Severe back pain...born with it??

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Hi all,

I am entering Nursing School this fall '09, and wanted an official nurse's opinion, or someone that has perhaps had experience with this problem. My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years has always suffered from lower/mid back pain, and stiff back muscles. We live 9 hrs apart (school), so when I do see him (once or twice a month), I try and alleviate the pain by warming the muscles and slowly massaging and softening them using a variety of patterns and techniques.

The problem is that sometimes his back becomes so inflamed that he actually cannot stand even the slightest touch. I've never seen this type of reaction on anyone but him. He is 6'2", 186 lbs very fit and athletic guy. He used to play rugby, and is very much a "guy's guy". I've noticed from day one that across his back runs 3 parallel "scar" like marks. He has never said what they were, except to "leave 'em alone, and don't stress about them." Given his history of rough sports, I left it alone. Finally, a few days ago after a particularly painful episode, I demanded that he tell me if anything previously happened to his back that would render it so sore. All he said was that he was born with it, and that he didn't want to discuss it.

I am unsure how to handle this. I am reluctant to mess with his back at all (though he does insist the massaging does help), since I do not know a) what it is, b) why he's so hesitant to tell me, and c) what kind of lower/mid back issues you can be born with that appear perfectly normal on the exterior surface, minus the 3 scars I mentioned. They are not perfectly parallel, more like irregular. How do I go about this? He has seen a chiropractor, but they were anything but helpful, insisting he was just sore and to rub some mineral ice on it. That was my first thought as well, but now I believe it is an actual problem. I sincerely doubt he told the chiro that he was born with the problem. It kills me to see him in so much pain! Any tips or advice, or thoughts on what it could be?

Thank you so much, in advance!!:clown:

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Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.

More concerning to me is that he has been your BF for 3.5 years and still does not feel comfortable disclosing the nature of his back injury.

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i agree, to a point. maybe its nothing. maybe he is just uncomfortable disclosing personal issues, even to me. that is totally ok. im the same way. i already know of all the issues involved with his back from sports, working out, etc., many of which his parents do not know of. he is not a complainer, nor is he going to make a big deal out of something he does not think is an actual problem. typical guy. he was born in romania, if that helps shed any light on the subject.

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Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.

So, what is your actual question?

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haha i guess tht was never very clear :p sorry!! my actual question would be what kind of back problem can u be born with that would cause continual soreness within the back, if any? is there any way to aid the problem via nutrition (knowing as a baby he was born in an under developed easter european country) ? and since the pain seems to be exterior, is it ok to continue massage as an aid? thank you so much!!!

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Specializes in Day Surgery, Agency, Cath Lab, LTC/Psych.

Taking a total, random guess here...Was it possible that he was abused as an infant/child. You didn't mention whether or not your boyfriend was adopted, but I have heard very sad stories about Romanian orphanages. Its possible that he experienced some very traumatic abuse as a child and would prefer to not relive it by talking to you about it. Again, this was just a total guess.

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thank you for your post. that is actually why i do not push the issue with him. it is a veryyyyyy different world over there, especially for younger children, and one that i know is very difficult for him to speak about. he was not adopted, but he was raised by his grandparents 70 percent of his childhood, and i believe some of that time was spent in "care" facilities. could the back problem come from the fact that he may have been lacking in correct nutrition as a baby? or was perhaps dropped, fallen etc? i know he did flip off of a swing at 4 yrs old, and snapped his collarbone. not sure if thats relative at all. and is there anyway to really know, and/or begin to remedy now?

thank you everyone for your time!! i very much appreciate your time, thoughts, and words of advice. it reiterates to me why i wish to enter this profession! :nurse:

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my bil has neck and back problems from forceps at birth....as well as migraines

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Specializes in Neuro ICU and Med Surg.
Taking a total, random guess here...Was it possible that he was abused as an infant/child. You didn't mention whether or not your boyfriend was adopted, but I have heard very sad stories about Romanian orphanages. Its possible that he experienced some very traumatic abuse as a child and would prefer to not relive it by talking to you about it. Again, this was just a total guess.

Those were my exact thoughts when she mentioned the scars on his back.

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