Silly family members, Trix are for kids!

enchantmentdis, BSN, RN · May 3, 2011

Overbearing, boorish, ignorant, impudent, and aggressive family members are THE NUMBER ONE reason why i left acute care nursing in the large hospitals after 16 years of trying to figure out how to keep these lame individuals from reporting me to management for the most inane things. For instance, every time i tried to enforce the visiting rules, i.e. 2 visitors at a time or visiting hours over at 8 pm--i would be reported to management for being rude, and, of course would be written up the next day.

When i asked parents to not let their toddlers and teens run through the ward unsupervised i was reported and written up. Any simple thing got me reported--the doctor didn't visit the pt, my body language and tone of voice bothered the family, the nursing students had complaints that i wasn't giving my undivided attention to them--the list goes on and on. And for many of those years i had a sadistic manager who relished writing up every infraction. Everyone in the ward hated this manager and she wasn't going to leave, so i left. She would actually go from room to room for two hours each morning, and i would hear her ask family members and patients "Is there anything that the nurse could improve on, is she late with your meds or treatments, is she friendly?--Give people a reason to complain and they will. She'd have a whole list of complaints by the end of this daily scene. It was awful. Some patients even said they felt sorry for the nurses having a manager like that.

Finally i am in hospice as a full time on call nurse. I rarely get treated badly by family members because i am the fix it person. I tried hospice case management, which is totally different--family members can be pretty nasty to the case managers because they see them more often and the case managers are more responsible for equipment, meds, etc... I deliberately took a pm shift hospice position so that i could avoid family members in snf's and alf's because they are gone in the evenings, thank God. And usually if a hospice patient is home there is only one or two relatives to deal with and most appreciate my visits. And i always make sure to call the family member if i visit a facility-- to give them an update--God forbid if you don't. Once, however, i called a daughter to report that the hospice doc had ordered a new medication for a patient, but the daughter did not answer so i left a message. Well, she called the office wanting to "speak to the nurse who ordered this med, how ridiculous" When i called her back i told her a nurse cannot order meds; can only report her assessment findings to the doctor, then the doctor orders the meds. She would not be placated. I finally told her that it was okay to refuse the med for her mother, that she had that right. I called the MD and got it dc'd. No sweat off my brow. I just don't know why the daughter had to be so over the top about it. I'm getting way too old too have patience with melodramatic people, but this is so much better than acute care.

xx--RN--xx · May 3, 2011

duplicate

xx--RN--xx · May 3, 2011

I worked pedi several years and it was the families that made me quit. I used to try passive agressive combat. Smile, agree to anything, then do it my way anyway.

Parents are the #1 reason I won't work with kids. Its a shame too because I like kids and really think I could make a positive impact with that particular demographic. My hat is off to whomever can work with overbearing parents.

The problem with the passive aggressive approach is that it doesn't solve the problem. It only sweeps it under the rug. The parent remains ignorant regarding the care of the child while thinking they know what is best. This will be passed on to the next shift's nurse etc. Perhaps explaining the medical rationale for doing it "your way" would be much wiser investment over the long term.

JMO (BTW, take my advice with a grain of salt. This from a nurse who won't even go near a children's hospital BECAUSE of the parents and I'm suggesting that YOU be up front and honest with the parents...tee hee...hypocrite much?)

caregiver1977 · May 3, 2011

testing

caregiver1977 · May 3, 2011

I wish someone was allowed to do/say something about the kids that are allowed to scream/cry/run all over the hospital like they have no home training. I don't expect kids to be totally quiet, but when I was recovering from having a baby I actually had a kid to open the door and come in the room.

abbaking · May 4, 2011

My all time "favorite" family member from HELL was the wife of a frequent flyer 40-something man. Basic acute medical patient. The man was a very submissive, passive Weak guy. Wife was another story.

The woman (40-something school teacher) was convinced that the staff were trying to make sexual advances on him due to the staff chacking his foley and giving catheter care. She would complain about EVERYTHING under the sun. She would come to the nurses station and make a scene (drama queen!) and raise her voice and yell.

This woman made the shift so unbearable because she was (in my medical opinion) an unmedicated manic depressive: one extreme to another. Happy one minute then out of nowhere she would be literally crying on the floor in the fetal position sucking her thumb. Sometimes she would be "fine" and makes jokes to herself and laugh out loud. Other times she was rocking on the chair next to her husband talking in a child-like girlish manner.

One time I entered the room and introduced myself as the NOC shift RN. All I remember is the wife screaming in my face about some petty BS and expecting first class treatment and blah, blah, blah. I said something to the likes of "Back off - your barking up the wrong tree" -Of course I got written up for being mean and "unprofessional". Another time after being verbally abused by this woman for a long time and a very hectic 12 hour shift, I was loopy and tired. She was very mad at me for something and I said "Don't be mad - get Glad".

This woman had complained up the organizational ladder - our manager met with us and basically said that this woman is a nutcase. Patient relations (who usually is out with their pitchforks looking to burn the staff alive) told us that the woman is crazy and to ignore her. After an incident of this lady throwing a cup of ice at the manager, was she BANNED from the hospital and arrested.

Later found out that the husband had cheated on her - Can't say I blame him - :yeah:

Moral of the story - Sometimes you feel like a nut, Sometimes you are nuts!

God puts those people on Earth so you can realize how lucky you are and to value your life

kool-aide, RN · May 4, 2011

my all time "favorite" family member from hell was the wife of a frequent flyer 40-something man. basic acute medical patient. the man was a very submissive, passive weak guy. wife was another story.
the woman (40-something school teacher) was convinced that the staff were trying to make sexual advances on him due to the staff chacking his foley and giving catheter care. she would complain about everything under the sun. she would come to the nurses station and make a scene (drama queen!) and raise her voice and yell.
this woman made the shift so unbearable because she was (in my medical opinion) an unmedicated manic depressive: one extreme to another. happy one minute then out of nowhere she would be literally crying on the floor in the fetal position sucking her thumb. sometimes she would be "fine" and makes jokes to herself and laugh out loud. other times she was rocking on the chair next to her husband talking in a child-like girlish manner.
one time i entered the room and introduced myself as the noc shift rn. all i remember is the wife screaming in my face about some petty bs and expecting first class treatment and blah, blah, blah. i said something to the likes of "back off - your barking up the wrong tree" -of course i got written up for being mean and "unprofessional". another time after being verbally abused by this woman for a long time and a very hectic 12 hour shift, i was loopy and tired. she was very mad at me for something and i said "don't be mad - get glad".
this woman had complained up the organizational ladder - our manager met with us and basically said that this woman is a nutcase. patient relations (who usually is out with their pitchforks looking to burn the staff alive) told us that the woman is crazy and to ignore her. after an incident of this lady throwing a cup of ice at the manager, was she banned from the hospital and arrested.
later found out that the husband had cheated on her - can't say i blame him -
moral of the story - sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you are nuts!
god puts those people on earth so you can realize how lucky you are and to value your life

don't be mad, get glad!!!! hahahahahhaha! i must use that line. :yeah: that's so awesome. but, the best part is that your manager/administration stuck up for you! good for you and your facility!

caregiver1977 · May 4, 2011

My all time "favorite" family member from HELL was the wife of a frequent flyer 40-something man. Basic acute medical patient. The man was a very submissive, passive Weak guy. Wife was another story.
The woman (40-something school teacher) was convinced that the staff were trying to make sexual advances on him due to the staff chacking his foley and giving catheter care. She would complain about EVERYTHING under the sun. She would come to the nurses station and make a scene (drama queen!) and raise her voice and yell.
This woman made the shift so unbearable because she was (in my medical opinion) an unmedicated manic depressive: one extreme to another. Happy one minute then out of nowhere she would be literally crying on the floor in the fetal position sucking her thumb. Sometimes she would be "fine" and makes jokes to herself and laugh out loud. Other times she was rocking on the chair next to her husband talking in a child-like girlish manner.
One time I entered the room and introduced myself as the NOC shift RN. All I remember is the wife screaming in my face about some petty BS and expecting first class treatment and blah, blah, blah. I said something to the likes of "Back off - your barking up the wrong tree" -Of course I got written up for being mean and "unprofessional". Another time after being verbally abused by this woman for a long time and a very hectic 12 hour shift, I was loopy and tired. She was very mad at me for something and I said "Don't be mad - get Glad".
This woman had complained up the organizational ladder - our manager met with us and basically said that this woman is a nutcase. Patient relations (who usually is out with their pitchforks looking to burn the staff alive) told us that the woman is crazy and to ignore her. After an incident of this lady throwing a cup of ice at the manager, was she BANNED from the hospital and arrested.
Later found out that the husband had cheated on her - Can't say I blame him -
Moral of the story - Sometimes you feel like a nut, Sometimes you are nuts!
God puts those people on Earth so you can realize how lucky you are and to value your life

That is all well and good that she was banned and arrested, but I wonder if that would have happened had she thrown the cup at you rather than the manager?

I think this lady taught at my middle school:lol2: