going into work. I had to force myself to eat. I switched units (same types of patients) and had a 1000x better experience.

I've since switched units again, and most days love my job. I rarely have the anxiety that used to plague me. Maybe switching units/specialties would help?

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Nursing is hard. The first year in any role as a nurse is rough. There is so much to know - and it's impossible to know it the second you're on your own.

I've worked on units that were unfairly/unsafely staffed and that was the root of my problems. I would be physically sick/anxious prior to going into work. I had to force myself to eat. I switched units (same types of patients) and had a 1000x better experience.

I've since switched units again, and most days love my job. I rarely have the anxiety that used to plague me. Maybe switching units/specialties would help?

I was going to suggest the same thing. A new nurse always needs at least two veterans around, in my opinion.

I think that perhaps you need to look for a larger unit where you will have more backup.

One thing to keep in mind is that the first year is the hardest. So, basically, it all gets better from here!

I don't know if this helps, but I also had anxiety dreams my first year. One was so bad that I woke up in a panic attack and had to take a few days off. The anxiety is not because of you, it means that you are under too much stress.

If you can, take a few days and do something fun with your kids and husband. Find a coworker to vent to, or come on here and let it out. There are a lot of ways to help get your stress level down. If your employer has an assistance program (most are called EAP), then you may be able to get free counseling and tips to help you manage your stress.

Good luck! I hope you feel better soon.

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First off, give yourself kudos EVERY DAY! You got hired within a month of graduation...you must be very special!

Second--every nurse has to go through their first bad outcome at some point (I am still fearing my first one) and every nurse gets upset, depressed, and starts questioning themselves when that happens. If it didn't get to you, then you wouldn't be a good nurse.

Third, and you pointed out, it helps to know you are not alone and have a place to vent. It really does help! I formed a support group with other new grads at my facility and it's a lifesaver. Others form a similar group with classmates. Do it, and use AN as well..

Finally, you say you miss your kids. Couldn't be more normal than that, but when you get home to them each night, make the most of the time you get with them. If they aren't school age yet, they soon will be and you would be missing them while they were at school. Unfortunately that's the sad art of parenting, but you will learn to work around it and probably have a better relationship when they are older because of it.

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Specializes in Labor & Delivery/OB Triage.

I would say any nurse, anywhere, would say their first year was terrifyingly stressful. You feel inadequate. You feel like an idiot. You feel like you are never going to reach a point of confidence on the job. This is all very, very normal for a first year nurse.

Rest assured, you will learn a ton and eventually you are going to feel like a very competent nurse and you'll LOVE your job.

That being said, I concur with the others' comments that it may be helpful to work in a bigger facility, where you have a bigger team to back you up. Your charge should be making appropriate assignments for a nurse straight off of orientation and should be supporting you in your new role. If that isn't happening, or if your unit does not have the staff to allow for this, you may think of looking elsewhere or switching units. I feel like being pushed is a good thing and will help you learn and grow, but throwing a new nurse into a high acuity assignment with no support isn't the ideal situation.

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We sound like we are in pretty similar boats (and our husbands are in the I-don't-know-how-to-help-you boat right next to us). I tried to send a PM but I don't have enough posts to do that :) If you ever need another total newbie to brainstorm with about how to make it through this first year let me know!

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I am in the same boat! I have been working as a nurse since 2013 in home care and for the developmentally disabled. I just started at a nursing home on the sub acute unit and my first shift alone I could barely get through the med passes and became physically sick. I pushed through it and and I am now going into my second shift (I work there pier diem). It seems that many nurses have a hard time for at least the first year and working in a new facility is stressful on anyone. Hang in there it appears we are all in the same boat- I wish you the best of luck!

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Ok, so you are hating your job right now. Let me tell you that it is NORMAL. Being a new nurse is tough. You question yourself anyway, and when there is a poor outcome (especially for a child) it will haunt you for awhile. That is the bad news. However, here is the good news... it gets better! I promise it does. I thought I chose the wrong profession for the first 2 years of my career. Now, I've been a nurse for 10 years and feel as though I am thriving.

I had to switch units. I was super blessed to move to recovery room from the tele unit. I have now since switched to ICU a year ago. The nice thing about nursing is all the amazing options! You will find your sweet spot. Until then, be kind to yourself. Don't let that bad experience make you feel anxious in all future situations. Take a deep breath. Remember to do good assessments. Don't rely on the report of the previous nurse.

Also, find a nurse who has been in the field awhile and use him/her! There is a HUGE learning curve once you get out of school. Good luck!!!

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Specializes in Rehabilitation.

Thank you all so much for the encouragement! It's actually already getting a lot better. Just being able to vent and read other people's stories on here is so helpful. I feel like I'm finally getting my feet under me.

A new orientee came on my floor and we've been working a lot of shifts together. I think it's helping me see how far I've come in a short amount of time. She's been a nurse for a couple years, but this is her first hospital job and she's just as unsure and scared as I was a couple months ago!

I'm definitely keeping my eyes open. My floor has recently had a mass exodus of nurses and I'm not sure what that will mean for those of us left. They've diverted a lot of patients from us and there have been whispers about changes that might be made. I feel like, whichever way it goes will be a blessing. If I stay, I'll learn. If I don't, I'll find my next stepping stone.

I'm finally getting some peace about this. Thank you!!

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Specializes in M/S, pedi.

I went from a long time CNA to RN and I felt awful about my choice for approx 8 months. Now I'm glad I made the leap, I now have the time to do what I want in regards to actual hands on care and am able to delegate the rest in a nice manner without being stressed. I have one year under my belt as an RN and feel as comfortable as I did as a CNA. It takes time and and patience to feel comfortable.

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