Self Guilt Leaving Bedside

[A.cocke9]

I can't shake this feeling of self guilt that I've imposed on my self for leaving bedside. 
 

background I have 4 years of intense bedside nursing on high acuity medsurg and have developed a lot of skills and knowledge. I took a step away right before Covid and went to day surgery, which at my hospital, is a mixture of inpatient and actual day surgery. I've been there for almost 5 years. All was good until it wasn't. I love my current job, but the culture has got increasingly toxic, petty and way too much drama for my liking. 
 

Subsequently I took a leap and applied for a job closer to home that I thought in no way would I land. Well, I landed it. Program coordinator of infection prevention. I know I'm deserving and all my nursing struggles have made me extremely worthy for this exciting new step in my nursing career, but when will my guilt subside!? 
 

thanks,

anxious mess

[JKL33]

What is the basis of this guilt? Examples:

- A belief that your skills are more needed at the job you are leaving than the job you are taking

- Feeling bad that the old job could have staffing holes in your absence

- The idea of missing some of the old coworkers

- A belief that the type/area of nursing at the old place is better/more acuity/more impressive (etc) on some sort of nursing hierarchy than the type/area of nursing involved in the new place

- A feeling of lack of loyalty to the old employer, evidenced by leaving that employer

- A feeling of regret at not being stronger/able to work around the drama

- Belief that you don't deserve to have the new role (or, sort of related, a need to hear that you do deserve the new role)

I am not suggesting any of these are what you should feel (at all!), just some things that came to mind that sometimes bother people. I'm sure there are many others

So what has you feeling guilty?

[mdsRN2005, ASN, BSN, RN]

JKL33 said:

I am not suggesting any of these are what you should feel (at all!), just some things that came to mind that sometimes bother people. I'm sure there are many others

So what has you feeling guilty?

I agree and am curious why you feel guilty.  But I see zero reason you should. If your guilt is a misplaced feeling of loyalty to your former employer, consider that if they'd fixed their toxic culture you wouldn't have had to leave.  However, having made the switch to nonclinical myself, I would hazard a guess you're feeling guilty over not providing hands on care.  I struggled with this too at first, especially since I initially made that switch at the beginning of the pandemic.  I felt guilty that I wasn't "in the trenches" with my old ER buddies, and that I wasn't "saving lives" by providing hands on care.  But then I looked at it a different way.  My position then (which was infection control focused on preventing the transmission of Covid as well as providing case management of infected patients) was equally important.  For one thing, I realized if I could prevent the spread of the disease I could keep people out of the ER and off the vent (versus intubating them knowing they probably wouldn't make it off).  Then I looked at my case load and realized I usually was overseeing the care of 200-300 people.  In the ER I would've just been taking care of 3-4.  Looking at it this way helped me realize that not only was my job equally important but that I actually had an opportunity to make a difference on a larger scale.  (By no means downplaying clinical nurses, both are equally important).  I'd encourage you to look at it the same way.  First look at how many patients you're "helping" in your current role versus how many you took care of on a typical day in your previous one.  And secondly, look at how you prevent illness.   Hope this mindset shift helps you as much as it did me.  And most of all, I hope you absolutely love your new position!  

[Carole]

Hi,

Based on your recount, it seems you miss bedside nursing, which explains the guilty feeling. I would reflect on both the current and the old job and compare what I like and dislike about each and hopefully your answer would result from it. 

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

Is it imposter syndrome? That can have some guilt attached to it. Imposter syndrome is very common in women. It's the feeling that you aren't truly qualified for something that you are actually qualified for. If so, time helps, recognizing your own achievements helps, talking about it helps, and not talking about it makes it worse. 

[DavidFR, BSN, MSN, RN]

You have no reason to feel guilty. 4 years in your first job then 5 years in your second is good going. It's actually good to move on, evolve, experience new things, expand your skill set etc. Seems to me you're doing the right thing - and your new rôle is no less worthy than your previous rôles.

Move forward with enthusiasm and enjoy. Good luck.