My father was hospitalized last Wednesday with CHF. And it was bad too. He has since lost 50 lbs of fluid, and he is still coughing uncontrollably.
So I had to finally go back to work today and I called him. He says that he has been coughing terribly all night and all day, and no one has been in to see him, and he can't get any rest.
I just called up to the floor to find out what was going on. His nurse was on break, but the fill in for her said that her notes said there were no problems and he is resting peacefully.
I nearly lost my damn mind. I got very nasty and said I want his nurse to call me back immediately, and when she did, she told ME that I needed to calm down and that they were doing everything they could for him. I fired back to find out what in the world she was falsifying his medical record sating he has no problems and is resting peacefully when he is anything but and she hung up no me!!!
I am so angry right now. I want to go and pull him out of there.
Sorry. This is very hard for me to watch. My father has not been in good health for years, and this was finally the straw that broke the monkey's back with the CHF. He is miserable, and doesn't have health insurance, and that I can't be with him 24/7 is driving me bonkers.
This is the first time I have ever had to go through this with a parent. It is a big frightening and alarming when it is one of your own. I don't like this nurse, I haven't liked her since she started with him on Friday (they work 7 days on 7 days off for 12 hour shifts) and I have been quite disturbed by her lack of attention already to my father and she is with him for at least a few more days. He won't rock the boat, and I feel it's up to me to make sure he is getting the best care that he possibly can.
In this case, I am a daughter, not a nurse.
You are going through a difficult time and you don't like this nurse. Where on earth is your father where nursing staff works 12 hour shifts, 7 days on 7 days off ? I have worked in some tough jobs but never have I been worked like that. You know as a nurse you can't just say someone is falsifying a medical record unless you are there to see it. You need to go there unannounced and see how the land lays but I am having problems with your attitude of not liking a particular nurse who would be by this time wore out mentally and physically from working 4 12s in a row as it is Monday today and you said she started with him Friday. Why is your father in a hospital or facility though he is 51 where the staff is done like that? I would move him for that reason alone. Something is just weird about this.
Some of us have had the compassion in us either beaten out or chewed off by pts, MDs,management and the public.
Having a sick parent allows us to feel anger, but does not give us permit to behave badly. And behaving badly is not going to fix the issues that the OP is concerned with.
Much like when an MD is nasty to us and throws something at us. Then management tells us just put up with it, "because he is so stressed". It is useless and needless and does not correct the issues causing problems.
Compassion is useless compared to seeking commonsense solutions.
I really feel like I can identify with SweettartRN because my Dad has had RA for the past 20 years. I'm very close to him, too and he has a huge soft spot in my heart. It's certainly not as severe a disease process as CHF is, of course, but as you all know, it severely impairs functional ability, and he will live a shorter life because of it. I constantly worry about his high probability of developing heart disease, and I get pretty weepy whenever I think about all the "what ifs", and even the inevitable.
Also, I should add that her father is grown adult who lives hours away, and it really shouldn't be up to her to monitor him. My mother is a diabetic and if I could have the power to control how she ate and exercised, I would. Then again, she's a grown adult who does as she pleases regardless of what anyone tells her. SweettartRN shouldn't be wholly responsible for her father's health.
I have dealt with some people (personally and professionally) in my life who make the choice to let their anger get the best of them, fly off the handle, and just yell. I've gotten yelled by family members at over doctors not seeing the patient when they said they'd visit (Whoops...a level one trauma case came in unexpectedly), yelled at over not getting their meal tray when they want it (I can't control what goes on in the cafeteria), and not giving pain meds when they were due (sorry my other patient coded and I forgot you were entitled to your Vicodin dose that you could have had 15 minutes ago). When it happens, I just take a minute to listen to them, try my hardest to empathize (even when they're being really nasty) and try my hardest to be the calm and collected MATURE ONE.
When person A is raising her voice, being very confrontional, accusatory, and immature on the phone, it doesn't take a genius to realize that when person B just hangs up the phone, it not only doesn't really solve the problem; it makes the bad situation even worse. And it goes both ways, though: it doesn't take a genius to realize that raising your voice, being confrontational, and accusatory doesn't really solve the problem either. The wrath that is your communication style is just going to make everyone you're trying to order around want to avoid you.
So, that all being said (sorry for being a windbag btw, y'all), as unprofessional as the nurse was by hanging up the phone on the patient's daugher, it was very rude of the patient's daughter to confront her in such an hostile, volitle way, and she shouldn't be surprised that her rude approach resulted in a rude reaction.
I'm not giving out any sympathy because I see a problem that will continue to be a problem as long as the OP chooses to not be diplomatic and respectful. She will continue to butt heads with her father's nurses as long as she acts this way towards them all. I refuse to take sides here because I think both parties in this situation acted less than exemplary. I think it's concerning that sweettartRN was present at her father's bedside for days, but THEN decided to lash out from behind a phone call. I think the matter would have resulted in better satisfaction for everyone if she just CALMLY discussed her concerns about possible neglect with the charge nurse and refuse to have that nurse care for him after the first shift (and no need to include her apparent smoking habit- it has NOTHING to do with her ability to give good nursing care). This was something that you could have dealt with with the charge nurse or a social worker while you were present in the hospital. Some hospitals have "patient advocates" for these very situations. Unfortunately, your father will have to be admitted to a hospital again, so you MUST learn to be more congenial, pleasant, and know how to utilize social services when you're unhappy with his care, otherwise you're going to be that known as that "lunatic daughter of Mr. So-and-so who's a nurse know-it-all". As frustrated as you will be sometimes, the saying "you attract more bees with honey than vinegar" REALLY rings true in this case. And when your dad doesn't want to "rock the boat", you should be his advocate and encourage him to take what little control he has while hospitalized and ensure he gets the care he's entitled to. Sorry to say this, but not every nurse is incredible, and when it's your health in their hands, you should fight to have a say. I would just encourage you to be very, very pleasant and come from a place of respect. I don't think you did that this time.
I think the nurse should definitely apologize to you for hanging up on you, not choosing to be professional, and not trying to come up with a solution. But, I also think you should AT LEAST apologize for the way you acted in the heat of the moment. Saying "I'm sorry I let my frustrations get the best of me and yelled at you" might do a lot to mend some fences. I suspect that both of you might be too proud to apologize to each other, though. I think your best option at this point is speak with the manager calmly, explain there's a serious personality clash, request a change in nurses (too bad if your dad doesn't like it), and then don't take him back to that hospital if you can help it. When he's inpatient somewhere else, try your hardest to be proactive, assertive and respectful.
Along with the "tough love" I'm giving you, I am wishing you a lot of luck with your dad. Seeing sick patients at work has made me cherish my family and friends even more than I did, and I see how hard it is for everyone involved, and really feel for them because I know I'll be in their place one day. Good luck. :)
I'm wondering if you have had an opportunity to talk with your father's doctors- is the cough new maybe from a HAP? Or is it merely still due to fluid overload? Or with a constant cough like that I wonder if it could be from an ACE inhibitor? I hope your father mends up nicely and starts to feel better
Psychtrish39, BSN, RN
290 Posts
You are going through a difficult time and you don't like this nurse. Where on earth is your father where nursing staff works 12 hour shifts, 7 days on 7 days off ? I have worked in some tough jobs but never have I been worked like that. You know as a nurse you can't just say someone is falsifying a medical record unless you are there to see it. You need to go there unannounced and see how the land lays but I am having problems with your attitude of not liking a particular nurse who would be by this time wore out mentally and physically from working 4 12s in a row as it is Monday today and you said she started with him Friday. Why is your father in a hospital or facility though he is 51 where the staff is done like that? I would move him for that reason alone. Something is just weird about this.