Single mother questions

LaughingRN · Mar 7, 2012

The solution is to stop feeling guilty.

Hard, I know.

As a former single mom, I worked my way through a 4 year program, struggling every step of the way.

I am married now, have a way more comfortable life than I have ever known before, I have a 10 year old who does not remember our "journey".

He doesn't remember the tears, the cheap food, the poo accommodations and the poo life, my apologies to him..

He doesn't remember anything except for the status quo.

Sometimes I wish he did. I think it would make him a stronger person. (not because I'm sadistic, but because I think children are sometimes so sheltered from the real world, that sometimes they end up with no coping skills when things don't go exactly their way)

I know that I've wandered with my thoughts (sorry)

but, your daughter is 2 1/2

The older your children get, the easier it gets. As time passes, you develop more and more strategies to overcome the hurdles.

Try not to feel guilty for playing the game we call life. Most people aren't born with "everything" and all your daughter needs is to know that you love her, and that she is safe.

Okay, basically all I wanted to say was:

Your daughter is perfectly fine and not being damaged in any way if her family is watching her when you work... If they don't care, continue on guilt free!

allnurses Guide · Mar 7, 2012

Is there an SON or community college nearby? You might find a student, even better a student nurse, who needs a place in return for sitting.

Mine were 6, 9 and 12 when their dad died. It is doable:hug:

MixedBellaRN · Mar 9, 2012

Thank you

MomRN0913 · Mar 9, 2012

I have been a RN and a mother for relatively the same amount of time 2 1/2 years. I am a single mother and because my daughter is so young I am having the hardest time finding the balance. I work night shift, which requires the help of my grandfather and sisters. I feel guilty that I consume so many of their nights especially my sister who is only 31. I tried getting a 9-5 but 6 months in I had to go back to nights because the money wasn't working. Now I'm back and confused and my 2 yo everynight after parttime daycare says "mommy i want home." but she has to go to her great grandfather's place instead some nights so i can work . It hurts my heart so I wanted to know if anyone had any similar situations and what solutions you all used.

I had a very similar issue. My exH and I separated when my D was 6 months old, while I was working per diem nights int he ICU (went per diem as a joint decision 2 nights a week when we had the baby) well, anyways, he left and I went back full time. I had him watch her 2 nights of the week, but i usually needed help one night, os I had to ask my dad who is retired, but doesn't live horribly close. I have no other family I felt bad..... we would often fight when he couldn't do it an my schedule got messed up and I hated that.

My D did go to daycare twice a week so I could sleep. It worked well, she was young, she was fine with it. Eventually I went days because the nights weren't working anymore. But then the money was not enough! Shortly after I went days I got a job as a NM in a different facility and I figured 8:30-5, great! Put my D in daycare full-time (which she loved) but in management, there is no 8:30-5! It was awful and I left for different reasons 6 months in a nd was on unemployment for 5 months which was great.

Then I got a regular hour job, but it is really far and I can't stand it, so I am looking around.

Right now, I am in the interview process with a home care company. My D is going to kindergarten in september and I want to be close by and have her home at a decent hour to do homework and the such. This home care agency doesn't have you come in until 8:30, you set your day as you want, and you are free to do the paperwork at home.

The money is going backwards for me, but I will take on-call hours or weekend admissions if I get the job.

Homecare seems to be the most flexible option there is.

I bet your family is really understanding and do it because they love you and your child.

And as far as your DD goes, she will adjust to the daycare. My daughter loves it so much, that when I went on unemployment, I had to continue to pay out of my butt because she wanted to go and thrives on routine due to the divorce. (and her age)

I just want you to know i understand the troubles. When trying to get a job, everyone says "but your a nurse with 6 years of experience, 5 of ICU, you should have no problem finding work" Yeah, I am sure i can find a job, but it's the trick of getting it to work with the single parent lifestyle.

You'll figure it out, in the meantime, use the resources you have.

MomRN0913 · Mar 9, 2012

I didn't see the other posts when I posted.

Mothers who are nurses are exceptionally strong people who somehow make it work!

Kudos to all of you who posted for overcoming the crappy hand dealt.

It's how you play the cards.

MixedBellaRN · Mar 9, 2012

Yes thank you a everyone for being so transparent. It's funny because it should be so easy, it's only three nights a week. But that turns into 6 day usually because there's the couple hours before, the night of, and the morning after when you are a complete zombie. I am appreciating All of this information and I'm definitely taking it all in.