Seeking advice. Experienced Nurse. Something is off and IDK if its me or them or a combination.

[BeatsPerMinute, BSN, RN]

Hey everyone,

I'm 7 years into my nurse career (background: pediatric foster home care <1 year, ICU-cardiac @ lvl 1 trauma hospital for 3+ years, pre/post care 1-2 years in hospital, intra-op care approx 1 year CathLab + IR in hospital, and some outpatient gigs here and there. 

First half was great, and then after there were "ups and downs." This last year has been very rough. Maybe COVID plays a factor in someway however am trying to not to blame COVID on things. I have noticed more "politics" occuring in the last 1-2 years. Lotsa mistrust amongst nurses and staff. I cannot figure out if I am just ending up in the wrong environments, or that I just don't get along with women well, or if there's multiple reasons or if anyone has experienced anything similar. 

Has anyone experienced feelings like this? I've done counseling and EAP... mixed feelings w/ that because per counselors and EAP: "you are being gas lit" and they also don't understand why I have experienced those things, nor the unfortunate events that have occured... its left me with "it sounds like you've just had a lotta bad luck, which happens." 

Is it just me? Has anyone gone through that process of trying to figure that stuff out, for themselves, and to not fall into "traps" (ex: being gas-lit, or being told that 'being too honest is your problem'... stuff like that).  

Starting to hate nursing...I love caring for people. I'm vigilant. ICU is my favorite. I get to know my patients and am VERY OCD to ensure that patients are getting safe care and great care. Looking back, doing some self reflection, I've had way better experiences working with men over women. If I don't participate in the gossip / just walk away, I get crap for it from the women.. I literally don't understand the appeal of gossip (it brings me down) and/ or why I get crap for avoiding it. Grew up a total tomboy. I get men than I do women.

Maybe nursing isn't for me? 

I hope this makes sense and appreciate feedback.

[LibraNurse27, BSN, RN]

If ICU is your favorite, maybe you can go back to ICU. Many ICUs are desperate for experienced nurses right now. Maybe even travel nursing so you can move on quickly if the work environment or coworkers don't work well for you. People are even "traveling" where they live due to the demand, so you could try places and take a full time if you find a place you like.

I'm not sure how to help you with the interpersonal stuff, but don't give up, there are nice female nurses out there! And I have noticed certain specialities like critical care and ER tend to have more men, if you really prefer working with men.