School Nursing, Letter. Please Help Critique! :)

[Sl1011]

I'm applying for a position (there are 3 openings) as a School Nurse in my district. It's probably a long shot, but I thought I'd try! I have no idea how to write a Letter of Introduction, and I'm terrible at writing sometimes. I googled a template to help me get started. Please tell me what you think, and what you think I should change. I won't be offended at all!! I'd like to send this in tomorrow.

Name

Address

Number

June 5, 2011

Person I am addressing's Info

xxxx

xxxx

xxxx

xxxx

Dear Ms. XXXX:

My name is ........., and I am a Registered Nurse currently working on a busy Surgical Unit at a large teaching hospital. I have previous experience at a family practice that often saw children of all ages. For two years I operated a small in-home daycare for ages six weeks old all the way up to school age. I also have children of my own, and one child is currently in elementary school.

I believe I am a capable candidate for this position, because of my experience with children and my current experience on a busy Surgical unit at the hospital. There is an abundance of hands on nursing skills that I use frequently, and I know that will be useful as a school nurse. I have dealt with a couple small emergencies during my two years as a home daycare provider, and I am up to date with my Basic Life Support. I learn very quickly and work well independently and with others. "blank and blank's" children attended my home daycare, and they both work in the "blank" School District as teachers.

I have dreamed about becoming a School Nurse for a long time. My daughter currently attends an elementary school in the "Blank" District, and I have been very pleased with the school system. The teachers have been wonderful, and other staff members I have encountered are great as well. I would be thrilled and grateful to be a part of this school system.

Thank you for your time in reviewing my letter and application, and I look forward to hearing back from you.

Yours sincerely,

My Name

[evolvingrn, BSN, RN]

Cover letters are my weakness.......so take it with a grain of salt but i would not bring up your children so much in this letter? i would focus more on your skill set as a nurse and outline those more than the daycare experience and your desire to work in their district with a strong reputation ect....

Also important, do you have experience with children with special needs? diabetes, epilepsy, g-tubes, what about IEPS or working with parents within these populations in terms of developing care plans or family education?

[redessa]

My revisions - I took out redundancies and discussion of your own child as well as the "name dropping" of teachers who used your daycare services as it is my opinion that it does not speak to your nursing skills. You can provide character references at a later time if necessary.

My name is ........., and I am a Registered Nurse currently working on a busy Surgical Unit at a large teaching hospital. I have previous experience at a family practice which saw children of all ages. In addition, I operated a small in-home daycare for two years.

I believe I am a capable candidate for this position, because of my experience with children and my current experience at the hospital. I have an abundance of hands on nursing skills that will be useful as a school nurse. I am up to date with my Basic Life Support. I learn very quickly and work well both independently and with others.

I have dreamed about becoming a School Nurse for a long time. I have been very pleased with the local school system. The teachers and other staff members I have encountered have been wonderful. I would be thrilled honored to be a part of this wonderful district.

Thank you for your time in reviewing my letter and application, and I look forward to hearing back from you.

[MyGranniePanties]

You don't need a comma before because in the second paragraph. Also add the word "and" after thrilled on the revised letter. Sorry, grammar is my pet peeve :)