Should I just quit?

[Noideanurse1, BSN]

I have been a nurse less than one year and have been at two hospitals. My first position was enormous, specialized and high acuity, 5 patients and often, 1 tech on shift. Trainers were impatient, belittling to new grad and too busy for teaching. I was alone for a whole shift by my 4th one, overwhelmed, and had little to no direction. I was terrified of making a mistake. I began having panic attacks and did not want to continue on there. Was mutually decided with management that I find a different path. 
 

After I went to a med surg unit, assigned 5-6 patients and did well for a while. Acuity levels were rising and my assignments seemd extremely difficult, almost every shift. I never sat down, was always behind and noticed other nurses and tech having time to sit, chart and chat...again, most nights. I walked around for 12-14 hours non-stop and currently have shin splints.
I was in the military and no stranger to hard work...I actually enjoy it. But not when it feels unsafe for me or my patients. 
 

Most shifts I was overwhelmed and was very vocal about not being able to handle it. I'd felt with senior staffs harassment many times, and also brought it up to leadership. A shift with a charge who snapped at and ignored me when I asked for help, doesn't like me, I'm pretty sure. That's fine, but I don't take lightly being disrespected or retaliated against. One patient was experiencing symptoms mines not comfortable with and not able to give the proper attention to due to my heavy assignment. I had them assessed by MET nurses and they were upgraded. 
 

my charge was mad I didn't tell her I'd callled them. I didn't know I was supposed to. Snapped at me and left. I was behind, informed her at the beginning of the shift, and she interrupted me and belittled me for not saying what I needed and had the most aggressive expression and tone of voice all night.  

following the upgrade that room was cleaned and turned over quickly and I was given another patient, faster than I'd ever seen on that unit. 
 

I am slow at charting, and have anxiety, but I am always there for patients and staff, have excellent patient care and care about others! Im a combat veteran and no stranger to hard work or difficult situations. I have noticed though, my assignments are very heavy and it feels personal. I was so taken back by the aggressive reaction to me asking for help...had me in tears more than once, while trying to manage more than I could and much I didn't know how to.
 

I'm always behind, and stressed...I feel like I'm a horrible nurse. And I feel so alone there...was making my anxiety worse. I met with upper management to address the aggressive and harassing behavior of several senior staff members and the behavior of my charge that night. One nurse harassed new grads daily, humiliated them in front of patients, demanded perfection in report but left a mess for others.  Another  charge said to me...I was too dumb or stressed to keep up...I wasn't going to be supported if I made an error.  

I was terminated after (I imagine) the charge was talked to and informed of it as I was getting ready to go into work. I have too many call outs, but an equal amount of occurrences as other nurses do. I was fired though, for my attendance. 
I think it's bc I started to get loud about the mistreatment and bullying there and I kicked a hornets nest. I got stung. 
 

I am relieved to be out of that toxic environment but scared about my track record as new grads and less than a year under my belt. 
I can handle stress, but not as a nurse with a team that will leave you when you're asking and needing help, and retaliates against you for doing so. I won't. 

I'm not the only one who felt this from her or saw what happened that night. I feel like I became the scapegoat once I began reporting events.
I have a lot of improving to do, have anxiety and PTSD, admittedly. This felt personal though and I won't work with people who treat me like that or who are capable of standing and watching someone struggle and puts patients in danger. 

What do I do now? 

[Noideanurse1, BSN]

I know it sounds like a lot of complaining. There was so much that happened I would have to write a novel to explain it properly. I feel sick to my stomach atm with it all. There is a mean girl vibe that I don't understand, don't care really. I'm there for the patients and fellow nurses. I couldn't not t say anything about what was happening. Feel like a failure and I've tried so hard to get here

 

[Noideanurse1, BSN]

I realize that no one has responded to my post. I just wanted to clarify that not only was it extremely stressful being a new grad in that environment, there's been a great deal of stress going on at home. I encourage all new grads to make sure that they have the support that they need to be able to thrive, nursing is hard enough. Definitely making some changes myself.! 

[toomuchbaloney]

Noideanurse1 said:

I realize that no one has responded to my post. I just wanted to clarify that not only was it extremely stressful being a new grad in that environment, there's been a great deal of stress going on at home. I encourage all new grads to make sure that they have the support that they need to be able to thrive, nursing is hard enough. Definitely making some changes myself.! 

It's difficult to respond to a post like yours.  I'm retired.  So I can't offer contemporary work related support.  

You clearly were in a work relationship that was not meeting your needs as a professional.  That experience in emotionally traumatic.  It just is.  

If you can access some counseling, that will help you to avoid spiraling from the trauma.  Good luck.

[HiddenAngels]

First of ALL,

It is not YOU!!

Did you hear me, it is NOT YOU!

I've been around a few places and fortunately, they are not a one size fit all, so there's hope.  Clearly, that was not the place for you, so you have to find your new home.  It's like finding a nice apt.  Sometimes you have to budget and take the crappy place until you can find something better.  Unfortunately, you went to the landlord and voiced your concerns and complaints, and they threw you out.  

They did you a favor!  They are miserable high-schoolers and you are too grown for them.  That behavior is toxic and they tend to feed off of each other from mgmt on down and that's why they are allowed to get away with it. 

Now, go out and explore, find another job you love and put all of them in your rearview.

There are plenty of other nurse jobs with all kinds of different experiences.  Find your happy place and space and make the world glad that you are here!

Good Luck!

[IntegrativeRN]

      I feel for you! Don't give up! Everyone deserves to be supported as a new nurse!! Keep applying to other jobs and fighting for yourself. If asked about the prior position, put a positive spin on the learning experience and do not, under any circumstances, speak ill of anyone. You can bring that here in anonymity but it's a red flag for hiring managers & you probably already know that haha. 
      I had one phenomenal kind/ patient/ funny preceptor and one very toxic/ angry/ impatient preceptor (to the point other nurses were calling her out on the spot saying, whoa, why are you so angry?) when I was orienting to my cardiac med-surg floor. It later came out that it irritated her (@ 25 y.o.) to precept me when I was older (35 y.o.) but a new nurse with less knowledge. She was also angry because I was a patient on the floor when I was offered the position and she had a friend who was about to finish school who she was hoping to convince the manager to hire.

     It did suck. I had chosen to stay home after passing the NCLEX years prior because my husband was on repeat cycles of deploying overseas. We were on an army base across the country from my family and support systems with little kids. My daughter had high acuity health needs and I put my career on hold out of necessity, so yeah, I was older and I felt totally unwelcomed by her between the two issues. I didn't find out about the friend she wanted to bring on-board until I was released on my own a few months later. Thankfully, the other preceptor more than made up for her lapses. 
     I just wanted to assure you that it is totally normal to be the nurse with no breaks when you start out! It takes time to develop time management and task proficiency. Just know that even in your next position, you'll likely get the same sense that everyone else has time to sit when you don't. You're still getting your sea legs.  
      I definitely experienced that feeling that high acuity cases I wasn't ready for were thrown my way too....I think it they do it to most new nurses to teach us. Not at all cool that they didn't support you through those cases though, because they shouldn't assign the teaching cases unless they plan to be there for you if you need them! It was the first time in my life I experienced panic attacks and was regularly choking on my panic on the way into work, fearing I'd be thrown something I truly couldn't handle (looking back, my health was tanking too and I just didn't know it yet). 
      My floor had a couple of amazing seasoned nurses always willing to answer a question, quite a few snarky eat-your-young types, and lots of singles who partied together (of all ages). My manager was half business/ half kind and personable. Unfortunately, she played favorites with some of the party girls who were her after hours drinking buddies and they had an in-road to talk to her anytime and preferential shift choices. I didn't feel like I could go to her with much of anything and was just trying to keep my head above water. Instead of going out and networking, I went home to my kids and tried to sync with their day schedules on any days off (I was on nights with no set days of the week).
      I ended up sinking under unanticipated health events spurred by the deep life stress both at and outside of work during that time and I lost my first position just shy of a full year in too. Looking back, I wish I felt like I could go to my manager and talk to her about a return to work plan. With what I had going on, I couldn't communicate well or anticipate the "when" part and it would have been unfair to ask them to hold a position when I was unsafe to practice due to my medical issues at the time. 
    I'm sharing because you are not alone. We don't all have a successful start out of the gate. I stepped away for 9 years and am just now coming back to active practice. You have a lot going for you though! There's no crazy work gap and you have skills from your time in the military (thank you for your service!) You just need a soft landing in the next position with enough good people to outweigh the unsupportive ones! 

[Amithrivingorsurvivubg]

Girl, ITS NOT YOU! I promise, its not! Please do not beat yourself up! You are going to find an environment with positive people and you will thrive! 

I admire you so much for speaking up for yourself! (I have tried to speak up for myself and it always got overlooked/ignored by management, leading to me quitting because I felt so depressed)

I understand exactly how you feel! Sometimes management doesn't want to be told how they should do things and its hard to bring up issues with other people on the unit because they have seniority and lets be honest....you don't know who is friends with you. 

So long as you are on a do not hire list you can still apply through that system. Never talk bad about any recent employer and just say something like "It wasn't a good fit" 

I would leave that system though and try to apply in another hospital system, get experience and then come back. There are so many avenues with nurses and always protect your license. 

Please try and take some time for yourself! read a book, go to the beach, etc. Give yourself about one-two weeks and then start applying! You got this! 

[prettymica, ASN, BSN, MSN, LPN, RN, APRN, NP]

 don't let this get you down. try an area like pre op, pre op testing, OR. Less stress on you

[CV72193]

What you describe sounds like you were working for a person who is psychotic. And should be fired, I don't care how much seniority they have, there is no excuse for that level of unprofessionalism in a setting where people's health and lives are at stake.

A bullying nurse cannot be a good nurse and the boards need to strip them of their license because that is the only thing that will force them to change their ways. Zero tolerance.

In any other profession, that charge you described would be a liability and so it should be the same for nursing.