School, single parent? Tips!

[MickeyJ]

I am 65 days away from graduating with my BSN and my daughter is five. She was ten months old when I started taking some community college classses to get my math and chemistry up before I enrolled at the university. I was FAR from family and I cannot lie that it was hard. And I cannot say yet that it was worth it... I think it will be, and I know I will bawl my eyes out at graduation. But, I digress. Here is what I have learned (the hard way sometimes):

Nursing school can change the way you parent, if you let it. Sticking to a routine the best that you can in whatever works for you is the best advice anyone can give you. Give yourself permission to eat microwaveable meals and hot dogs and macaroni. This was hard for me to do, because I grew up with a mom who cooked a full meal everyday. And I would cook these dinners that half of the time she wouldn't eat and I didn't have a dishwasher and it was all energy that I didn't need to use. I found freezer microwave meals that I felt happy with, found out they actually didn't taste worse than my own cooking, and clean up was so easy! I don't have a dishwasher so that saved even more time. You don't have to be Pinterest-perfect right now. Time is your commodity so take short cuts that make sense. I wanted to be healthy perfect Bento-box mom. Right now I'm lunchable mom. I pick my battles.

Reach deep into your depths to be consistent with discipline; for me, this is hard to do under the best of circumstances. Nursing school makes it 100x harder. When you are exhausted from school and stressed to the brim, its sooooo much easier to leave the routine, or buy them too much b/c you feel guilty for "neglecting them" when you give so much time to school work. I have been lax far too many times and I am seeing the evidence of that now.

The absolute best thing I did for both of us is set a timer for 25 minutes a night where we did whatever she wanted. I'm not a parent who likes to play with 'My Little Ponies'- my inner child died somewhere along the line b/c its just torture. But I set that timer and I do it and the difference is night and day in her attitude and her feeling of getting attention. And it puts you in the "now" which is so hard to be in while you are in nursing school! I didn't start this until junior year but I wish I had started that earlier!

Keep a list of all of the people who you identify as potential babysitters. You never know when you will need a back-up.

Another struggle I had was the fluctuating schedules every four months (especially going to a brick and mortar school, traditional university). It was just brutal for me to get on a good sleep schedule, and many times I would let my schedule be her schedule. In hindsight, i wish I had done that differently. It worked out okay but I wish I had established a nightly routine earlier.

Finally, be gentle with yourself. This IS tough. I felt a little isolated in my cohort, as all but two of us were traditional college students, living on campus & were fresh out of high school when we began. I think I was 29 when I started the program and I just had such a different life compared to them that I found it hard to relate and it felt very isolating at times. It can be hard to find time to parent, study, and work out. But even taking a ten minute walk a day can do wonders for your mental health. When I couldn't do that (because I practically live in the tundra) I would listen to some guided meditations on youtube at night to help me ease the tension and help get me out of that frayed-wire feeling.

I feel like I'm in Sparta sometimes, wanting to be a great nurse and a great parent. Overall, I have faith that my path is aligned the way that it is supposed to be.

Oh, and coffee. Lots and lots of coffee.