She won't give me a chance!

Specialties Private Duty

Published

First off, I want to say that I love my patient's family, and they have been nothing but kind and gracious to me

However, I have been having a bit of a problem. I work night shift for a 10 month old baby. He has been having crying episodes at night due to some medical issues.

The problem I am having is that the baby isn't crying for more than a minute or two before the PCG comes out to console him.

I am getting frustrated because it is making it harder and harder for me to calm him, so she is having to get up more and more.

The other evening when I came to work, she was busy when he started fussing, so it was up to me to calm him. It took a few minutes, but he finally responded and fell asleep in my arms. After that, we had a great night. He was easy to console, and I had no problems comforting him.

He is fussy tonight, and the PCG has been up for a while with him (~2:30 am).

It makes me feel bad because I feel like they wonder why I can't console him better after almost 6 months. But it is very hard to find what works for us when she intervenes so quickly. The more she steps in, the less he is going to accept me.

Any suggestions on what I can do? Do I just accept it and not feel guilty that she is choosing to get up at night? I feel bad for the PCG when she has to go without sleep. I am supposed to be here to relieve them so they can rest! I would be happy to be the one to comfort him if she would give me a chance!

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Specializes in Pediatric Private Duty; Camp Nursing.

Any way you can just have a frank talk w the mom? You can keep it lighthearted and remind them that while nurses are there, "You're off the clock!" Another thing I say is that I remind them that the best thing they can do for their child is to be well-rested. A child always deserves parents who are fully rested and alert, to have parents who present their best selves every day. It's hard to lie awake and hear your own child cry, so the parenting instinct is hard for this one to resist. I have a mom who did resist the urge, but now after two years feels sad that other people took care of her daughter at night and she feels like she missed some bonding time. I fully understand how you feel, though.

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It's a fine line to walk. There are parents who NEVER interact with a child and then there are parents who never let the nurse do a thing.

Is the PCG not the mom??

For a 10-month-old, I'd probably be in there checking on my baby. Maybe you can talk to the PCG and explain that she can rest while you are there. That it will take a few minutes longer to comfort him because you are not the mom (or whoever the PCG is (maybe elaborate on the bond he has with her) but he will be comforted. And guarantee her that if he is inconsolable or the cry is from severe pain or a change in status, you will wake her immediately.

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Thank you for your responses.

I am very hesitant to say anything because technically, she is doing nothing wrong, and I just don't feel it is my place as an outsider.

An no, this particular care giver is not the mom, but she and the child are extremely close.

I just feel like my confidence is shaken a little. I don't want the family to think the care I give is sub par.

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Specializes in assisted living.

You could say something lighthearted as suggested, but I am sure they think you are doing an excellent job. That is just how some parents (me included) are. Now keep in mind I have never worked PDN...I haven't even graduated yet! So take my thoughts for what they are worth :-) I even have a hard time letting my husband console our babies when they are little...not at all because I think he isn't up for the task...but because my baby's cry just seems to have this pull on me :-) They just pull at a mama's heartstrings...and that late night cuddle is welcomed. :-) Just explain what you are feeling...that she can rest and as you are able to be the one to soothe the babe, that she will get used to you and calm down quicker. Say that she is welcome in with the baby at anytime obviously but that you don't want her to think that you aren't willing to calm the baby yourself :-) I am sure she likes to check on the baby and isn't even thinking anything negative about your care :-)

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Well tonight mom gave me plenty of time, and he was just flat out inconsolable....until mom came and picked him up. =-(

I used to have a much better time calming him. The last several weeks have just been rough. He has been going through serious drug withdrawls, and I guess he just needs the comfort of family.

I hope I am just being paranoid, but it just seems like he doesn't like me anymore!

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The rest of the night has been better. He actually let me hold him and rock him for a while!

We have always gotten along great (and he is very picky about who he likes!), which has just made these last weeks very perplexing and frustrating.

This is all so different for me. It is definitely taking some getting used to.

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Specializes in assisted living.

Don't be too hard on yourself :-) It sounds like you are doing great and just the fact that you are worried about how things are going is a sign that you really care. 10 months is right at that age where they have so much separation anxiety. And yes all kids are different. If it makes you feel better, our first child was so attached to me and so stubborn that if I left him with DAD for the evening he would sit behind the rocking chair and cry for over an hour...sometimes I just had to come home. We have a fun, loving daddy at our house, but he just was adamant about having mom there. Our last baby is so much more of a daddy's boy and will let daddy do anything for/with him even if I am home. This is just what this little one needs right now. And yes...the crying probably gets worse because he knows if he cries long enough she will come and I can understand how frustrating that must be. If the parents don't mind, just let them console...maybe right away so it doesn't seem like he is "getting his way" by crying. If the parents end up being frustrated and wanting you to be able to console him, then if they let you and don't rescue him, after several days I bet he would figure it out and not cry so long. But who knows...like you said, all kids are different. hang in there. you are doing a great job and it will get easier :-)

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Thank you for your reply, Clearblue. It made me feel better.

After good nights, I feel like I could do this job forever. After bad nights, I want to run back to the relative anonymity of the NICU!

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My patient woke up in the BEST mood the other morning...smiling at me and giggling when I was playing with him!

He doesn't hate me after all. =-)

I am still having trouble calming him, though, when he is really crying. I hope that changes soon!

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Specializes in Peds, developmental disability.

Pretty sure it is the age!

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Ugh... a horrible night....and this time the PCG gave me plenty of time to console the child. He just would not accept anything but her.

I sure do hope this is a passing phase....

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