Sad, need to vent

alippin · Jun 13, 2010

I also have two children and this is how I look at it. You are doing something to help your family and become a better person. This intense schooling period is only temporary and in a few years it will be all worth it. I sat my kids down and talked to them and said that I will be studying a lot, as in every day for many hours. I told them it is only for 2 years and then mommy will be a nurse. They understand and know its important. I do try to make one day a week for fun time to do something special for them. Many times this is just a day at the pool or taking them to the park while I listen to lectures on my headphones. I also make plenty of cuddle time on the couch while I study and they are near me. Even these small things they really appreciate and feel like I am around.

You can make sure to include times like this and kids really seem to appreciate the small stuff. Tell them up front that you will most likely have books around you or in your hands constantly but you need to or you can't finish school. Mine are already proudly telling people "my mommy is going to be a nurse." Maybe also telling your 5 year old why it is important you do this and how you will be helping many people in the hospital etc. I know personally if I don't get this time with them I start to feel the guilt creep in so I try to get as many cuddle times as I can. At night if I am studying late, I just move things to my bed to read and let mine stay up late to watch TV by me or read a book. I think being able to do both things at the same ease the guilt and make them feel important. Maybe mark dates on the calendar for special times they can look forward to that you spend one on one time with your kid and let them pick the place.

pashark · Jun 13, 2010

I also have two children and this is how I look at it. You are doing something to help your family and become a better person. This intense schooling period is only temporary and in a few years it will be all worth it. I sat my kids down and talked to them and said that I will be studying a lot, as in every day for many hours. I told them it is only for 2 years and then mommy will be a nurse. They understand and know its important. I do try to make one day a week for fun time to do something special for them. Many times this is just a day at the pool or taking them to the park while I listen to lectures on my headphones. I also make plenty of cuddle time on the couch while I study and they are near me. Even these small things they really appreciate and feel like I am around.
You can make sure to include times like this and kids really seem to appreciate the small stuff. Tell them up front that you will most likely have books around you or in your hands constantly but you need to or you can't finish school. Mine are already proudly telling people "my mommy is going to be a nurse." Maybe also telling your 5 year old why it is important you do this and how you will be helping many people in the hospital etc. I know personally if I don't get this time with them I start to feel the guilt creep in so I try to get as many cuddle times as I can. At night if I am studying late, I just move things to my bed to read and let mine stay up late to watch TV by me or read a book. I think being able to do both things at the same ease the guilt and make them feel important. Maybe mark dates on the calendar for special times they can look forward to that you spend one on one time with your kid and let them pick the place.

Thank you. I going to use some of your suggestions. Frank

CBsMommy · Jun 13, 2010

OP - I know how you feel! I am a single Mom who already doesn't feel like I have enough time for my little boy. What I did to ease the feelings was to put a desk in my office for my son, with a toy laptop, papers, pens, crayons, etc. So when I'm working in my office, he can do his "homework" too. Then, Friday nights I make sure that I take time off from homework and we have our "date night" of a movie and popcorn, or playing the Wii, in our jammies. Then, I can pick up studying when he's asleep.

Like alippin, I also tell myself that this is for a short time and I am doing something to help our family. I also sat my son down and told him that I am doing this so that we can both have a better life. Even though he's three, he understands. Good luck and you will get through this!!!

Antonia Kelly · Jun 13, 2010

Your little boy is sooooo lucky to have you for a mother....he will REAP the benefits of your efforts: having a 'personal nurse', a happy mom, and (trust me on this--I've raised two children while working two jobs---both graduated from college, are happy and one recently married and is expecting her first child), he won't remember the times you weren't there---as long as the times that you ARE there with him is spent WITH him. Also, what you are striving for (completing your nursing studies and becoming a nurse) benefits everyone....thank you for this opportunity to respond.

Antonia Kelly · Jun 13, 2010

Oh, and thanks for choosing nursing...

CT Pixie, BSN, RN · Jun 13, 2010

I had the same thing going on while in LPN school. My little one was just starting kindergarten and was use to having me at home 24/7 always available at her beck and call. Once the little one realized like her, mommy was at school, it seemed to ease the sadness a bit. I explained about becoming a nurse, etc and she was on board and said she "got it"

While studying A&P one day she climbed up on my lap and said "I won't say anything I just want to sit with you..you and me can read together in our heads" And thats what we did, I snuggled her close while I was studying or reading..and she curled up and "read". I would "use" her, if I could explain something in terms a little one could understand I knew I had it down. And strangely, my little one became very smart in terms of A&P. Because I'd read out loud to her from my book and explain things, she got it! It was amazing. She started drawing pictures for me to study..and oddly enough it did help.

My little one is a few years older now, and now I'm going back for my RN. She's very excited as she knows our special "snuggle and study" time will start again. She wants to know what we'll be learning this time :)

Maybe you could do something like this with your son. Have a "snuggle & study" time just for daddy and son. You could read aloud to him..it will reinforce it into your head and it can possibly get him excited about reading etc.

In the grand scheme of things, this short amount of time will pass quickly (even though it seems like its dragging and taking forever at times). Your son will be no worse for the wear and it shows that education is very important to impressionable little minds.

savnlivzPRN, LVN · Jun 13, 2010

Well honey...

It's going to be ok. I'm actually going to go to school full time to have more time with my kids while they are little bitty...

My retail job (i'm part of management) is sucking up my life.

He will understand. Just think when its all over you will have a strong CAREER and he can be ever so proud of mommy.

pashark · Jun 13, 2010

Your little boy is sooooo lucky to have you for a mother....he will REAP the benefits of your efforts: having a 'personal nurse', a happy mom, and (trust me on this--I've raised two children while working two jobs---both graduated from college, are happy and one recently married and is expecting her first child), he won't remember the times you weren't there---as long as the times that you ARE there with him is spent WITH him. Also, what you are striving for (completing your nursing studies and becoming a nurse) benefits everyone....thank you for this opportunity to respond.

Thank you and everyone else for the wonderful comments. I'm actually the dad though . I'm so glad I found this place to come to and vent. Thank you for all your support, Frank.

Izzy11, NP · Jun 14, 2010

I'm a dad with two young kids and I can totally relate. I feel guilty as heck for the time I'm spending studying. It's hard but you just have to make the most of the time you can carve out to spend with them.

ally21 · Jun 14, 2010

Aww, your post made me tear up a little. You will get through this and in the end it will be worth it.

I can relate because I was pregnant in nursing school. I never really had time to fully enjoy my daughter because I'd always have my nose in a book while sitting at the kitchen table. Countless times I'd look over at her and wish I could just play without thinking "I should be studying!!!" Time really has flown by and she'll be 2 in September. I'm grateful I didn't have to work, but nursing school was a job in itself. Some weeks during school I wasn't able to see my daughter for two days in a row due to my crazy schedule. I'd be selfish some mornings before I'd leave and wake her up by giving her a kiss.

I graduated from nursing school a few weeks ago. It has been so wonderful being able to breathe and enjoy my daughter. Nursing school will pay off because it'll hopefully pave the way to a better future for us. It must've been so heartbreaking hearing your kiddo saying he misses playing with you. Good luck with your courses. They'll be over before you know it.

CrunchyMama, ASN, RN · Jun 14, 2010

How sad! I know it's really hard. I have a 6 and a 3 year old and it breaks my heart when my older one has said numerous times while I'm reading, "Can you play with me?" It's so sad. It'll be over soon and worth it! Give him an extra hug and kiss daddy!